“How did this happen?” Noah asks and I nod, desperately needing that answer as well as I glance up at them again.
“When you told me that Thomas was born almost exactly seven years ago, I started searching. On January thirty-first, two thousand twelve, a baby was left outside a fire station one mile from Biche’s house. The same house that someone pulled permits to build a basement apartment in two years prior.”
I clamp my hand over my mouth. “Oh, God.”
He just left him outside a fire station?
I imagine my baby boy, scared and out in the cold until someone found him and my stomach heaves. He was left outside of a fire station, just like I was - something Oliver knew. He’s a fucking monster.
“Where is he?” Noah asks, pulling the file out of my hand. “Where is our son?”
“Your son was placed in foster care…”
“No,” I sob, shaking my head as my heart squeezes. The biggest factor is my desire for a big family was growing up in foster care and knowing that my son ended up in the same place feels like someone is shredding me from the inside out. The pain is unbearable. Noah wraps his arm around me and pulls me into his side.
“He was only there for three months before he was adopted by a family in Port Allen. Their names are Kelly and TJ Olsen,” Streak says, his voice full of sympathy. I bury my head in Noah’s neck, unable to hold the tears back as my mind races over how fucked up everything is. Losing Thomas was one thing but knowing he’s been out there this whole time, less than thirty miles from me, is a whole new kind of pain that I don’t know how to handle.
“I’m so sorry, you two,” Blaze offers and I feel Noah nod as his hand slips into my hair and he massages the back of my head. “If there’s anything we can do, please let us know.”
“You got an address?” Noah asks.
“Yeah. It’s in the file.”
Noah nods and grabs the file as he stands up and holds his hand out for me to grab. I peek up at him, sniffling as I wipe the tears from my face. “Where are we going?”
“To see our son.”
My heart jumps into my throat as I stand up and glance around the room before nodding. More than anything else in this world, I want to see my baby boy. He reaches for my hand and laces our fingers together before nodding to Blaze and Streak.
“Good luck,” Streak says. Blaze’s face looks grim as he stands and holds his hand up, stopping us from charging out of the room.
“I know y’all want to see your boy and I can’t say that I blame you but just remember that his family, the parents and possible siblings he’s been living with for the past seven years, have no idea how he came to be with them. They’re victims in this, too.”
Noah glances at me and I nod. Blaze is absolutely right. There is only one person to blame for our situation and it’s certainly not the people who stepped up and took care of my son when I couldn’t. No matter how much losing him hurts, no matter how angry I am at all the years I’ve lost, they aren’t to blame.
“Hear you loud and clear, boss,” Noah says before pulling me closer and wrapping his arm around my shoulders as we turn and leave the room. My heart thunders in my chest as we walk out to the truck and my stomach feels like someone dropped a boulder in it.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I whisper when we stop by the passenger side of the truck and Noah lifts my gaze to his, his expression softening.
“It’s going to be okay, baby.”
I shake my head as my stomach rolls and tears spring to my eyes. “He’s been right across the river this whole time. I’m his mother… I should have known he wasn’t dead. Why didn’t I know?”
“How could you have, Kady?”
“I’m his mother,” I cry, clutching at my chest like I can somehow stop the onslaught of pain and confusion drowning me right now. A sob bubbles out of me and Noah’s face crumples as he pulls me into his arms and crushes me to his chest. “I should have known.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“I should have known,” I sob, clinging to the back of his t-shirt as the tears come faster and my chest tightens so forcefully that it’s difficult to breathe. Noah shoves his hand into my hair, massaging the back of my head as he holds me tight with his other arm and presses his lips to the top of my head. I feel a single tear fall on my shoulder as he releases a stuttered breath.
“I’m so sorry, Kady. I’m so goddamn sorry.”
I pull back to look at him as I wipe my tears. “Please stop apologizing to me. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
He grimaces before dropping his gaze to the ground and when I reach out for him, he takes a step back and I suck in a breath. Never in the seventeen years that I’ve known him has he ever avoided my touch. Not once. Looking up, he meets my eyes again as he pulls open the truck door.
“Let’s go see him.”
We stare at each other for a second before I nod and climb in the truck. It’s time for Noah to have a come to Jesus moment and I have no problem dishing that up for him but it’ll have to wait.
Thomas is our priority right now.
He rounds the back of the truck and climbs behind the wheel before starting the engine and whipping out of the parking space. His knuckles are white as he grips the steering wheel tightly and I sigh. I’m desperate to ask him how he’s feeling but I know it won’t do any good. Getting Noah to open up is going to be like peeling an onion… unless, of course, you use a knife. Something I have no qualms about doing but it can’t happen now.
The drive to Port Allen takes forever and somehow passes by in a flash all at the same time and as we pull into town my stomach churns more violently. My chest feels impossibly tight as my heart thunders and I wonder what we’re going to find when we pull up to the address Streak gave us. Will we find a happy family with two loving parents and a couple brothers and sisters for him to play with? Or will we find the kind of situation that I always feared every time I stepped into a new foster house? Honestly, I don’t know which would be worse. Of course, I don’t want my son to be in pain or scared but knowing that he’s perfectly fine without me in his life when his absence in mine has redefined everything for me hurts more than I can describe.
I’m so incredibly stupid for just taking Oliver at his word when he told me Thomas had died… I didn’t even question it! What the hell is wrong with me? The man abducted me in the middle of the night and held me captive in an apartment for a year but it never even occurred to me that he might be lying about Thomas.
“We’re here,” Noah says, his voice grave as we pull up in front of a beautiful, royal blue two-story house with a large, well manicured lawn. I suck in a breath as my gaze flicks across the property.
“It’s gorgeous.”
Noah reaches across the seat and grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Yeah, it is.”
We watch for a few minutes before a man runs out of the front door with a little girl about four on his heels and our son comes into view right behind her.
“Noah,” I gasp, squeezing his hand again as tears spring to my eyes again. He’s gorgeous, absolutely perfect, and the strangest sensation fills my chest. Almost like my heart is breaking and glowing at the same time - love like I’ve never known filling me. “He looks just like you.”