She nodded, already knowing why the arrangement had been made long ago. They sat in silence until she admitted, “I’ve thought about it too—how things would have been if we were just two regular people.”
The honesty about their situation felt good, natural even.
“What would’ve happened if we could’ve just continued what we started at Wellenbreck?” he said, his voice low.
“We probably would’ve gotten married and had a bunch of children,” Renna said, her voice playful, belying the serious mood. “They would run around, be too loud, and be covered in mud. I would yell at them—”
He cut into her make-believe story. “And then I would yell at you for yelling at our children.”
She laughed. “We’d fight all the time. You’d tell me I was acting crazy, and I’d throw a book at you.”
“No, I would never say that. I like you best when you’re crazy.” He leaned in closer, and Renna could feel the warmth of his breath against her hair. “I would tell you every day how beautiful you were and how much I loved being with you.”
It was all pretend, but she couldn’t help but notice how he had said I loved being with you, and not I love you.
His words were quiet again, breaching her thoughts. “I would never take you for granted.”
With each word, her feelings got more tangled up in him, knotting so tightly, she feared they might never be undone. The boundaries she placed carefully around her heart were getting smaller and smaller. She released his hand, hugging her knees close to her chest as if that would stop the ache swirling inside of her. She didn’t care how unladylike the position made her look.
She dared a glance at him, the man who made her heart beat like it never had before. Everything with Trev had been red hot. The feelings came fast and forcefully. He was her friend. He was the man that constantly made her laugh. The man that said honest things to her.
“We would have been pretty amazing,” she mused with a longing she couldn’t hide.
“I think so.” Sadness hung on his words. “I guess we’ll never really know.”
They stood at a crossroad, with Trev choosing to honor a promise made long ago—choosing a future of duty and righteous intentions.
And Renna had to let him. He was never meant to be hers. He was meant to be king. Meant to be Seran’s. That had already been decided.
There was a new understanding between them. It was really over. Their relationship would no longer hide behind the guise of friendship.
“I guess I’ll let you get back to your conversation with your dad.” He scooted down to the ground. “Tell him I said hi.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
Renna watched until the darkness absorbed him, leaving her alone with her thoughts, her loneliness and the quiet aching of her desperate heart.
29
Trev
Trev lay awake, eyes wide as he stared up into the darkness of his room. He should be asleep, but he kept seeing Renna’s face—seeing their future, their happiness, their love.
Love.
It was true; Trev hadn’t felt loved since the day Queen Avina had died. His father had always shown him the opposite of love. Their entire relationship was based on how Trev could help him advance politically. His marriage to Seran would be based on the same thing.
Was it wrong to want love in his life? To want to love and be loved in return? He couldn’t lose the last person in his life that made him feel loved.
His own words kept running through his mind. The marriage isn’t about a prince marrying a princess. It’s about two powerful families and kingdoms coming together through marriage. The marriage will secure my future as king. It will help me win the election. That was the reasoning behind marrying Seran, but couldn’t all that be done with Renna too? Afterall, Renna’s mother was the Queen of New Hope. Renna was a part of the royal family.
New Hope had two princesses, two royal daughters. Seran was the only one with royal blood, of course, but did that really matter? The marriage was a physical representation of a political union. He just had to marry someone who represented New Hope. Couldn’t that someone be Renna?
It all made sense in his mind. Perhaps there was a way they could be together.
He just needed to convince his father.
Trev passed a hand over his face, groaning. It wouldn’t be easy. But he had to try.
He had never requested a private audience with the king and could see the shock on Gaines’s face the next morning when he asked for one. Sweat gathered all over his body as he waited in his father’s office. Was it hot, or was it just his nerves? He brought his hand to his mouth, fidgeting with his lower lip. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. The pressure of what he was about to ask weighed him down like a boulder in his heart. It was the conversation of his life.
His father entered the room, barely acknowledging him with a brusque glance. “Make this quick. I only have a few minutes.”
Trev stood as Gaines shut the door, leaving him alone with his father. He didn’t want anyone to overhear what he needed to say. The king sat at his desk and looked down at a stack of papers, giving him no attention.
Trev cleared his throat. “I don’t want to marry Princess Seran.”
His father calmly raised his eyes, keeping his chin down toward the desk. “You don’t have a choice.”
“I want to marry Renna,” he said boldly.
His father’s eye twitched, and Trev could tell he was starting to get annoyed. “Who?”
“Renna Degray, Queen Mariele’s daughter.” He shouldn’t have to remind his father who Renna was.
The king laughed once, though clearly was not amused. “You’re joking.”
“No, I’m not joking. I want you to talk with Queen Mariele and tell her we still want to honor the marriage alliance, but with her daughter. Not Princess Seran.”
Carver leaned back in his chair, his hands resting behind his head. If Trev didn’t know the seriousness of the conversation, he would have guessed by his father’s relaxed posture that they were talking about the weather.
“This alliance was devised between King Bryant and me. Queen Mariele is here on Bryant’s behalf to approve the treaty, not to rewrite it.”
“Then talk to King Bryant.”
King Carver spoke slowly. “You want me to tell King Bryant that his daughter—his only daughter—who happens to be a beautiful princess, isn’t good enough for my son?”
“She is good enough,” Trev said firmly. “But I want Renna.”
His father stared at him for a long, silent moment. Then he waved his hand casually. “Then have the girl. Just don’t let anyone know. We can set her up with a house in the city.” He looked satisfied, like he had just solved all the world’s problems.
“No.” Keep Renna as a mistress? Sickness stirred in his stomach. He could never do that to her. “No, I want to marry Renna. Her mother is the queen. She’s part of the royal family too. She has the same connections as Seran, and the alliance with New Hope can stay the same. Just talk to Bryant. I’m sure he won’t mind. Renna is his stepdaughter. He must have fond feelings for her too.”