It doesn’t take long for the sparkle to begin to dim, and it’s as if the others at the table can sense her retreat back into herself. Jasmine stands, offering to clean up the kitchen, and her two men stay behind to help as we make our way out.
Once in the safety of my room, I feel like I can breathe a little better. She didn’t insist on going to her room, and she doesn’t have that look in her eye that says she wants to bolt.
She doesn’t make a move to climb into the bed. She just stands in the middle of the room and eyes it warily.
“What’s wrong?” I inch closer, but at the same time keep distance between the two of us.
It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s difficult to keep my own needs in check. She gravitated to me because she feels like I can protect her. I’m her savior, the man who carried her out of hell, but at the same time, I need to give her room to heal, and forcing my needs on her, the need to touch her, to tell her everything will be fine, to make her yearn for my warmth the way I yearn for hers is selfish. It can also be detrimental to her recovery. She has to set the pace and direction here.
“I feel like I’m disrupting your entire life.”
“You are,” I tell her honestly.
She jerks, her body stiffening as she looks up at me.
“Before you, I’d never lie in bed all day and watch movies. Before you, I wouldn’t be caught dead sleeping in clothes.” I wink at her with this information, but she isn’t seeing the playfulness I’m trying to display. “Mia Vazquez, you’ve turned my entire world upside down. I’ve gone on countless missions. Protected my country for years in the Marine Corps, and then you came along, making me feel legitimately useful for the first time in my entire life. I want to lie in bed with you and watch movies all day if that’s what you want.”
“Next are you going to tell me that you like wearing clothes to bed now?” She rolls her eyes, but the apprehension that was clouding her eyes is beginning to lift.
“I like sleeping with you against me. I like wrapping my arms around you in the middle of the night and listening to you sigh as you settle against my chest.” I grin, deciding to test the waters. “Would I like to do that without clothes on? You bet, but that may never happen.”
Her face falls, and I can’t believe how much I’m fucking this up.
“What I’m trying to tell you, Sweet Mia, is that you’re under no obligation to reciprocate anything where I’m concerned. You don’t have to kiss me or touch me or placate me in any way as payment for the kindness I’ve offered to you. You don’t owe me anything. You don’t owe Cerberus anything. As far as you and me? This goes where you want it to go, not where I hope it will.”
“What do you want to do right now?” she asks with a yawn.
It’s clear what she wants, but at the same time, I’m sticking to my word about not pushing her.
“Whatever you want,” I tell her with a grin. “I’m leaving in three days.”
This isn’t news to her. We discussed it last night, but now there’s a timetable to attach to that news.
“Three?” As she looks up at me, her eyelashes brim with tears.
“Yeah, and it’ll take a lot of energy, so I’m hoping you don’t suggest running a marathon right now.”
She chuckles, but it’s not light and airy like it was in the kitchen earlier.
“I’d like to take a nap,” she says softly.
I’m kicking off my boots before she can even climb into the bed.
Chapter 14
Mia
Ryan leaves for Venezuela tomorrow. We’ve spent the last two days watching Lost on Hulu, and it’s been easy enough to lose myself in the TV drama, but as the clock ticks by, the more nervous I grow. Like a fool, I slept in my own room last night, and even though it’s only early afternoon, my eyes are heavy with the need for sleep. Every sound in the clubhouse woke me up, and I’m sure I spent more time staring at the ceiling, trying to convince myself not to go to Ryan’s room than I did actually resting.
Max will be the only man left behind. All others are leaving the country to try and track down the man responsible for my abduction. I’m not delusional. I know that Luis Jiménez has hurt countless women and will continue to do so if someone doesn’t stop him. Their mission isn’t just about me, but it eases me some to know that they’ll make sure he can’t hurt another person.
For some reason, I’m apprehensive with the Cerberus men here, but the thought of them all being gone also causes me concern, and I hate that I want both things, and can have neither.
All of my meals have been spent outside of the room since lunch the other day with Jasmine. Since they live in houses behind the clubhouse, I haven’t seen Emmalyn, Misty, and Khloe much, but Ryan assures me they’ll be around more when the farting, grunting, stinky guys are gone—his explanation, not mine. They’ve been incredibly nice and welcoming the times that we did interact.
I was a fool to think I’d have three solid days to spend with Ryan before he left. He’s been in and out today, some time spent in meetings, some time spent at Kincaid’s house.
Right now, they’re all in that big meeting room in the center of the clubhouse and have been locked away for the last hour.
“Mia?”
Startled, I turn too quickly in the direction of the voice and manage to drop my bottle of water.
It skitters across the floor, rolling until it stops against the toe of Camryn Davison’s shoe.
“Still jumpy?” she asks with a smile as she bends to pick up my bottle.
“Most days,” I mutter as she hands the water back to me.
“The offer still stands for the anxiety meds.” I met Camryn the day after I left the clubhouse and nearly froze to death walking away from this place.
“I don’t want meds.” Some of the girls were forced to take all sorts of things. Prescription meds, illicit drugs, bottle after bottle of liquor were forced down their throats. I was one of the lucky ones, and the guys who fancied me weren’t into sedation. No, they loved to hear me scream, wanted me to be able to fight them. Conquering me was their biggest thrill.
“Okay. Just thought I’d offer. Let me know if you change your mind. How is that pinky toe doing?”
The only concern I had after Ryan found me and brought me back here was the smallest toe on my right foot. It took forever before I got feeling back in it. The following morning when I got into the shower, it felt like fire was set to it when the warm water touched it.
“It’s better. Full feeling. No longer hurts.”
“Good. Good.” Her eyes rake up and down my frame, but I can tell she’s assessing me medically, not sizing me up to sell me to her pimp, which I was certain she was doing the first time we met.
Loud conversation drifts through the double doors of the big conference room, and Camryn takes a step closer.
“How are you sleeping?”
“Better,” I answer honestly.
“The guys are leaving tomorrow. How will you sleep then?”
My jaw snaps shut, but even several years younger than I am, she gives me that doctor look, and I open my mouth to answer. It’s the fear of missing him that worries me the most. I’ve mostly accepted that I’m safe here but being wrapped in Ryan’s arms at night keeps the demons that try to haunt me at bay.