I give him a gentle smile to let him know I’m not going to freak out on my brother’s girlfriend.
“Max got you a phone. He’s already programmed his number in.” Jasmine looks up from the bag, handing Ryan the phone so he can hand it to me. “I will tell you that he urged me to ask you to call your parents, but I told him you’d do that when you were damn good and ready, but those numbers are in there as well.”
“Thank you,” I tell her with a genuine smile.
Ryan offers me the cell phone. I take it but immediately set it to the side.
“I brought a ridiculous stack of trashy magazines because I know sometimes you need to get lost in other people’s bullshit while sorting through your own thoughts.” She pulls at least a dozen magazines from the bag. “I recommend this top issue of Cosmo. It has a great article on the do’s and don’ts of an amazing pedicure. It’s my philosophy that if your feet feel great, you feel great.”
She smiles up at me, and I find myself grinning back at her as well.
But then her face grows serious.
“He, umm—” Her eyes dart to Ryan like she’s going to ask advice about something, but then she smiles, resolved, and looks back at me. “He also got you a canister of pepper spray, a taser, and a 9mm.”
My eyes widen as she spreads the items to the side of the magazines. They look completely out of place, sitting beside the picture of the smiling women who are raving about the power of self-pleasure.
My eyes dart to Ryan, but his face is once again unreadable.
“If they make you feel safe, I want you to keep them,” he tells me.
“You said I was safe here,” I argue.
“You are safe here. I want you to feel safe,” he clarifies. “If you don’t and these things will help, I want you to keep them.”
“I don’t know how to shoot a gun.”
“I can teach you gun safety.”
“I’m somewhat of an expert myself,” Jasmine interjects. “I can teach you a few things, as well.”
“I won’t feel comfortable with them until I learn,” I mutter.
“Not a problem.” Jasmine pulls the gun from the comforter and shoves it back in the bag as if it being out of sight will make me forget the woman offered me a gun. “Still want to keep the pepper spray and the taser?”
I look back up at Ryan for answers, but he shakes his head. “This is your call. There isn’t one person on this property that’s going to cause you problems, but if you feel like you need them, then I want you to have them.”
“I’m safe here,” I tell him rather than ask. “But I may want them if we go somewhere.”
A smile begins to pull up the corner of his mouth, but he catches it, schooling his face back to impassivity.
“Cool,” Jasmine says as she stands. “We can just shove them in the closet until you leave the clubhouse.”
She opens the closet door and stashes the pepper spray and taser in the top corner before turning back to her bag.
“I got you a couple of pairs of fur-lined leggings. I have these in navy, and they are amazing.” The bag continues to produce clothes and various items she thinks I need.
“I was going to go make us lunch,” Ryan says, leaning over to whisper in my ear as Jasmine goes on and on about the body wash she pulls out next. “Do you want me to stay until she leaves?”
I shake my head, keeping my eyes on Jasmine as Ryan leaves the room.
“Good,” she says when Ryan leaves the room.
My blood runs thin with her tone, but when I look back at her, she doesn’t have a sinister look in her eyes. She has a box of tampons in her hand.
“Now that he’s gone, we can do the girl talk stuff. I got you the multi-pack, but if you let me know what you prefer, I’ll get you stocked up on those. I also got panty liners and regular pads.”
“Thank you.” My eyes burn with tears, but I do my best to hold them back. I’m so tired of crying.
She pulls a medium-sized pouch from the bag.
“Don’t take this as me telling you that you need any of this shit, but I just wanted it available if you want it.” She hands me the bag, and it’s the first time she’s directly offered me something. I take it on instinct. “There’s a little makeup in there, but there are also some face creams. There’s Chapstick and cuticle cream. I tossed in a couple of samples of shampoos and conditioners that people rave about helping hair grow.”
I watch her face, and although I can see concern in her eyes, what I don’t see is pity. I know I still have yellowing bruises on my face, but she isn’t focusing on any of that. She’s here to help, and she makes no apologies for that.
“This is more than just because you’re my brother’s girlfriend,” I say, my eyes searching hers.
“I was adopted by my older sister and Dominic. He’s the club president’s older brother,” she begins. “When I was younger, before Cerberus welcomed me with open arms, I lived with the Renegade MC. Those guys were awful. They hurt people. Hell, they hurt each other just for the thrill of it. I’ve seen women get hurt and abused. I was a coward then. I didn’t help. I stayed out of the way and huddled in the corner. I knew my time was coming soon. I felt the men’s eyes on me. Could almost read their filthy thoughts.”
She shakes her head violently as if trying to dispel the vulgar thoughts.
“How old were you?”
“Eight when Dominic and Makayla got together.”
“You were a child, not a coward.”
She swallows as she stands, making her way closer to me. “And you were a woman overpowered by men who have spent their lives perfecting the ability to take women and hurt them. What happened to you wasn’t your fault, either.”
She places her hand on my knee, giving it a slight squeeze.
“Everyone will tell you to get better, to put it behind you, but until you forgive yourself for the things that were always out of your control, you’ll never be able to move forward. Start there, first.”
Chapter 13
Scooter
“A week tops,” Jinx assures me as I take a loaf of bread from his hand.
“I don’t know, man. I think we’ll be gone longer than that,” Grinch adds. “They still haven’t found Caroline Spring.”
Caroline was one of the three girls we went after the last time we were in Venezuela raiding Xavier’s compound. The youngest girl, eleven-year-old Lupe, was found deceased. Caroline’s mission buddy, Maria Yves, the girl she was abducted with, was rescued.
“It’s possible she was moved to the other Cortez compound,” I remind them. “Hitting them both at the same time means we’ll clear everyone out, but that’s a lot to coordinate, and I know it’ll take longer than a week.”
“They’re constantly working on it,” Jinx tells me with a brotherly slap to the back. “Just because we’re not there doesn’t mean the work isn’t getting done. All we’ll have to do is show up, infiltrate, and fucking kill them all.”
A throat clearing across the room halts all conversation. We’re usually pretty good about only talking about work when it’s just us guys. The meetings are great, but sometimes we have to step away for a while before we can process the information we’ve been given.