Letting out a breath, I sneak into the room and pull the chair in the corner closer to the bed before sitting down and propping my chin in my hands. What the fuck am I going to do here? It already feels helpless, the walls she’s built around her heart too high to climb but what other option do I have? I’m not capable of leaving her, of giving up on us. My stomach knots as I think about all the things I’ve done wrong since meeting her and I hate myself for the choices I made. Looking back now, I don’t even know what I was thinking. If I had just been honest with her from the moment I learned the truth, everything would be different between us now.
Her full lips are parted in sleep and my entire body aches to lean forward and press my mouth to hers, just for a little taste to get me through the rest of the night. I miss her so fucking much that it feels like half of me has been ripped away and my mind drifts to the night before everything fell apart. I picture her creamy skin under my hands as I made her come again and again, my name falling from her lips in complete bliss. In my mind, I can see her, bathed in the moonlight like she is now, riding me with her hands in her fiery hair and her perky tits bouncing in my face. I let out a low groan and freeze as she shifts.
A noise from outside has my head snapping up to the door and I strain my ears, trying to hear anything else but the house remains eerily quiet. Sighing, I pull my phone out and bring up the cameras, flipping through each of them and when I find nothing, I lean back in my chair. I could go investigate but I refuse to leave her all alone. In fact, we should really have two people here at all times. I make a note to talk to Blaze about it tomorrow as I grab the pistol out of her bedside table and settle into the chair for the night.
* * * *
Laughter draws my attention toward the table where Tate is talking to Smith and sharpening a few of her knives. I’m half convinced she’s doing it just to fuck with me but it doesn’t matter. I shoot them a glare, pissed that he gets to see her smile and make her laugh while all I get is her hatred. I can’t blame her for it when I’m the reason for this tension between us but I still don’t like it. She’s mine – her smile, her laughter – it all belongs to me and I fucking miss it more each second I’m locked up in this house with her. When I close my eyes, I can still see it – the special smile that she only shared with me – and I want it back so badly that I’m barely resisting the urge to walk up to her and shake her. I want to scream at her to talk to me, yell at me, hit me, or shoot me again because I’d be happy with anything other than the indifference or snarky comments directed at me this morning.
“I’ve got to go to the clubhouse. You good here, brother?” I ask, my gaze flicking to Tate but she ignores me, focused on sharpening her knives. Smith meets my eyes and nods.
“Yeah, man. We’re cool.” He gives me a thumbs-up and I roll my eyes at the ridiculous “Team Tate” t-shirt he showed up in this morning. He’s just egging her on and loving every fucking minute of it. Finally, Tate glances up at me, her gaze warring between rage and disinterest.
“I don’t know why you’re so fucking worried about Smith. He’s not the one inspiring me to cause bodily harm.”
Her gaze flicks to my injured leg and I take a step back as she smirks, turning back to her knives.
“Just go, brother. I’ll keep her safe,” Smith assures me and her heavy sigh makes me smile. Every time someone insinuates that she’s not capable of defending herself, she gets so damn mad and ready to fight anyone to prove them wrong.
“All right. I’ll be back later.”
“Oh,” Tate whispers. “Please do hurry back.”
I grit my teeth at the sarcastic tone of her voice as I nod at Smith and yank the door open, ducking outside before she can hurl more insults at me. I almost prefer the indifference from yesterday but when she woke up this morning and found me sleeping in the chair next to her bed, she was pissed. I woke up on the floor with the gun pointed in my face after she kicked the chair over.
Sighing, I climb behind the wheel of the Camaro and fire her up, loving the deep throaty rumble of the engine. I take one last look at the house before pulling away from the curb. When I agreed to keep her safe, I knew winning her over again wouldn’t be easy but I greatly underestimated how stubborn she is. And how angry she is. I also get that, though. She and I are so alike that it’s easy to put myself in her place and if the roles were reversed and she spent all our time together lying to me, I don’t know how I would forgive her. She opened up a part of herself to me that she had kept shielded from the rest of the world for so long and I abused that privilege. I know that and I also know winning her back won’t be as easy as saying I’m sorry or bringing her flowers. Her trust in me is broken and I need to fix that.
Problem is, I’m not sure how.
When I pull into the clubhouse parking lot, I spot a few bikes lined up out front and I’m glad that everyone else is out today. Even though I just left her, I’m eager to get back. Sure, she’ll still be throwing insults and threatening to maim or murder me but I’ll stand there and take it all for her.
I park the Camaro near the door and climb out as Storm walks out into the parking lot. He spots me and nods.
“I’d be careful in there if I were you.”
“Yeah?” I ask. “Why’s that?”
He chuckles. “Ali is fucking pissed at you for screwing things up with Tate and she’s less cute kitten and more angry cougar these days.”
“Did you just call your wife an old woman?” I ask, scrunching up my brow and his head whips up as he shoots me a death glare.
“No, I fucking did not and if you tell her that, I’ll hold ‘ya down while Tate enacts whatever punishment she’s got planned for you.”
“Asshole,” I mutter and he laughs.
“What did you think would happen when you lied to her, Kodiak? A woman like that does not just forgive and forget.”
I sigh, running my hand through my hair. “Yeah, I know that and I guess I wasn’t really thinking. Blaze asked me to do him a favor and before I knew it, everything was going to shit.”
“And now what? You’re going to convince her to give you another chance?”
I paste a grin on my face. “Or die tryin’.”
“Good fucking luck,” he mutters, swinging his leg over his bike and I nod as I turn toward the door to the clubhouse. Fuzz is behind the bar when I stroll in and he nods before turning back to Ali, who glares at me. I spin back toward the door as her voice rings out through the room.
“Oh, no, you don’t! Get back here.”
Wincing, I spin back to face her. “Yeah? Something I can help you with, Ali?”
“Don’t you try to be cute with me, Kodiak,” she snaps, getting up in my face as she slaps my arm. “What the fuck were you thinking? That girl is fucking perfect for you.”
“I know she is,” I agree, rubbing my arm where she hit me.
“You love her?”
I nod. “Absolutely.”
“You want to live your life without her?”
I shake my head, my heart stalling at the thought. “No. Not a second of it.”
“Okay,” she sighs, studying me for a moment. “I suppose I forgive you then but you’d better fix this. I liked her.”