Audrey struggled to stay afloat as new wells of grief opened beneath her. “I was raised in a different world than Robert. Did I ever tell you that the year I made my debut into London society, I had an audience with the queen?”
“What good did that ever do you?”
“I’m trying to explain that I know how to function here, in my world.”
“And you learned how to function in the Army, didn’t you? That life was nothing at all like what you were used to. If you learned to adapt once, you can do it again.”
“I can’t remake myself all alone. I’m too scared, Eve. I had you to help me during the war.”
“Listen, I’ll call Tidworth for you. Maybe they’ll let you postpone your trip to a later date so you’ll have more time to grieve.”
“They won’t let me come at all if they learn that Robert is gone.”
“Then why not go while you have the chance? If you don’t like America, you can always come home. You’re strong enough to do this, Audrey. Think of all the hard things you faced during the war. You’re not a coward.”
Audrey shook her head. She stood and carried the baby to the bassinet, too weak and shaky to hold him. He stirred and opened his eyes when she laid him down, so she rocked the basket until he fell back asleep. “I believed I could learn to live in Robert’s world as long as he was beside me,” she said to Eve. “But I can’t do it alone. I would be as lost and helpless as I was in the woods that day we first met. You laughed at the idea of me running away and told me to go home to Wellingford Hall because you recognized how hopelessly out of place I was. This is where I belong, Eve. At Wellingford. I would be just as out of place in America as I was in the woods. Besides, I have my son to think about.”
“At least go and meet Robert’s parents. Mourn with them at his grave. Then you can decide what to do.”
“My mind is made up. My home is here at Wellingford. It’s my son’s home, too. Robert and I fell in love here. All my memories of him are here, not across the ocean. I’m going to raise Bobby here.”
“Audrey, you need to think about this—”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” She crossed to the desk and scooped up the packet of immigration papers, then tossed them into the rubbish bin. “There! It’s done!”
“You’re a fool, Audrey. Don’t throw away this chance.”
“I’ll write and tell the Barretts I’m not coming.” She opened the drawer with her stationery. “My father will be home next week. I’ll stay here and help him run Wellingford Hall. It’s a role I know well. Bobby can grow up here like Alfie and I did.”
“Please take more time to think about this. What if you change your mind?”
“I won’t. This is who I was before the war. Before Robert. It’s who I am without him.”
Eve pulled the thick packet of papers from the US government from the rubbish bin where Audrey had thrown them. Audrey had gone to her bedroom after writing to the Barretts to say she wasn’t coming. Her sealed letter lay on the desk, ready to post. Eve peeked at the immigration documents. Audrey was a fool to turn down this opportunity. If Eve had a chance to begin a new life in America, she wouldn’t hesitate to go. She sighed and dropped the packet into the bin again and returned to her dusting.
Eve had no idea what the next step in her life would be. With no education and a fatherless baby to support, her future was a bleak dead end, just as her mum’s had been years ago. She ran the feather duster over the mantel, then spread a mat in front of the hearth and knelt to clean the fireplace.
Oh, Audrey. If I were you . . .
She shoveled ashes into the bucket. If she were Audrey, she wouldn’t be on her knees with sooty hands. She would be on her way to Tidworth, to America, far away from Wellingford Hall and England and the reminders of who she really was—a woman with a child and no future. If only the documents were hers.
Eve swept the hearth and laid new wood in the grate. Harry would need to be fed soon. She would empty the rubbish, gather her bucket, shovel, and mat, change out of her sooty apron, and feed him. She pulled the packet from the bin to add to her ash bucket—then stopped.
What if she went to America in Audrey’s place?
Absurd.
Yet the idea tugged at her like a dog with a bone and wouldn’t let go. Why not take Audrey’s place and start all over in America? Eve sat on the arm of the chair to think it through.
She and Audrey were the same height and weight, the same age. Robert’s parents had never met their daughter-in-law. Could they tell from a black-and-white photograph that Eve’s hair was a different color? She could easily mimic Audrey’s aristocratic manners and speech. She’d lived with her long enough to know everything about her. Their sons, Harry and Bobby, were the same age.
Eve brushed her sooty fingerprints off the packet. Could she get away with it? The more she pondered the idea, the less absurd it seemed. She had masqueraded as one of the gentry on her date at the Savoy with Alfie and had pulled it off.
The documents felt heavy in her hands. It wasn’t as if she would be stealing them. Audrey had thrown them away. And while it was true that Eve would be deceiving Robert’s parents, she would only need to pretend she was Audrey until she got a new start in America. Once she was on her feet, Eve could make her own way. Who would ever know the difference?
Louis would. If he came to the Barretts’ home to visit Audrey and found Eve instead—but no. Louis couldn’t give away Eve’s secret without destroying his marriage.
Eve took the letter Audrey had written to the Barretts and slipped it in with the other documents. She tucked the packet beneath her arm and gathered up her cleaning supplies. Harry was fussing, so she hurried down the servants’ stairs to the basement. She put the bucket in the scullery, washed her hands, untied her apron, then sat on a stool to nurse him, the packet on her lap beneath his diapered bottom.
Eve would need to read through the materials carefully to make sure she had everything she needed to take Audrey’s place. But what a perfect opportunity this would be for her son. How she longed to find a better life for him. If she had to start all over again, why not do it in America? There was nothing for her here, no loved ones to leave behind. Audrey had decided to live the rest of her life at Wellingford Hall as the lady of the manor. The last thing Eve wanted was to be stuck here as her servant. This was no place for her son to grow up.
Harry finished nursing and looked up at her. She would do it. She would go to Tidworth Army Camp as Audrey Barrett. If they believed her, she would sail to America with the other war brides. Eve knew where Audrey kept her identification papers and Bobby’s birth certificate. It would be easy to add them to the packet with the other documents. She lifted Harry to her shoulder to burp him and pulled the cover letter from the packet. They had two days to pack their things and report to the camp. Harry deserved a better life. He deserved to grow up in the sunshine, far away from Wellingford’s scullery.
“Harry and I are leaving on the train Friday morning,” she told Audrey when she brought up her supper tray that evening. “It’s time for us to move out and be on our own.”
“You’re leaving? Why?”