What the fuck?
Ash is supposed to be in Juneau until tomorrow afternoon but no one else has access to our apartment. God, he wouldn’t do this to me, would he? With each breath ringing in my ears, I run up the stairs and unlock the door as quietly as possible before stepping inside and setting the bottle of wine down on the counter. A moan fills the room, echoing from behind the partition that separates our bedroom from the rest of the room and my hands start to shake as my gaze falls to the various articles of clothing littered across the floor - Ash’s shirt, his sneakers, and jeans, a pair of pink lace panties, skinny jeans, and heels. My stomach rolls as the reality crashes down on me and another moan fills the room, this one deeper than before. I creep forward, careful not to make any noise but I swear my heartbeat is echoing through the room and there is no way in hell they don’t hear it. Low grunts and soft gasps reach my ears as I walk toward the noise and my hands start to shake. I already know, deep down in my gut, what I’m going to find on the other side of that partition but I need to see it before it will become real. I can’t have any doubt in my mind as to what is happening on the other side.
“Holly,” Ash whispers, something between a plea and moan, and I suck in a breath as my thoughts screech to a halt. Holly? There is a girl I work with at the club named Holly but he wouldn’t… I shake my head. Of course he would. If he is willing to cheat, why would the fact that I work with her stop him from pursuing someone? I think about the two of them, sneaking around behind my back while I’ve been dealing with all this stuff with my mom and it’s like a blow torch has been lit inside me. Rage simmers through me as I rush forward and round the partition, holding my breath as I take in the scene in front of me. Ash is on top of her, in the middle of my bed, with the sheets pulled up around them and her pink nails are digging into his back as she moans again. Her eyes are squeezed closed, her head thrown back in ecstasy, and I glance at the shelf next to me where the little ceramic pig Ash and I found at a flea market sits. I pick it up, staring at it before turning to the scene in front of me.
They still don’t realize I’m here, too lost in each other to notice the person they’ve both betrayed. Their arrogance and carelessness only fuels my rage. From my spot at the end of the bed, I pull my arm back and chuck the pig at the wall above the bed. It shatters and sends little shards of clay raining down on them as Holly screams and Ash jumps off of her. She shrieks again and grabs the sheet, pulling it up to her chest as Ash stares at me with wide eyes.
“Row… I thought you were working late tonight.”
I nod, grabbing another little knickknack off of the shelf and tossing it back and forth between my hands. “Clearly.”
Holly sits up and scoots back along the bed before leaning back against the headboard - my headboard - and smirking up at me. What the hell? I wouldn’t have called Holly and me friends but we were, at least, friendly at work but as I look at her now, all I can see is hatred shining in her eyes. Where in the hell does she get off hating me? Especially after I just caught her in bed with my man.
“Look, this isn’t what it looks like,” Ash says and I laugh because the whole thing is so fucking ridiculous. It is exactly what it looks like and there is no way in hell I’m buying anymore of his shit.
“Don’t lie to her, baby,” Holly whispers, running her hand down his back and I see red as I chuck the figurine in my hand against the wall again. Holly screams and Ash moves in front of her as he holds his hands up.
“Calm down, Rowan. You’re acting crazy.”
“Oh, baby,” I whisper with a smile, grabbing the heart sculpture he gave me on our first anniversary. “You haven’t even seen crazy yet.”
My mind races through everything I’ve been through in the past three weeks, everything I’ve lost and all of the pain I’ve kept bottled up for most of my life and all of the dreams I had for a future with him as the hurt in my chest only intensifies.
When I was meeting with the funeral home, was Ash screwing Holly in my bed? The thought sends my body into motion and I chuck the figurine in my hand against the wall again before picking up another one.
While I was in the hospital, learning that my mother died instantly from a blood clot, was he fucking Holly in his car? I throw the little glass figurine in my hand against the wall and it shatters, drawing another scream from the whore’s mouth as Ash jumps out of bed and starts walking toward me with his hands up. He’s still completely naked and I can smell the sex in the air. Plus, he’s got about five damn hickeys on his neck. My stomach rolls and as I look over at him, I wonder how in the hell I was ever attracted to him.
“Hey, let’s just talk about this, babe.”
Arching a brow, I grab a candle off of the shelf, staring at it as I imagine chucking it at the wall, too, before shaking my head and setting the candle back down. “You know what? Let’s not. It’s not fucking worth it. I’m leaving now and when I come back in the morning you and your slut need to be gone or I’ll call the police.”
Turning away from him, I walk back over to the door with my head held high and grab my bottle of wine as he calls my name, begging me to come back and talk to him but I ignore his pleas and step outside, slamming the door behind me and it feels symbolic for the end of our relationship. As I descend the stairs, I expect to feel the sadness of my lost relationship or the sting of Ash’s betrayal but I don’t feel anything. Maybe, in the scope of all of the shit that has happened in my life lately, walking in to find Ash screwing my co-worker just doesn’t rank. Or hell, maybe I’m just numb to it all now and someday soon, it will all come crashing down on me and destroy me. Either way, the only thing I want to do right now is get away from here and drink.
Jumping back in my car, I toss the bottle into the passenger seat and whip out of my parking space before turning toward the main part of town where I can find a hotel room for the night. As I drive along the coast, my gaze flicks to the mountain range where my dad’s plane went down again before falling to my mom’s ashes in the seat next to me. I’m sure Ash doesn’t know it, yet, but he has just ended things with me and with our relationship officially over, there is nothing else keeping me here in Alaska. Everything in this place just reminds me of all that I have lost and I can’t stand to be here anymore. As I pull into a parking lot of one of the hotels downtown, I put the car in park and dial Lincoln’s number.
“Row?” He answers after a few rings, his voice groggy and I wince. Shit. I always forget about the time difference. “Are you okay? It’s one in the morning.”
I nod, releasing a breath as my big brother’s voice calms me. “Yeah, I’m… okay. I’ve just been thinking about the last time we spoke…”
“Yeah? And?”
“Does your offer still stand? To move there, I mean.” My belly flips with nerves or excitement or maybe both as I wait for his answer. He sucks in a breath.
“Of course, Row… but, are you sure you’re okay? You sound off.”
I let out a humorless laugh as I think about the last month of my life and shake my head. “It’s been… interesting…”
“Yeah, okay. I get it,” he says when I don’t say anything else and I sigh, leaning my head back against the seat. “How soon do you think you’ll be here?”