A giant yawn overtook him. “I’m sorry. I may fall asleep standing right here.”
He did look exhausted. I couldn’t keep him up no matter how much I wanted to be with him. We went upstairs as quietly as we could, and when we came to my room, we stopped outside my door. Dmitri was very close to me, and I felt a little tingle run up my arms.
“Good night,” I said.
He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, he leaned in and spoke in my ear, whispering, “Good night, Charlotte Danielovna. Sleep well.”
As he walked away, I leaned against the doorway to steady myself, the warmth running through me again. When I went to bed, sleep did not come easily.
The next morning I woke up to find that Papa and Dmitri had both gone out. Papa came back just as I was getting ready to try to make my way to the hospital to see the situation for myself. Osip opened the door for him, and he shuffled in, looking as if he had aged ten years overnight. Osip and I helped him off with his coat.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He wiped his eyes. “The czar has abdicated for himself and his son. He was trying to come back to the city, but a mob pulled up the train tracks so he couldn’t get here. His brother is next in line but I’m sure he will abdicate too. He doesn’t want the job. The Duma is to be given power again and be the ones in charge of the provisional government. But I’m afraid the Duma won’t succeed. Too many officials who can’t agree on anything.”
I saw that his hands were shaking. I put my arm in his.
“Romanovs have ruled Russia for three hundred years, and now it’s all over. Just like that.” He slumped over and would have fallen if Osip hadn’t caught him.
I got a better hold on him, trying to keep my voice steady but fearing he was going to have another spell. “Let’s get you to your room.”
“No, Lottie. Osip, will you help me into the library? I need to go to the library. I must record this day.”
Osip looked over at me, and I nodded. I understood why my stepfather felt he had to write it down. He worshipped the czar—not the man himself, but the idea of him—and the thought of a country without a czar must have made him feel like the world had turned upside down.
It made me feel like the world was upside down. I got the same twisted-up feeling inside again and felt sick. We’d wanted things to change, but talking about it was far different from the reality.
We settled him in his chair and then he nodded at us. “I’d like to be alone.”
As we left the room, I heard him say, “Only God knows what will become of us now.”
Chapter Fifteen
I WAITED A little while and then checked on Papa, who did seem better after he’d had some tea. Osip promised to keep a close eye on him, so I decided I could take a quick look at the hospital.
The streets were crowded again, though most people just seemed confused by all that had happened. There was no further news of the czar, and the troops had disappeared. I heard some distant gunfire, but since no one else seemed concerned, I tried to ignore it too.
When I came into the square, it was a relief to see the hospital, but as I got closer, I began to see the damage. The door was completely gone, and all the windows on the lower level had been smashed. Dmitri had said it was badly damaged. Somehow I hadn’t taken in what those words meant.
When I went in, it felt like the place had been abandoned months ago, not hours. Snow was already drifting in through the windows. I walked through the nearly empty rooms, glass crunching beneath my boots. The fire damage was confined to the nurses’ sitting room. The settee had burned, leaving a charred frame behind and damage to the floor and the wall.
A dull feeling came over me, like I was shriveling up from the cold and the emptiness. All the time we’d spent there, my mother and I, and a shell was all that remained. I didn’t even feel like crying. I didn’t feel anything.
“Charlotte?” It was Dr. Rushailo’s voice. She came into the room and gave me a hug. “I heard the news. Galina came to see me.”
It was good to hear her voice, the brisk no-nonsense tone that never faltered.
“I’m sorry,” she said, surveying the damage. “I’ve seen many things in my life, but I’m still astounded at the things people do to each other. I’ll never understand.” She sighed. “Your mother put her soul into this place.”
I brushed away a tear. “She did,” I whispered.
The doctor patted my back. “You know she never let a setback stop her. This is a setback—a big one, to be sure, but one we can overcome. We can reopen the hospital later when things calm down or even wait until after you finish medical school. It’s going to take a lot of work and quite a bit of money to get the place back into operation, but it can be done if we have the will.”
I couldn’t imagine so far in the future any longer. I had a hard time picturing what the next week would be like, much less years in the future.
“What about the other nurses?” I asked. It hit me that without the hospital I didn’t know when I’d see everyone again. They were almost like a second family.
“Don’t worry about them. There is plenty of demand for nurses. They can all find jobs today if they want. Galina and Tanya are going to stay with me for the time being. I need a housekeeper, and Galina can help me deliver the babies.”
“That’s good.” I tried to sound positive, to match her tone.
She went over to one of the windows and examined the frame. “Now, do you want me to find someone to board up the windows and the door until they can be replaced? We don’t need any more water damage in here. I know someone in my neighborhood who will do the work.”
“Yes, thank you!” The snow coming in was burying the place, like it was covering up all that we’d done.
“All right.” She patted my back again. “I have to go, and you shouldn’t stay here. It’s too cold and the streets aren’t safe. We’ll talk soon. Think about what you want to do.”
I went home. I didn’t want to think about it right then.
* * *
Over the next few days it felt like we were in some sort of limbo. The hours were taken up with trying to find food to buy and helping Zarja and Polina.
Dmitri was at first elated about the new provisional government, but within days his mood changed.
“There is so much bickering going on, I don’t know if the government will last,” he told me. “Everyone wants power and they don’t want to share. It’s as if they can’t understand that one group holding all the power led to the need for a revolution in the first place.”
“What happens if the government doesn’t last? You don’t mean the czar will come back?”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t think so, though some would like that. I don’t know what will happen. But be careful when you go out. Things could change at any time.”
People had raided all the food-storage depots, and for a few days the streets were safer—until all that food ran out and the looting began in earnest. No one took the place of the hated policemen, which was both a blessing and a curse.
I tried to see Raisa. I wanted to tell her about Dmitri, but she was so busy helping her father restart his newspaper that we never had a chance to really talk, grabbing a quick visit here and there. I was glad she was so occupied with the newspaper that she no longer seemed to be interested in Miles.