“While I commend you for saying that, you’re assuming Alex wants to be with his ex.”
“I know. And I know it’s wrong to assume he does, but I can’t help the history there. And with a baby now in the mix, I feel squeezed out. His fans love her, the team loves her. I’m the outlier in the equation.”
My mom pats my hand. “I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You have a lot to offer someone whether it’s Alex, Tanner, or someone else.”
“Tanner isn’t an option, Mom. I know you and Dad like him, but I have zero thoughts on rekindling anything with him. Besides, how can I justify being with him and not Alex? And I love Alex.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Because my heart is broken and he’s very much part of my life in Portland.”
I never text Tanner back, but that doesn’t stop him from showing up at my parents in time to watch the football game on Sunday. I don’t know whose bright idea it was to watch the Pioneers, but they’re on the big screen and my mom has made a ton of appetizers. I don’t know what she’s playing at, whether she wants me to see Alex on television or spend time with Tanner. Either way, I’m not a fan.
Tanner kisses my cheek when he comes into the house. It’s as if he’s forgotten the handful of years we didn’t talk, and I hated him. I suppose he doesn’t know I hated him because we never hashed out his disappearance, and frankly it’s too late now to bring up old memories.
Still, he sits by me and makes it seem like we’re long-lost friends. I get that he lives here and sees my parents and Dalton regularly, but I’m not on that level of friendliness right now. I sit up when the camera pans the team and search for Alex. Dalton mentions something about Noah, but I ignore him. I didn’t realize how much I wanted to see Alex until now.
When they show him, he doesn’t look like himself. His helmet is off, and he looks . . . miserable. Nothing like the Alex I’m used to. Did I do that to him?
“Which one’s your client?” Tanner asks.
He’s not my client anymore because I quit on him, even though he refused to give up on me. I point to Alex before the camera pans to the other members of the team. “Alex Moore. He’s writing a children’s book on how to safely play football since there are so many concerns with concussions these days.”
“Yeah, it’s a pretty violent sport.”
I ignore his comment and continue to look for another glimpse of Alex.
The next time I see him is during the coin toss, and it’s only of his backside or a shot of his face with his helmet on. My heart double taps, reminding me that he’s the man I’m in love with, that I fell hard for and want back. But at what cost? I don’t know if I can take the public side of his life or the fact that his ex could be carrying his child. When there’s a commercial, I excuse myself and go into the kitchen. Tanner follows.
“So, I’m thinking dinner tomorrow?” He sets his hands on the counter, caging me in. “I’m off work by five, I can pick you up at six. Maybe drive to Buffalo or this weekend, head to Niagara. Did you bring your passport?”
“Tanner . . .”
“You can decide later,” he says, interrupting me. “You used to love it up there, and if we cross over, we can hit the casino, stay in the hotel.”
“No.” It comes out a bit more sharply than I intended, but it’s enough that he steps back.
“Okay?”
I cover my face with my hand. “I’m sorry. I’m just going to be honest here, Tanner. It was great seeing you the other day, but nothing is going to happen between us. I’m not some hopeless romantic fictional character looking to rekindle a lost love. Maybe if our situation was different, but it’s not. You left me without telling me why.”
“I—”
I hold my hand up for him to stop. “Whatever the excuse was, it’s in the past, and it’s not going to change how I feel. The truth is, my client—that man on the television, I’m in love with him.”
“Isn’t that a conflict of interest?”
“Well, that’s the thing, he used the excuse of wanting to write a book as a way to see me, but now he’s with a different editor at my publishing house, so no, it’s not. But that’s beside the point.” I sigh heavily. “I love him and I’m here, and he’s there, and shit’s complicated between us right now.”
“Use me to uncomplicate things, then. I don’t mind being a rebound. We loved each other once. It can happen again.” He shrugs.
“No, Tanner. That’s not how things work. If you know me at all, you know I’m not someone who uses people.”
“We were good together, Kelsey.”
“Were being the operative word there, Tanner.”
“Game’s on,” Dalton yells.
“We should go and watch the game,” I tell Tanner, who doesn’t flinch. Standing there with him solidifies my decision on whether I want to interview with my former employer—I don’t. I love my job in Portland and I love Alex. It’s where I’m meant to be.
I excuse myself and head back into the living room and cheer for the Pioneers. Thankfully, they won, which has my brother begging for Super Bowl tickets if the Pioneers go again. I ignore him mostly because I would never ask Alex for such a thing.
When the game’s over, I head to my bedroom and listen to the voicemail I saved from Alex, needing to hear his voice.
“Hey, Kels, it’s me, Alex. I don’t know where you are right now, but you’re not home and you’re not at work. I’m worried. Please just let me know you’re okay. Basha says you are, but I need to hear it from you. I love you, honey. More than I’ve shown you. I am so damned sorry for what I’ve put you through. Please call or text me. Just to say hi. That’s all I need right now. No, that’s a lie. I need you. Kels. So much.”
I listen a couple of times before texting him.
It’s me, letting you know, I’m okay.
TWENTY-SIX
ALEX
Am I a winner or a loser? It’s hard to say these days. My team’s winning. We’re number one in the league with three weeks left in the season. The target on our back is red and huge. Teams want to stop us, cut us down at the knees and make us bleed. Some call Noah cocky and he needs to be taught a lesson. Some say we’re seeing what his dad would’ve done had he ever made it to the NFL. Others are trying to find a way onto our roster.
Me . . . I’m trying to make it to Sunday’s game in San Diego. Ever since Kelsey has been gone, I’ve been in contact with Basha. It’s really the only way to know if Kelsey’s okay. It took some VIP seats, a meet and greet, and a dinner date with Cameron for her to agree to give me any information. I’m not ashamed to admit I would’ve thrown the world at Basha to get information out of her. I know Kelsey’s been at her parents’ in New York, and I also know her ex is sniffing around her, but I’m told I don’t need to worry because she told him she’s in love with me.
She’s in love with me.
Until I hear her say those words, I won’t let them sink in. But I sure as shit will let them linger in my mind because they give me hope. More hope than I’ve had in a long time.