“Which is?”
“You, sweetheart,” he whispers, reaching up and brushing his thumb over my cheek. His touch sends goose bumps racing across my skin and my eyes drift closed as I let it sink in. “It’s always been you.”
“I don’t know how you can even look at me.”
“Quinn,” he chastises. “I love you. Looking at you is one of my favorite damn things. Why would that be any different now?”
I grab his hand and press it against my cheek as I look up at him. “You know why.”
“Tate mentioned something about you thinking that I blamed you but I had hoped that she was wrong.”
“It’s just…” I start, my lip wobbling. “If I hadn’t confronted him about what he did to me… maybe he wouldn’t have…”
“Stop right now,” he snaps, his gaze hard as he stares down at me. “This is the very last time I want to hear you say anything like this. You had every right to confront him. Every. Fucking. Right. And what he did, the turmoil that drove him to end his life… that was there long before either one of us ever laid eyes on you. This is not your fault.”
“How are you so put together right now?” I ask, watching him in awe. Yes, he’s sad - that’s clear to anyone that looks at him but seeing him now, I have no doubt that he’s going to be okay. He smiles and pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me.
“Well, for starters, I’m holding you and like I told you when we first met, you make everything else melt away. Also because I know he’s in a better place now. He’s free of the drugs and the pain that weighed him down his entire life and I have to believe that Mom was waiting for him with open arms.”
“I thought you would be…”
He lets out a humorless laugh. “Baby, there’s a reason you haven’t seen me all week. I’ve been to hell and back over everything that happened but I know I did everything I could for my brother. I have no regrets and like I said, he’s at peace now. And, for what it’s worth, so I am.”
“I’m so sorry, Lucas. I never wanted this for you.”
He smiles, pulling me closer and pressing a kiss against my forehead. “I know you didn’t, baby, but like I said, I really am okay.”
“I don’t see how…”
“Look, it’s sad and I’m going to miss him but I’ve been missing my brother for a very long time. The drugs ate away at so much of him that he hasn’t been my brother for years and the worry I always carried around with me is gone now. As shitty as it sounds, I’m free now, too, and I think Clay would want that for me. There will probably be a piece of me missing for the rest of my life but that’s been the case since the moment we met. I was just hanging on to the hope that I might get him back someday.”
“And where does that leave us?”
“In exactly the same spot we were in the morning we went to the police. I love you, Quinn Dawson, and I’ll tell you again, there is no future for me without you or Brooklyn.”
I shake my head and take a step back. “Everything is so complicated now.”
“Really? Because I’d say things are less complicated now than they were before. I’ve lost my brother and I’ve got to learn to live with that but I can’t lose you, too. You are everything to me, baby. You and that little girl inside.”
I shake my head. “You really don’t blame me?”
“The thought never even once crossed my mind, sweetheart.”
“And you love me?” I ask, my hands shaking and my heart racing for a whole new reason now. He smiles.
“With every broken, twisted piece of my heart and soul.”
I nod, studying him as I hold back a grin. “I guess there’s only one thing left to do then.”
“Yeah?” he asks, arching a brow. “What’s that?”
“Kiss me.”
He grins and pulls me closer. “Yes, ma’am.”
Epilogue
Quinn
Three Months Later
“Babe,” Lucas drawls as he rounds the front of the truck and takes my outstretched hand. “You really don’t have to do this with me. I don’t want to upset you.”
I glance up at the gravestones and turn back to him with a smile. “It’s not upsetting me, Lucas. I’m here for you. Always.”
“But after everything he put you through…” His voice trails off as his gaze flicks to Clay’s grave. “I don’t expect you to come with me.”
Rolling my eyes, I grab the bouquet of flowers from the seat and close the door to the truck before turning toward the grave with his hand in mine. It won’t do me any good to continue arguing with him - something I’ve learned countless times over the past three months. He’s so careful not to say or do anything that might trigger memories in me that I have to show him that I really am okay before he will actually believe it.
“Let’s go,” I urge, stretching my arm out in front of us and he sighs. As we walks across the grass with the early morning dew still clinging to its blades, my mind drifts back to Clay’s funeral. It was another instance where Lucas tried to keep me from going in an effort to protect me but I refused. Part of loving this man is standing by his side even when it’s uncomfortable for me. Not that I didn’t get anything from the service. As I listened to Lucas and Iris tell stories from Clay’s childhood, something happened inside me - almost like he became two different people. The first, Lucas’s little brother - a sweet, funny, charismatic boy who had been hurt more than any person ever should and the second, the man who was being eaten alive by that pain until he had no other choice but to lash out to free himself from some of it.
If I learned anything that night in the boxcar, it was that what Clay did to me was never about power or malice. It wasn’t even all that sexual. He was just someone in a tremendous amount of pain and when he couldn’t take it any more, he tried to find some comfort in something other than the drugs he had relied on for years but because of the drugs, he did something he never would have done sober. As the man I love said good-bye to his brother, I was able to forgive him - not only for myself but for Clay, too. I sincerely hope that Lucas was right. I hope Clay is free and finally at peace now somewhere beyond the clouds with their mother by his side.
Besides, in a weird turn of events, I suppose I’m even thankful for what he did.
Yes, it was horrific and the single worst thing I’ve ever experienced but through that night, I gained Brooklyn and no matter how she was conceived, she’s been one of the biggest blessings in my life. Glancing over at the other biggest blessing I’ve found, I squeeze his hand and smile. I went through hell when Clay raped me but it led me here - to the family that I’ve always wanted and I couldn’t be happier.
Epilogue
Part Two
Lucas
One Month Later
“Shit,” I whisper, my heart thudding in my chest as I wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans and stare down at the engagement ring I’ve been carrying around since before my brother died. I think I knew from the moment I met her that Quinn was the One but after everything that happened with my brother, I didn’t want to rush anything. We both needed time to just settle into our new normal and damn, I’m so glad that I did.