‘He doesn’t want that,’ Bella says. ‘He really doesn’t.’
Serena looks so frustrated, scared. ‘All right, I’ll call Evan instead.’
‘What is going on?’ I ask again, while Serena leaves the room to call her husband. ‘I’m so confused. What did you mean you put Logan into the coma? How did this man get to your house?’
Bella leaves Howie’s side and comes to me. Her shaking is more pronounced. ‘I walked into Verity’s kitchen and found Logan stabbing him. He wouldn’t stop. He just wouldn’t bloody stop.’
bella
Now
That day, I was here when Logan called and texted me.
He told me he was at his girlfriend’s house and they’d properly split up this time and could I come and pick him up. He said he’d been calling her to talk to him but she wouldn’t. He was pissed off about that. Really pissed – even in texts you could tell how angry he was. Eventually he told me he was packing up his stuff and hadn’t taken his car so could I bring mine in a couple of hours when he’d finished getting his belongings together. Well, I’d had that argument with Myron so I’d come back early from London and I wasn’t in the best mood. Actually, I was just pissed off with everything and everyone. The very last thing I wanted to do was walk in and witness the end of someone else’s stupid relationship, but how can I say no to Logan? He told me where he’d put a spare key in case he got locked out. I don’t think Verity knew about that, that he’d had a spare key made, but I don’t suppose that’s important right now.
When I arrived and let myself in, I wasn’t being especially quiet, but I could hear voices from one end of the flat. I followed them and there they were, in the kitchen. The first-aid kit was on the table and it looked like Howie, as I found out later was his name, was patching up Logan.
I was about to say hello when Logan grabbed the knife from the side and just stuck it in Howie. Just like that! He didn’t even hesitate or think twice, just . . . I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! I was frozen for a moment or two, but then Logan went to do it again
I shouted at him to stop it, ran over and grabbed his shoulder to pull him back, but he just turned around and pushed me away so he could do it again. Howie was just, like, frozen there, shocked. Logan went to do it again and again. I knew I couldn’t stop him by shouting or pulling at him . . . I saw this small cast-iron-pan thing on the table so I grabbed it and swung it at him. He sort of turned to me when I hit him.
‘Stop!’ I told him and he got this awful smile on his face and stuck it in Howie again.
I had to hit him two more times before he would stop. Then, he looked at me and went ‘Bella?’ just before he collapsed. He was lying when he said he’d had a seizure because he was protecting me. I hit him over the head.
I just completely panicked then. I mean, I have this weapon in my hand and a man bleeding to death in the kitchen. It wasn’t even my flat! I dropped to my knees to check on the bleeding man. I asked his name and he told me it was Howie. ‘I’m going to get you an ambulance,’ I told him.
He shook his head. And was kind of whispering, ‘No, no,’ as I got my phone out. ‘Trouble. Logan, no trouble. Me, trouble.’
I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t just leave him there, and I had to help my brother. In the end I told Howie I was going to take him back to my place for a few hours. He agreed to that, so I used Verity’s tea towels to stem the blood and I took him to my car. I’m surprised no one saw us. I brought him back here and I managed to stop the bleeding. It took ages. I tried to dress the wounds and then I had to get myself cleaned up because I couldn’t go back looking how I did.
I stood in the shower, water pouring down on me, crying. I couldn’t believe what had happened. What I’d seen Logan do, what I’d had to do. My mind kept going to Howie, too. He was lying in that bed, and I was sure he was going to die. I was so scared. Terrified. Of literally everything and I didn’t know what to do.
After the shower, I checked Howie was still alive. I sat with him, holding his hand, watching him breathing. I kept thinking I should call the police. Call an ambulance. Call someone who would help me. It was like all the strength had left my body. I just sat there, holding this stranger’s hand and praying for a miracle.
Calm came to me while I was sitting there. It was the moment of stillness I needed to be able to do what I had to do. I left Howie sleeping; he looked really peaceful . . . I actually thought as I was leaving that he would probably die while I was out.
When I got back to Verity’s flat, the door was slightly open and there were bloody handprints on the door and doorframe. I went in, found the flat empty. I just panicked. I grabbed the pan because it had my fingerprints on it and tore out of the flat, trying to work out where he’d gone. He mentioned Verity’s father’s birthday party but he hadn’t told me where it was.
I kind of went into a daze. I couldn’t really think what to do except go home and wait for that call. I did drive around a bit, trying to see if I could spot him, but he’d disappeared. By the time I got back Howie was awake.
He was weak and I knew he was basically dying and he needed proper medical help. But every time I tried to call an ambulance, he kept saying no.
Then I got the call I’d been dreading. I’d been waiting for it, but I wasn’t prepared. It was like I didn’t actually know who had done it to him. That was why I was able to be so shocked and upset. It wasn’t an act, I hadn’t stopped feeling like that from earlier on.
When Logan woke up, I thought he was going to tell them what I’d done. When he was dithering, I told him. I told him not to protect her, to tell the truth. I wanted him to do it because every time I tried to speak the words would not come. And as Howie grew stronger he explained to me how he’d been arrested before and how he knew he’d get blamed.
So I was stuck. No one really asked me questions about anything, so I didn’t really have to lie. I’ve hardly slept, hardly eaten. I want to drink all the time.
When Logan confessed to all that stuff he’d been doing . . . I couldn’t quite believe what I was hearing. I mean, how could he? I knew he was going to tell the whole truth then. I told him to. I just decided to keep trying to get Howie better and then make him go to a hospital once the police came for me.
poppy
Now
I take it back, I think.
No one in our family is normal. We’re all ‘out there’.
Howie has been nodding while Bella talks, and I have been staring wide-eyed at her. How did it get to this? My sister nearly killed my brother to stop him from killing the friend of my ‘rival’.
‘You should have just told me the truth,’ I say to Bella. ‘I would have helped you and Howie.’
‘I couldn’t risk it. I just couldn’t. More for Howie than me.’
‘But he’s not a suspect any more.’
‘I told him that. He didn’t believe me. He still doesn’t believe me. I just . . . I don’t want to go to prison. I don’t want to face Mum and Dad. I want to hide from the world and what I’ve done.’