I blink and turn toward the window before climbing out of bed. “You’re here?”
“Yeah,” he says as I reach the window and look down. He waves up at me and I shake my head. Any other night, I would try to resist but I just don’t have the energy for it after my little trip down memory lane. Besides, the thought of Wyatt wrapping his arms around me and kissing the top of my head like he used to anytime I woke up from a nightmare sounds way too good to pass up.
“Okay… there’s a key taped to the underside of the mailbox.”
He frowns as he glances at the little black box next to the front door. “That’s not safe, Pip.”
“Do you want to scold me or do you want to come in?”
“You just told me where the damn key is, baby,” he says, looking up and meeting my eyes through the window as he fights back a grin that makes a shiver run down my spine. Good Lord, I always thought Wyatt was the cutest boy I’d ever met but now… he is all man and he can reduce me to a puddle with just a simple look. “Do you really think you could stop me?”
I roll my eyes. “Just get up here.”
“Yes, ma’am.” His grin makes my heart melt and I blink, fighting back tears again. God, I missed that man so much these past ten years and it’s a wonder how I ever survived. Now that he’s back in my life, or sort of back, I don’t know how I ever went one day without him. But the bigger problem is, I don’t know how to keep resisting him. I watch him as he walks up to the front door and peels the key from under the mailbox before I turn back to the bed and hang up, tossing my phone on the bedside table. As I climb on the mattress and pull the blankets around me, I hear the front door open and my heart kicks in my chest.
I’m so stupid.
I’ve known him for twenty damn years and I still get butterflies in my belly at the thought of seeing him. Just the sound of his name is enough to have me fighting back a grin and when he steps in close to me, my heart beats a little bit faster. Shaking my head, I close my eyes. I seriously need to get ahold of myself if I’m going to face him. I still don’t know which way I’m going to go when he asks the inevitable question - keep my secrets or tell him everything - but either way, I’ll need all the strength I can muster. When I open them again, he’s standing in the doorway, his brow arched as he grins down at me.
“Nice shirt.”
I glance down and nod as I meet his gaze again. “Yeah. It is.”
“I like the little trail you left for me,” he says and I scowl.
“Huh?”
He motions over his shoulder. “The clothes leading up to your bedroom.”
“Oh. That.”
“You okay?” he asks again, tilting his head slightly as he studies me. The genuine concern filling his eyes kills me. If I tell him the truth… he may never look at me like that again. I nod as my lip trembles.
Shit.
“I’m fine.”
“No,” he whispers, taking another step into the room. “You’re not.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I rip my eyes from him. “Stop acting like you still know me, Wyatt. It’s been ten years.”
“And whose fault is that?” he growls and I shake my head as my heart sinks. I look up at him and hope he can see how truly sorry I am for the state of our relationship. Not that it really matters at this point, I suppose. We are where we are and we can’t go back.
“I wasn’t trying to pass off any blame. We’re not together now because of me, I know that.”
“Yeah, about that…” He steps further into the room and shoves his hands in his pockets. “You ready to talk?”
“No.”
He shrugs. “Do it anyway.”
“Stop telling me what to do,” I snap, ripping the covers up my body as I cross my arms over my chest and scowl at him. He shakes his head.
“No.”
“You’re so fucking stubborn.”
He barks out a laugh. “Me? Are you serious?”
“Yes, you.” I narrow my eyes and he laughs again. The sound sends heat radiating through my chest and I fight back a smile. Wyatt’s laugh was always one of my favorite sounds and I used to do the silliest things just to hear it or see him smile at me.
“Did you just tell me to come up here so you could fight with me?”
I’m about to tell him that is exactly why I let him come in but I stop myself as I let out a sigh, Eden’s words from dinner run through my mind and I bite my lip as I go over my options. As much as I hate it, it is time to decide for good. Am I going to continue pushing him away and spend the rest of my life with my secrets or can I really let him in again? Finally, I shake my head. “No. That’s not why.”
“Then why?”
“I don’t know…” I admit, my voice weak as tears sting my eyes again. It’s a total fucking lie and we both know it. I let him come in because staying away from him, missing him is torture. I’ve lived with it for ten years and I just don’t have the strength to keep going. His gaze softens and he walks around the side of the bed before sitting next to me.
“What happened back then, Pip? Just tell me. Whatever it is, I can handle it.” His voice is kind, full of empathy, and I avoid his gaze as tears well up in my eyes. As soon as I tell him the truth, that kind, caring voice will be gone. I just know it. Shaking my head, I pull my hand back.
“I can’t.”
He rakes his hand through his hair. “You can. I’m telling you, baby, I’m here for you. Whatever it is.”
“You won’t see me the same way,” I whisper as a tear streaks down my cheek and I meet his gaze. He reaches forward and cups my cheek, the desperation and love in his eyes is too much to bear. He brushes his thumb over my cheek, wiping away the tear.
“I promise you that I will. You’re my Pip, you always have been, and you always will be. Just tell me the truth.”
I shake my head again. “No.”
“Goddamn it,” he snaps, releasing me and jumping up from the bed as he starts pacing across my bedroom floor and running his hand through his hair again. I’m not trying to cause him any pain but I can see that this is killing him and it’s not fair to keep dragging this on. But neither one of us know what the truth will do to him and I’m terrified once he learns everything that he will wish I had kept my mouth shut. He turns to me, fire and determination dancing in his eyes, and his lips set into a firm line.
“Why did you leave me?”
I shake my head and drop my gaze to the bed. He growls.
“Why did you leave me?” he yells and another tear slips down my cheek as I shake my head again.
I can’t tell him.
I can’t…
“Why did you leave me?!”
A sob tears through me as his roar echoes around the room and I meet his eyes as I scream, “I don’t know!”
Silence descends on us and time seems to stand still as we stare at each other. Both of us stunned by my sudden admission. I didn’t intend to say anything but hearing the hurt in his voice as he demanded the truth again pulled it out of me. More questions fill his eyes and he shakes his head as he takes a step toward me, his brows knitting together.