‘Think the party’s for me, son,’ Evan says with a grin. He seeks me out in the crush of people I’ve managed to cram into our house. ‘There’s a fifty banner right above your head there.’
‘Ahhh, right,’ Conrad says, looking genuinely upset.
I go to my husband, slip my arms around him. ‘I know you don’t like surprise parties, but since you didn’t get to celebrate properly last time, I thought we’d do it “our style” this time.’
‘Thank you,’ he replies, dropping a kiss on my lips. ‘And thank you, everyone for coming here today. My apologies, first of all, for how Serena will have been in the run-up to today. I know what she will have been like and I can only say I appreciate each and every one of you for putting up with it.’
‘Oi,’ I say, needling his side.
‘I’d like to say thank you to my family for being there for me, always. Conrad, Verity and Serena, I love you all. I’ll come and talk to you all individually, but thank you for now, this feels so special.’ He raises his glass and everyone in the room does the same. ‘To special times with special people.’
Everyone cheers and drinks and begins to break up into smaller groups.
‘My speech would have been well better than that,’ Conrad says, giving his dad some serious side-eye.
Within minutes, Evan’s favourite music pumps out through the house and the place is filled with happy energy and relaxed, loving vibes. After the last few months with police raids and dramatic revelations and arguments, I think the whole place needs this, it deserves this. I’m also happy that Medina and Faye and their partners and families could make it, as could my mum, who is upstairs having a lie-down. Evan’s parents will be arriving later, no doubt to smile their disapproval at me, which they’ve been doing since we had that very brief split ten years ago.
‘Come with me, young lady,’ Evan says when the party is in full swing. We navigate our way around the people on the stairs, and make it to the upper floor without too much trouble. In the bathroom, Evan shuts and locks the door behind us. It’s a moment of calm. Our lives have calmed down. Logan Carlisle is where he needs to be, although still unrepentant from everything I hear. Verity seems more fine than I could have anticipated. She accepted what I said about Logan actually loving her. She’s said more than once that she can look back over their relationship and see where he was loving and kind and focused on her. She can believe he loved her and I think that is helping her to cope with the other times.
Jack Halnsley is on my mind a lot. I have only met him twice so far and he has been professional, if that’s the word, about it. It’s not completely unpleasant drinking coffee and chatting with him, but he makes it clear he’s emotionally and sexually attracted to me and that’s the only reason why he helped me, so I – and Evan – will be glad when it’s all over.
When it’s over, the reason why he is constantly on my mind might go away, too. What Jack Halnsley told Poppy . . . He didn’t say it how we talked about. He said that his mother had made various slip-ups over the years that gave him the impression that she knew more about Marcus’s death than she told anyone at the time. She’d been particularly unsettled and nervy when Poppy was released from prison, but he’d convinced himself it was nothing. Eventually, a couple of years ago, after a particularly bad bout of depression from his mother, she had started to confess something. He asked her outright and she broke down and told him everything. He said that Marlene had felt trapped at the time because she was scared of what would happen to her son if she went to prison, and now she is too scared of going to prison at her age because she won’t leave alive.
The way he said those things . . . The detail and nuance, the easy way the words fitted together to make his explanation. I’d expected a little doubt, hesitancy on his part, but no. Everything he said sounded so honest. And I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking that maybe that is what actually happened. She did do it. That Jack’s lie is true.
Evan pulls me towards him, jolting me out of my thoughts of Jack Halnsley and I slip my arms around his body
‘Did I ever tell you how much you love me?’ he says. Evan and I are back to being us. And I love that.
‘No, I don’t believe you ever did.’
‘Oh, how remiss of me. Serena Gillmare, you love me so much, you can’t imagine life without me.’
‘That sounds about right.’
‘And even though you love me so much, you are especially loving how hot I look right now. In fact, you’re finding me so irresistibly hot, you’re seriously contemplating taking off a couple of items of clothing and engaging in an extra-exciting, extra-fast quickie.’ He pulls me closer so I can feel what he is thinking, even with a house full of people.
‘Dream on, buddy.’ I point to the right-hand wall. ‘My mother is just there, on the other side of that wall, and of all her senses that have dulled over time, her hearing is not one of them.’
Evan’s excitement wilts right there and then. He continues: ‘But do you know you love me more than life itself? And you feel so lucky to have loved me for so long?’
‘You know me so well, Evan.’
‘Yes, I do. And I need you to know you’ve done the best you can to make sure everyone is all right.’ He cups my face. ‘And you can take the time to look after you now. Everything will be all right.’
He may or may not be correct about things working out all right, only time will tell. I have to try to accept that, I have to try to relax into life because there is nothing else I can do to control how things will turn out.
‘Thank you, love of my life,’ I reply. And I kiss him. Knowing that this kiss, this perfect kiss, will feel like it will last for ever.
verity
Now
‘Knew you’d be up here,’ Conrad says to me.
In recent years, our parents converted the loft to be a chill-out space with storage. There are sofas, a large screen projector, an old-fashioned record player, as well as a CD player. The best part of the space, though, is the roof. They have put in large windows that allow you to look straight up and stare at the sky. You can skate along the clouds and plunge yourself into the sea of stars. I’m reclined on the sofa staring up at the darkening sky, listening to the party as it plays around the house, waiting to get lost in the cosmos.
‘Bit too much party for me right now,’ I tell him.
My brother settles himself on the other sofa. ‘Are you OK, though?’ he asks. ‘After your stint as a jailbird. Are you all right?’
‘I am more than all right. I am great,’ I tell him. That is a lie, but it is also true. I feel all right, fine, but at the same time, I don’t feel fine. He doesn’t need to know about the not-fine bit because that is manageable, that is what I am exploring and laying to rest in therapy.
‘Me and the Brain’s Trust are glad you’re out.’ Conrad nods sagely. ‘We were plotting how to get you out. You don’t want to know what some of them came up with. Just that they were thinking of you.’
‘I’m not sure which I love more – the fact you lot like me enough to think about breaking me out of prison, or the fact you’ve just called yourselves the Brain’s Trust. It’s like I have finally, finally, been vindicated.’