Yeah, that’s not going to fucking happen.
Pushing off the couch, I go to her, catching her in my arms before she can run away, and hold her close. “Please don’t make me leave. I need you tonight and whether or not you want to admit it, I think you need me, too.”
The only sound is her labored breaths as I wait for her answer and I feel like she has the power to destroy me here. Finally, she nods. “Okay.”
Letting out a sigh, I pull her into my arms and my fingers dig into her hair as I kiss the top of her head. She pulls away and looks up at me, guarded but not completely closed off.
“One last thing, okay?”
When she nods, I give her the most reassuring smile I can. “I’m here for you, Carly. For as long as you’ll have me, I’m yours and you can tell me anything.”
She drops her head, her forehead pressing against my chest as she grips my shirt in a fist. Her heaving back and the wet spot forming on my t-shirt are the only indications I have she’s crying and it tears my fucking heart out. Leaning down, I scoop her up into my arms and carry her to bed, hoping that one day she’ll feel safe enough to let me in. I’ll wait as long as it takes because if I know one thing for sure, it’s that I am completely and totally in love with this woman.
Chapter Fourteen
Carly
If I cracked open an encyclopedia and looked up the word screwed, I would find a little picture of me right next to it because it’s what I am. Completely and totally screwed. I’m talking up a creek without a paddle in the dead of winter kind of trouble and there is no hope for salvation. And you want to know the very worst part? I knew better. I’ve already learned this lesson the hard way once but apparently, I’m a little slow because I jumped in headfirst. I was weak and I could blame it on any number of things but it won’t fix anything now. The very first time he looked at me with those jade colored eyes on me and smiled, I should have run in the opposite direction. Instead, I hesitated and I got sucked into his orbit. Any other guy, any other time, and I would have walked away but not this time, not with Chance. Something about him kept me rooted to the spot and he invaded my life.
Either I’ve completely lost my mind or it’s been so long since I’ve been properly fucked that he was able to dazzle me with his skills in bed and render me stupid. But even as I think that, I know it’s not true. What Chance and I have is deeper and no matter how hard I try to fight it, I just keep falling deeper. I wish I could blame it on the sex because it would make it easier to walk away but I’m in too deep now. I’ve allowed things to go too far, farther than I’ve ever allowed them to go before, and the biggest problem is I fucking like it. I like the way he holds me at night and how it feels when I first see his face after a long day at work. When he wraps his arms around me, I can’t imagine anything better and the safe feeling that washes over me from his presence alone is addicting and so incredibly dangerous. And I’m afraid I’m starting to need it.
My mind drifts to the night before last when he showed up on my doorstep with a haunted expression I was all too familiar with. It broke through my defenses and I couldn’t turn him away no matter how hard I tried. He needed me in that moment and if I’m honest with myself, I needed him, but it was a mistake. My mask slipped and he saw it all, all the pain and anger I’ve kept inside all these years. He may not know exactly what torments me, but he knows more than he should. And then, the next morning, he woke me with a line of kisses down my naked back that sent my heart fluttering like I’d never experienced pain or heartbreak in my life. That’s why he’s so dangerous. Because he makes me forget.
After our shower together, we made love in front of the mirror, staring into each other’s eyes the whole time – another costly mistake – before he baked muffins for breakfast. I sat at the island and we talked the whole time, about absolutely nothing at all and I laughed more than I can remember in recent memory. Any spare moment he had, he was glued to my body, caressing me, peppering little kisses over my skin that made my heart ache with their tenderness. For those fleeting moments, we were like a real couple and it was amazing. No, more than amazing. It was everything. Everything I’ve always wished for in the dark of night but never been able to admit. Everything that was robbed from me when I was only a child. Everything that will never last. At least, not for me.
And just like that, I’m imagining a life for us and the kicker is, it’s so easy to picture in my mind. I can see him in my house, our house, sleeping in our bed, and us loving each other through every day for the rest of forever. I can imagine walking down an aisle to him as he waits in front of the preacher and babies running around the house, little giggles filling the air as we watch them, our hearts full of love. Suddenly, it feels like the air has been knocked out of me and I close my eyes to regain control. I cannot be thinking things like this and I definitely can’t use words like love or forever. They may be a part of everyone else’s lives but not mine.
“Hello? Earth to Carly,” Ali calls, getting my attention by waving her hand in front of my face and I blink, glancing up at her.
“Huh?”
She scowls at me. “Are you ignoring us?”
“No,” I breathe out, shaking my head. “I’m just a little distracted.”
“Yeah, I figured that out,” she scoffs. “What are you thinking so hard about over there?”
“Nothing.” I wait until she looks away to glance at Chance, who is sitting a few tables over to keep an eye on us. I understand the guys have Ali under surveillance for her safety but why the hell did they have to send Chance in here? Or why couldn’t he keep watch outside where Storm is right now?
“Okay, seriously, what is going on with you?” Izzy asks, her gaze zeroed in on me. Pulling my gaze away from Chance, I shake my head and take a deep breath to focus on our dinner conversation.
“Sorry. Just family stuff lately.” It’s not exactly a lie since neither Dottie or I have heard from Ivy in a while but that’s not what’s taking up all my focus tonight.
Ali glances over at me, her brow furrowed and concern in her eyes. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, just drama, you know?”
“You sure?” she asks. I force a smile and nod, doing my best to avoid Chance’s gaze.
“Absolutely.”
She’s not buying it, but she doesn’t say anything else as she looks back down at her menu. Like he’s got some kind of power over me, my eyes seek Chance again and I sigh when I find him still staring at me. With monumental effort, I turn away from him and turn back to Ali.
“Why is Chance in here? I kind of assumed Storm wouldn’t let you out of his sight.”
She sighs, rolling her eyes but a smile teases her lips as she glances over her shoulder at Chance and I follow her gaze. He flashes her a grin and waves, making her roll her eyes again. “Oh, believe me, he was not happy about it, but I told him I deserved time with my friends without him breathing down my neck and he finally agreed as long as Chance was inside.”
“I’m sure he took that well,” Izzy quips and we all giggle as Ali nods. She’s so happy that she’s practically glowing even with all the drama going on in her life.