The ringing of my phone pulls both of our attention to my bag and I grab it, rolling my eyes when I see Ivy’s name on the screen.
“Let me guess, you’re running late,” I answer and I’m greeted with silence.
“Uh, actually,” she says after a moment. “We can’t make it tonight.”
“What do you mean you can’t make it tonight?” I ask, meeting Dottie’s eyes as her eyebrows shoot up. “You haven’t ever missed a Sunday dinner.”
“I know. It’s just…we, uh, we have something we have to go do tonight. Next time, okay?”
“Ivy…” I start but the line goes dead and I pull the phone away from my ear as I stare at Dottie.
“She’s not coming? You girls never miss this night, not once in twelve years.”
I glance down at my phone before setting it on the table, face down. “She said they had something to do tonight and she’d bring him next week.”
“I don’t like this,” Dottie says, shaking her head as she chews her lip. “Something is definitely up with this guy she’s seeing. I knew it as soon as she told me.”
“We don’t know anything yet, Dot,” I point out, to placate her but it’s like she’s not even listening to me. “Maybe they really had something to do or maybe she got nervous. You know this was important to her.”
“We can’t trust this guy. I mean, twelve years without missing a single family dinner and then she meets him and stops showing up. I don’t think so.”
“Dottie,” I whisper, unsure of what to say to her.
“What if he hurts her? How could I live through it again if I let her get hurt, too?”
Tears well up in my eyes as memories threaten to overwhelm me and this time, I can’t stop them. “You couldn’t have stopped them from hurting me.”
“I should have,” she exclaims, her eyes meeting mine in a steely stare and a tear slips down my cheek. “Your mother didn’t want me around you girls, but I should have told her exactly where she could stick it. You needed me and I wasn’t there for you. Look what they did to you.”
I stand abruptly and my chair falls backward as I grab my phone and my bag from the floor. “I have to go. I’ll see you next week.”
“Carly! Wait,” she calls as I walk away from her, but I don’t look back, my chest tight as I run from the house to my car. Firing it up, I fly out of the driveway and away from her house as snapshots from that night flash through my mind. I suppose I should be thankful for them – the snapshots. It’s all I have of that night, little pieces of time that make no sense whatsoever. I don’t know how I would have survived if I remembered every painful detail. Tears blur my vision as I pull onto the interstate and I grit my teeth, trying to fight back the memories but it’s a losing battle.
When I was sixteen, my mother met Harrison, husband number three. Harrison lived in Baton Rouge and my mother wasted no time in moving all three of us away from New Orleans to be with her new beau. It was the only home I had ever known and it felt like I was leaving everything I loved behind - my friends, Aunt Dottie, and my father, even though he had been dead for almost ten years. It was also about the time Ivy and I saw the truth about our mother. We understood this would be a pattern with her and we resented her for it.
Harrison, the nice guy he was, pulled some strings and got us into a very prestigious private school because only the best would do for my mother. It was so different from what I was used to and I felt so alone. My world had been twisted until I didn’t even know which way was up anymore. On my second day of school, Austin Mitchel, one of the cutest, most popular boys at school, approached me at my locker and introduced himself. He had a smile that put me at ease and he invited me to eat lunch with him and his friends. Just like that, I had a place again. For two weeks, he walked me to most of my classes and we talked about anything and everything. I felt like he really got me and when he finally asked me out, I was over the moon.
Of course, so was my mother.
The Mitchels came from old money and their name held a certain level of prestige in this town so she made it her business to make sure he and I really hit it off. For our first date, he took me to dinner and a movie. He was sweet and funny without being too over the top and it was easy to be with him. By the time he walked me to my door, I was head over heels in the way only a teenager can be. He kissed me goodnight and the next day at school, he asked me to be his girlfriend. At sixteen years old, I thought he was perfect. He treated me like a princess, made me laugh and with him by my side, my new life didn’t feel so daunting. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world.
Things were hot and heavy for us, but Austin was so patient – he never pushed me for sex and always told me he was happy to wait until I was ready. It was a relief after some of the horror stories I’d heard about other guys at our school and after seven months of dating, I gave him my virginity. On the night we first had sex, my mom and Harrison were out at some function and Ivy was at a friend’s house so I invited him over and we went up to my room. He was just as sweet and attentive as he’d always been and it was the most magical night of my life. I decided that this was the man for me, my one true love but everything after that night went downhill.
Austin pulled away from me. It wasn’t instant or obvious but little by little, I was seeing less of him and our interactions were a little more strained. I was terrified I would lose him and I was ready to do whatever it took to keep him. One day after school, I cornered him and forced him to talk to me. He admitted he’d been so stressed with school and stuff going on at home that he’d been shutting everyone out. I’ll never forget the relief that washed through me when he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into his body, planting his lips on my forehead. He told me he was sorry and invited me to a party at one of his friend’s houses that weekend.
The night of the party, I showed up in the sexiest dress I owned, which admittedly wasn’t all that sexy but I felt beautiful in it and Austin’s face lit up when he saw me so I was on top of the world, ready to dance and have fun with my boyfriend. The last thing I can remember is sipping on my drink while Austin and I danced to Candy Shop by 50 Cent. From there, things get fuzzy and I only have little snippets of memories that don’t really make a whole lot of sense. It’s still, to this day, confusing and impossible to piece together.
When I woke up the next morning, I was back in my bed and my body hurt, everywhere. It was a pain unlike anything I’d ever felt, before or since, and I knew something was wrong, but I had no idea how much my life would change. I hobbled into the bathroom and positioned myself in front of the mirror, not at all prepared for the sight that met me. Dark circular bruises covered my arms and thighs and my chest and neck were covered in hickeys. There was dried blood on the inside of my legs and a dark ring around my neck like someone had strangled me. Gasping, I fell to the tile floor and sobbed, my mind going crazy as I tried to piece together the night before but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember what happened.
Ivy found me twenty minutes later, still curled up on the bathroom floor, crying my eyes out. She screamed for our mother and sat down beside me with tears freely flowing down her cheeks as she tried desperately to comfort me. It was also the only time I ever saw tears in my mother’s eyes. They didn’t spill down her cheeks, but they were there for a moment before she gathered me up and rushed me to the emergency room. We sat there for hours in a little room, hidden behind drapes, as they ran test after test on me and asked me questions I had no answers for. And then they walked into the room. If I close my eyes, I can still see their faces just as clearly as I did that day, so somber as they told me what I already knew.