“How did he react to that?”
“He seemed like he had no idea what Lucas was talking about and after I told him what happened that night, he looked horrified. He called himself a monster and said he didn’t deserve a second chance before shooting himself.”
He sighs and tosses his pen down on the desk before rubbing his hand over his face and crossing his arms over his chest. “After Clay shot himself, what happened?”
“Lucas was… empty… He just kept staring at Clay’s body with this blank look on his face.” Just thinking about it breaks my heart. “I knew that we needed to call the police but no matter how much I tried to get his attention, Lucas was lost so after I freed my hands, I crawled over to him and dug his phone out of his pocket to call y’all.”
“Okay,” he breathes, nodding. “I think that’s all we need for now. The doctor at the hospital sent along his report and it all matches up with your story.”
I nod, my hands shaking. It has to be past six by now and I need to crawl into my bed and sleep for the next twenty-four hours.
“You’re free to go. If I have any more questions, I’ll call or stop by your house.”
“Wait,” I call as he stands. “I actually have a question.”
He nods. “What is it?”
“How did Clay get the file on his mom’s murder?”
Rodriguez lets out another heavy sigh and shakes his head. “Apparently, one of the officers took pity on Clay and thought if he knew the truth, he’d be able to finally move on and get clean. She gave him everything – photos, statements from neighbors, forensic reports, court transcripts.”
“I see,” I whisper, my hands shaking from anger this time. Clay may have seen Brooklyn and me at the baby shower but learning what his father did is what pushed him over the edge. My daughter and I were in danger all because of this misguided officer.
“She’s been put on leave while we sort this all out and I promise, it will be dealt with, Miss Dawson.”
I nod and he turns to leave. Reaching out, I grab his arm. “Wait. Have you see Lucas?”
His face falls as he nods.
“How is he?” I ask, my stomach flipping and my heart racing. He opens his mouth to answer before snapping it shut again and shaking his head. Taking a deep breath, he flashes me a sympathetic look.
“Just give him time. He’s still in shock.”
“Could I see him?”
“He left already. Storm, Chance, and Moose picked him up an hour ago.”
I nod. “Oh, okay.”
“Listen, I don’t know if this is any consolation given everything that’s happened, but I know that he loves you. Like I said, just give him a little time.”
* * * *
Frogs croak from the yard, joining the chirp of the crickets and I shudder, pulling the blanket tighter around me. I used to love that sound but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to hear it again without picturing everything that happened in that boxcar four days ago.
“Quinn?” Alice calls from the front door and I glance up. “You okay?”
I force a smile to my face and nod. “Yeah. Is Brooklyn asleep?”
“I think so. She fussed for a while but that’s just cause she’s missing Lucas so much.” She walks out onto the porch and sits down next to me on the swing. “Have you heard from him?”
“No. And I don’t expect to.”
She wraps her arm around me and pulls me into a hug. “I wouldn’t give up on him just yet.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it,” a voice calls and I glance up as Tate walks up the front steps.
“Tate,” I say, forcing yet another smile. “What brings you by?”
“Well, if you wipe that fake ass smile off your face, I’ll tell you.”
My face falls and relief washes through me as she leans back against the house and sinks to her butt.
“That’s better. How are you feeling?”
I shrug. “Numb.”
The truth is, I’ve felt so many different emotions since that night that it’s just easier to say numb than to describe my ever changing mood. On the one hand, my heart is breaking for not only myself but for Lucas, too, and on the other, I’m so goddamn angry at him. When we were in the boxcar, after he got Brooklyn away from Clay, I might as well have been invisible. Although, I don’t know what else I expected. I always knew that he’d never be able to walk away from his brother and that night proved just that but it still hurt to watch as his only focus became Clay.
“Sounds like BS to me. How are you really feeling?”
“Anyone ever told you that you’re pushy?” I grumble, pulling the blanket tighter around my body. She grins.
“Every day of my life. Now answer the question.”
I sigh, dropping my gaze to the boards on the porch as I force back tears. “If you can name it, I’ve probably felt it in the last few days.”
She nods in understanding. “That’s better.”
“Have you seen Lucas?” I ask, hope filling my chest as I glance up at her and she nods.
“He’s a goddamn mess but I also think he’s a little relieved - not that he’d ever admit that to anyone. As long as I’ve known him, he’s always been worried about his brother and although he loved him and he’s sad, I think he feels free, too.”
“Which means he feels guilty,” I supply and she nods.
“That, too. I’ve been trying to knock some sense into him but the man is stubborn. You’re the only one who has ever been able to get through to him.”
Memories from just a few short weeks ago pop into my mind and I fight back tears. Maybe I was able to get through to him before but at this point, I doubt he’ll ever want to see me again. Too much has happened.
“I hope he’ll be able to find a way to be happy again…someday.”
Tate arches a brow. “Why the hell are you talking like it has nothing to do with you?”
“Yeah,” Alice adds, scowling. “Lucas is crazy in love with you, Quinn.”
“Look at everything that has happened, you guys. It’s too much for any relationship to survive, let alone one that was just starting.”
“No, you’re wrong,” Tate urges, shaking her head. “He fucking loves you, even if he does have his head up his own ass right now.”
I sigh and close my eyes. “Look, I’m not expecting anything from him, okay? He just watched his brother die in front of him and it was all my fault. I can’t blame him for wanting nothing to do with me.”
“Hold the fuck up,” Tate growls. “Why the hell do you think this is your fault?”
“What she said,” Alice adds, pointing to Tate as she glares at me. Memories from that night flash through my mind and tears well up in my eyes.
“Clay didn’t know what he had done to me. He had no idea that he had raped me and when we told him, he was horrified. He called himself a monster and said he didn’t deserve a second chance.”
“Shit,” Tate breathes, shaking her head. “Despite that, Clay had so many issues and you were not the cause of his death. If you want to blame someone, blame their good for nothing daddy. Bastard is going to rot in hell for what he put Clay and Lucas through.”