The Do-Over(62)
Author: Suzanne Park
A squeal above me echoed in the room. The sound of the shower valve cranking to the right. The flow of water stopped.
“Lily? Are you okay?” A familiar voice cut through the fog.
“Mia?” I barely whispered.
She placed a tattered terry-cloth robe around my shivering shoulders. “You think you can get up? Maybe get some rest? Let me help.”
“I’m not going to Spain.”
With her arms outstretched, Mia grabbed both of my hands and lifted me slowly from the tiled floor. My body weighed a thousand pounds, but by some miracle, I managed to make it to her bedroom with her help. She laid out a few blankets and a pillow on the mattress, placed a mug of water on the nightstand, and dimmed the lights.
I whispered, “Did he call me? To talk about it?”
Mia pulled my phone out of my coat pocket and looked at the screen. “There’s nothing from Jake. I’m so sorry.”
Mia and I were reunited unexpectedly on the worst day of my life, when I was let down by my family, and my boyfriend became my ex-boyfriend. That night, we formed an eternal bond that could never ever be broken. Mia had my back then, and I would always have hers.
Chapter Thirty-One
Umma called so many times I finally picked up. Without a doubt, she’d heard the news.
“Umma, I can explain—” I pleaded.
“Make no sense. Thirty-nine dollar wasted! And they say the ice is melted so they can’t ship same box again. You need to explain.”
But I had no explanation. I had no idea what the hell she was going on about.
“I don’t understand, actually,” I confessed. “What shipment?”
“Appa and I send you Omaha Steaks gift package as a congratulations on starting new job. Three rib eyes. I wait four month for your big day at your new company, I even marked it on the calendar! I send to Swain and Wallace, where you say you work, and they just call me and say they can’t deliver. They say you not working there and no one heard of you.”
I swallowed hard. Technically, I never told her I actually worked there, I was careful with my words. But that was beside the point. Like with everything else, I messed this up. There was some possibility I could continue this ruse with my parents, but only with more deceit, and I’d had enough. After taking a deep breath, I told her about my college credit shortage, and how I didn’t get the job because of it. And that my book deal was probably also canceled.
I mumbled, “I’m sorry.” My natural inclination was to offer an apology for being a disappointment to them, but I stopped myself, my mind jumping back to my recent discussion with Beth and Mia about feeling like I wasn’t competent, or skilled, or smart enough. And that my mistakes were evidence of my inadequacy.
But none of this was true. It really wasn’t.
I’d moved up the ladder and worked hard to get to where I was. I’d won awards. Gotten performance bonuses. These were facts. And I had receipts.
Going through life striving for perfection, without making any mistakes, wasn’t just unsustainable, it was impossible. Admitting as much wasn’t showing weakness, it was setting myself up for happiness. Owning my successes was one thing that would help me get there.
And I started by telling my parents the truth.
Then my dad said something that surprised me. It was genuine. Hopeful. Earnest.
“If you go back to college again, this mean you can still go to medical school. Now you have second chance!” Appa said.
Umma chirped, “Law school is okay too!”
I cleared my throat. “Uh, no. That’s not happening, and that’s not why I’m doing college again. I will say this though. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, even that last semester in college, which was a very dark time for me.”
Appa said quietly, “I remember. That was bad time for whole family.”
Umma added, “Very hard for your Appa.”
Dad whispered, “No, I think more hard for Lily than me. We pushed her too hard because of me.”
For once, my mom and dad were disagreeing. I held my tongue, waiting to see how this would play out.
Dad’s voice shook as he spoke. “When I lose my job, we can’t afford to pay for your school and your sister school. We thought we had to choose.”
Anger brewed inside me. “You did choose. You chose your other daughter. I was the one who had to try to graduate early.”
Mom’s tone changed. It was tinged with sorrow. “We choose wrong. We think because you were stronger person you could handle more pressure. You always have a job, you go to good school, we never worry about you. But now . . . now we worry about you all the time because you change so much after college, working so hard, you have job we don’t understand.” She sighed. “But maybe you do things we don’t know, or don’t like, and didn’t teach you, and this is okay.”
My jaw dropped. For the first time ever, my mom had admitted that not accepting my life choices was a them problem, and not a me problem.
“Thank you for saying that,” I whispered.
Mom added, “We buying your book and tell everyone at church to buy too.”
“She good at selling,” my dad added. “She sell a lot for you. Very proud umma.”
Before I could thank her again, my mom muttered, “We still mad. You waste good steak. But I will ask them for coupon so you can have graduation present. Maybe they will add discount.”
Offering a gift of steak coupons meant that they weren’t ashamed or disgraced after all. This was as close as I’d ever get to a reconciliation of our past. I’d never known my parents to admit they were wrong, or that they’d made decisions that resulted in adverse consequences. But admitting they’d made a huge, life-affecting decision all those years ago and acknowledging that they didn’t have my interests in mind at the time, for some reason that provided me a sense of closure and my heart became less heavy. The regret in my mom’s and dad’s voices spoke volumes, as did their eagerness to push my books onto their Korean peers. They were sorry. And knowing that went a long way.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Mia squawked, “Seriously? Still no word from Jake? I thought he—”