The judge nodded her consent. Mr Agassi’s green-tinged eyes darkened with anger.
‘The rule of ejusdem generis states that where general words follow specific words in a statutory enumeration, the general words are construed to embrace objects similar in nature to those objects enumerated by the preceding specific words. In other words, whilst sub-section two only mentions goblins, orcs and trolls by name, when it then goes on to say ‘other such monsters’ it is, quite clearly, meant to also include ogres.’
Og and Dog turned to Grim at the exact same moment, confused and upset expressions on their faces.
‘What is happening?’ Dog whispered.
Grim didn’t know what was happening. ‘Let’s just trust Mr Agassi, shall we?’
‘Where we disagree, sir,’ said Mr Agassi sharply, ‘is your presumption that ogres are to be included under the term ‘other such monsters’. We contend that ogres are in fact not so similar in nature to goblins, orcs and trolls as to fall under sub-section two, and therefore my client should not have been excluded from membership of the Bureau.’
‘So, if I have it correct,’ said the judge, ‘the disagreement is not on the application of ejusdem generis itself, but whether or not ogres are sufficiently similar to the three creatures listed as to fall under the rule?’
‘Precisely, Your Honour,’ said Mr Agassi.
Sampras representing the Bureau shrugged his acceptance. ‘Yes, but surely that is not a matter for debate?’
‘I will hear arguments,’ said the judge.
‘Will the creature take the stand?’ asked Sampras.
Mr Agassi turned to Og-Grim-Dog. ‘Now, remember I said you might be asked some questions? Now is that time. Just answer truthfully. No cleverness.’
Grim nodded. He really didn’t think they had it in them to be clever.
‘Mr Og-Grim-Dog will take the stand,’ said the ghoul.
Grim stood and walked over to a little box next to the judge, which Mr Agassi had called the witness stand. It was a bit of a squeeze to get into, but he made it. From this position he was the same height as the judge, and could see over the heads of all those who had come to court.
‘Your witness, Mr Sampras,’ said Judge Julie.
The lawyer from the Bureau gave a little sigh, as if this was all too silly. It was a bit silly, Grim thought. But then why wouldn’t the Bureau just back down?
‘Now, Mr Og-Grim-Dog, I understand that the word ‘monster’ can sound pejorative; can be hurtful. So, let me ask you some simple questions. Have you ever killed a human?’
‘Of course,’ said Dog, a little more casually than Grim would have said it. ‘But humans kill each other, no?’
Mr Sampras smiled. ‘Indeed. Have you ever…eaten a human?’
‘Yes,’ said Dog, as if the answer were obvious.
Gasps rang around the courtroom.
Mr Sampras‘s smile grew a little wider. ‘Now, can you tell me where you live? Where your home is?’
‘Darkspike Dungeon,’ said Og.
‘And what other creatures live in Darkspike Dungeon?’
‘Well, there are kobolds upstairs from us. And then there are goblins, orcs, trolls—’
Grim winced. The courtroom muttered. This didn’t seem to be going well.
‘Objection!’ Mr Agassi interrupted. ‘This is establishing guilt by association.’
‘Mr Agassi,’ said the judge sharply. ‘This is not a criminal trial and so the concept of guilt has no place. Further, establishing association is at the heart of the matter in question. Continue, Mr Sampras.’
‘No further questions, Your Honour.’
‘Your witness, Mr Agassi.’
Mr Agassi replaced Mr Sampras in front of the witness stand.
‘Og-Grim-Dog, you live with these creatures and must know more about them than anyone else here. I wish to find out more about them. Firstly, what colour is their skin?’
‘Objection!’ snapped Mr Sampras. ‘Your Honour, surely this is more than a question of skin colour?’
‘Mr Agassi?’
‘Of course it is, Your Honour. I’m just laying the groundwork.’
‘Mr Agassi, I expect you to complete the groundwork with speed and move on to constructing the building.’
‘Of course, Your Honour. Og-Grim-Dog?’
‘They’re greenskins,’ said Dog.
‘Stay quiet, Og,’ Grim whispered as his other brother stirred at the use of this term. ‘Now’s not the time.’
Og let out a small harrumph but otherwise kept his peace.
‘Ah. Greenskins is a term you use for these creatures?’
‘Yes,’ answered Dog.
‘And ogres aren’t greenskins?’
‘Of course not!’
‘These races, whom you collectively call greenskins, they live together in large numbers?’
‘Yes, they live together in tribes.’
‘And ogres?’
‘We live alone.’
‘Ah. Another difference,’ commented Mr Agassi.
‘Oh, come on!’ blurted out Mr Sampras. ‘How can you say they live alone when there’s three of them!’
Mr Agassi made a rather smarmy face at the judge. ‘Your Honour, we did agree we weren’t going to go there.’
‘We did, Mr Agassi. Continue.’
‘Now, Og-Grim-Dog, you travelled from your dungeon to Mer Khazer. Where did you go when you arrived here?’
‘The Bruised Bollocks.’
‘The Bruised Bollocks. Did you see any goblins, orcs or trolls in The Bollocks?’
‘No.’
‘I don’t think they would be allowed in, do you?’
‘Definitely not.’
‘But you were?’
‘Yes.’
‘And at The Bollocks, you met a group of adventurers who asked you to join their dungeoneering party?’
‘Yes.’
‘I think it highly unlikely that they would have asked a goblin, or an orc, to join them. Don’t you?’
‘Very highly unlikely.’
‘One final question. In your travels, have you ever seen a goblin, or an orc, or a troll, with more than one head?’
‘Never.’
‘Thank you, Og-Grim-Dog. You may return to your seat now.’
Once Grim returned to their seat, the judge seemed eager to get to her decision, asking the two lawyers to keep their summaries brief.
‘Your Honour,’ said Mr Sampras. ‘This creature has admitted to being a man-eating monster. The rules drawn up by the Bureau were clearly designed to prevent such monsters from becoming members. A common-sense verdict would see this ogre barred from membership.’
‘Mercifully brief, Mr Sampras. Thank you. Mr Agassi?’
‘Your Honour, this decision rests on the rule of ejusdem generis. How similar are ogres to goblins, orcs and trolls? I have established that in some key respects, they are quite different. Is there some doubt, therefore, about the membership rules of the Bureau? I believe there is. Now, if Mr Sampras and the Bureau wish to go off and rewrite their constitution to add ogres to their list, and they make such an amendment according to the rules of their organisation, they have the right to do so. But as things stand, there is sufficient doubt on the question for me to suggest that the Bureau has been over hasty and unfair in its handling of my client’s case. I would hope, therefore, that the court would come down on the side of the individual over the organisation.’