“Of course she did,” she whispers, shaking her head as she sits on the couch and hugs her legs to her chest. “Are you here to break up with me?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Then why are you here?” she asks. I can see her fighting back the hope that maybe I’m here for her and it breaks my heart that she thinks so little of my feelings for her. From the moment I met this girl, she threw me off balance and challenged me but I don’t know how I would go on without her. Even though we haven’t even known each other for two weeks, she fucking owns me. I open my mouth to tell her just that but it doesn’t feel like enough. My words pale in comparison to the things she makes me feel. Dropping my gaze to her lips, I do the only thing I can - pull her into my lap and kiss her senseless.
She gasps as she settles on my lap and grips my t-shirt in her fists like she never wants to let me go again. That’s good because someone will have to kill me and pry my cold dead hands off her before I’ll ever let her walk out of my life. She gasps as she tears her lips from mine and shakes her head, staring at me with tears in her eyes.
“What does this mean?”
I smile and reach up, cupping her cheek in my hand. “It means I’m an idiot and I love you.”
“You love me?” she whispers, her voice barely audible as her eyes widen and I nod.
“I do.”
A side smile stretches across her face and a tear streaks down her cheek. “I love you, too.”
“I know.” I laugh. “Mercedes told me down in that bar.”
Her jaw drops and she playfully glares at the door. “That bitch.”
“Don’t be too mad at her, angel. It’s what I needed to hear to stop being such a baby about everything you told me earlier today.”
“Oh, God,” she says as she turns back to me. “I hope you know I never meant to hurt you. I was just so lost and trying to protect myself…”
I lean in and steal a kiss. “I know, sweetheart. Honestly, after Mercedes explained what you’ve gone through, I’m in awe of you. You’re so strong and if it had happened to me, I would have just fallen apart but you didn’t. You took control of your life and I can’t even tell you how happy I am that you did because it brought you to me.”
“Sawyer,” she whispers, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath like she’s washing all the pain away. I can’t take my eyes off her.
“My angel…”
Opening her eyes, she smiles. “I love it when you call me that.”
“It’s what you are. Before I met you, I was beginning to think I was going to spend the rest of my life alone… and I thought it was what I deserved.”
“Why?” she asks, her brows knitted together in concern. I sigh.
“I already told you about Molly,” I answer and she nods. “But there was someone else before her…”
“Someone you loved?”
I shake my head, pain piercing through me as memories flood my mind. “Not like that. Her name was Lydia and I met her when we were six. She was my best friend and we never went anywhere without each other.”
“I get the sense that this story doesn’t have a happy ending.”
“It doesn’t,” I whisper, fighting through waves of pain and guilt. “We were juniors in high school when she met Tony, this guy that worked at the coffee shop by our school. He was a little bit older than us and had a bit of an edge that only made Lydia like him more and no one could tell her anything about him.”
She sucks in a breath.
“Anyway, they started dating and things seemed okay at first and then I noticed that Lydia was wearing long sleeved t-shirts in the middle of the summer and if I startled her or touched her when she wasn’t expecting it, she’d jump sky high.”
“Oh, Sawyer,” she whispers and my eyes burn with unshed tears as I shake my head. I hate telling this fucking story - it wrecks me every time - but she needs to hear it.
“I tried talking to her and I told her over and over again how she could tell me anything and I’d always be there for her but she wouldn’t open up to me. One day in art class, we were making stuff out of clay so she had to push her sleeves up and that’s when I saw the handprint around her wrist. She finally broke down and told me that he had been beating her for months.”
Juliette lays her head on my shoulder and I shudder as I wrap my arms around her back, holding her close as I continue.
“After talking for a long time, I finally convinced her that she had to end things and I sat next to her as she called him and told him they were done. He was pissed and he swore that he was going to make her pay. She started to panic but I told her I’d keep her safe and I went into full on protective mode. I walked her to and from school everyday, I sat outside her house until after her parents got home from work, and she stayed over at my house when she couldn’t take anymore and needed to disappear.”
“This is why you work with the Devils?” she asks and I nod. “Is Lydia okay?”
“No, she’s not.” My voice cracks and I clear my throat as I pull Juliette in tighter. “I had a dentist appointment one morning and I wasn’t able to walk with Lydia to school but she promised me she was getting a ride from her mom so I thought everything would be okay… When I got to school, I couldn’t find her anywhere and she wasn’t answering her phone… I called her parents and her mom said that Lydia walked to school by herself that morning.”
She sits up and meets my eyes. “They didn’t know?”
“No,” I answer, shaking my head. “She didn’t want them to know and she was my best friend so I kept her secret… and then they found her body in the woods by her house the next day.”
“Oh, baby,” she breathes, pressing her hand to my cheek as my chest aches and my stomach rolls.
“She’d been beaten to death and it was all my fault.” I close my eyes as a tear slips down my cheek and she wipes it away as she cuddles back into me.
“No, it wasn’t your fault. You were just a kid…”
I shake my head. “I should have done more. I should have done better… she was counting on me to keep her safe and I couldn’t do that.”
“Sawyer,” she whispers, sitting up and forcing me to open my eyes and look up at her. “I love your sweet, tender heart and your fierce protectiveness but some things are just out of your control. You did everything you could and then Lydia made the decision to walk to school knowing she was in danger. That was her choice and you can’t carry it around on your back like it’s yours. I can see the way it eats away at you…”
Shaking my head, I slip my hand into her hair and push her down until her lips meet mine. I can’t listen to her tell me it wasn’t my fault anymore when I know damn well it was but maybe, with her help and her love, I can finally put it in my past. Her body melts into mine as she grips my shoulders, kissing me back with just as much need. I grip a chunk of her hair and push her down onto my lap as I thrust up and she gasps.
“I need you, angel,” I murmur and she nods, raking her teeth down my neck. My cock jumps and desire floods my body as I dig my fingers into her skin. Groaning, I grab her ass and stand up with her in my arms before turning and carrying her into the bedroom. I sit on the edge of the bed and she moans as she rocks her hips against me. I release a breath. “Baby…”