Chills spread over my body as I slowly blink my eyes open. The sun peers in through the window, and I know right away something’s off.
I jolt upright, clenching my comforter to my chest, eyeing my clothes sitting on the floor. We had fallen asleep sometime after four in the morning after enjoying two more rounds of sex; the second one was hard and fast, Merric’s firm hand covering my mouth while mine gripped his back, trying to hold on. The last time was slow and full of passion. I’ll forever remember the look of Merric’s eyes with only the moon casting a soft glow through my bedroom window.
We laid in bed, our legs tangled together, his arms around me, while we talked about what his life is like in Myrtle Beach. He admitted he’s become married to his work, following in his dad’s footsteps. He feels as though he has to prove himself more to everyone after his dad passed, so, many days turn into long nights at the office.
He was thoughtful and attentive, brushing my hair back from my face while I talked to him about college life and working at Whiskey Barrel. I pointed out to him the way his nostrils flared at the mention of me working long nights at a packed bar. I relished the way he got jealous at the thought of men trying to pick me up after a long night of drinking.
His face seemed to soften when I laughed, assuring him that isn’t the case and vowing the only guy I’d been with after closing was the bouncer when he’d walk me to my car.Somewhere between all the talking, subtle touches, and long kisses, we both dozed off. It had been a while since I’d slept so soundly. I never even felt Merric crawl out of bed, nor did he tell me when he went back to his room.
We had a long twenty-four hours, so I try to remind myself he was only doing it to avoid my mom finding him slipping out of my room this morning.
I still can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t right.
I pull on my tank top and slip on my shorts, checking my hair in the mirror. I notice the light bruising on my neck from where Merric kissed and sucked on my skin and decide I should probably pull on a sweatshirt before I search for Merric and something to eat.
The smell of syrup permeates the air, and my stomach growls, wondering what my mom is making this morning. She’s dressed in her Christmas apron, with music once again playing quietly. The lights on the tree sparkle, along with the candles in the entryway and on the dining room table.
I miss being home, and I’m so glad I have the next week to spend here with her.
“There you are! I was wondering when you were going to drag your bum out of bed. For a second, I was expecting to find you and lure you with breakfast.”
I’m grateful I ended up waking on my own, imagining the questions she’d probably have when she found me in bed naked.
She has the waffle iron out on the counter, a mixing bowl with batter sitting next to her, pouring more into the skillet before closing the top.
“Well, it looks like it’s just you and me now.” Her voice drops, a forlorn expression changing her face.
“Why? Where’s Merric?” Dread fills the pit of my stomach, not wanting to know what happened.
“I guess he had some business things he needed to tend to at the office. He wanted me to tell you he was sorry to leave you here, but he took care of arranging for you to have a rental to take back home. It’s already parked outside and everything.”
I circle the island, moving to the other side of the kitchen to peer out the window, seeing a black SUV parked in the driveway. Tears prick my eyes, and I try to blink them away, not knowing how I’d explain why I’m upset over Merric’s sudden departure.
My eyes trail over to the clock on the microwave, reading just after ten in the morning. He probably slipped out of bed just as the sun started to come up.
The fact he thought to arrange for an SUV to drive back tells me he had also thought ahead, wanting me to get back safely, considering how long our trip was here.
“I don’t mind some QT with my mama.” I force a smile I hope looks genuine. I open the cabinet and pull out plates, focusing my energy on helping her with breakfast.
And that’s how the next week goes, too. I tell myself it’s ridiculous to be hurt over how things went with Merric, especially when I know he has been dealing with a lot before coming to Richmond.
A part of me wishes I would’ve pressed him more. Every time I thought about asking him about the kiss we shared three years ago, I’d pull back. I tried to remember the agreement we made and bringing up what it meant to me would muddy the waters.
Considering how he left things after that night, I’m not the least bit surprised he took off. We had discussed how it wouldn’t lead to anything more, and I need to hold up my end of the agreement.
I don’t even have Merric’s number saved in my phone, so I’d have to ask my mom for it if I want to reach out to him. It isn’t something I want to do.
He’s conflicted about me. No matter how badly I want to talk to him, I know whatever is holding him back is something he has to work out on his own. He has to want this, and I deserve someone who isn’t going to push me away at every turn.
The days leading up to Christmas are spent mostly at home. We’re expecting to get more snow, so we spend the Sunday before Christmas in the kitchen baking all day. We have three different types of cookies, chocolate-covered pretzels, and cake balls.
By the time I go back to school, I feel confident I will have gained ten pounds. I’m eating my feelings and tell myself I’d pull my shit together when the new year comes.
One morning, I meet up with a couple of girlfriends from high school for coffee, catching up on life. It’s nice to get out of the house for a little bit and do something with myself. Although, driving the rental Merric got for me only makes it harder for me to get him off my mind.
We spend Christmas Day with our family. My mom, always loving to plan any party, pulls out all the stops to make it a special day for everyone. Aside from my mom, everyone else shows up with someone. I haven’t been in a serious relationship in years. Even knowing it’s all going to come to an end, I still wish I had more time with Merric.
As much as I love spending time catching up with family, I’m ready to head back to Wilmington. I arrange for my roommate, Claudia, to meet me at the rental car service to give me a lift back to our dorm. She works only a few blocks away, so I make sure to arrive in town close to the end of her shift.
Shoving my suitcase on the floor near my footboard, I collapse back against my bed, ready to shower and binge-watch more Supermarket Sweep. I still have the next week off school, so I pick up as many shifts as possible at Whiskey Barrel, wanting to pocket any extra cash I can. New Year’s Eve is going to be a big night, and A Rebels Havoc is supposed to be playing, so I know it will likely bring in a lot of people. Last year, I came home with almost seven hundred dollars in tips, so I have high hopes of another big weekend.
“Why are you acting so… I don’t know… mopey?” Claudia eyes me, her brows furrowing in confusion.
“What do you mean? I’m not acting like anything.” I roll over, huffing as I tuck my pillow under my head.
“Well, you’re certainly not acting like Oaklyn. Normally, you’d bound in here, ready to tell me all about your week in Virginia. You’d drone on and on about your dysfunctional family like a normal person would, but nothing. You’re so quiet… too quiet for you. It’s weird. What’s happening?”