“And you were with her every single second?”
“Yes,” I answer, but then shake my head. “I stepped away to take a phone call for a minute, but I was right outside of the kitchen, and she was the only one in there. She wasn’t approached by anyone.”
“Who called you?” Shadow asks.
I recoil, indignant and hating that my bosses are asking such personal questions, but then realization washes over me.
“Kirsty,” I mutter.
“The girl you’ve been seeing?” Snatch clarifies.
“I wouldn’t call it seeing. We aren’t dating or anything, just having a little fun when time permits.”
I feel like scum, and I’m questioning everything I’ve ever done in my past that may look bad in Mia’s eyes.
“Think Mia may have overheard part of that conversation?” Kincaid asks.
“Possibly.” I press my face into my hands. “Probably. The woman has excellent hearing.”
“That explains it,” Shadow adds.
“Jealousy?” I mutter. “Highly unlikely. She doesn’t have shit to be jealous of.”
“Because Kirsty doesn’t mean anything to you or because Mia doesn’t?”
I glare at Kincaid, uncaring if he’s my boss at this moment or not.
“I’d lay down my life to protect Mia. She isn’t just some girl to me.”
“Does she know that?” Itchy asks, finally joining the conversation.
“She kissed me,” I blurt.
“Before or after she heard the phone call from Kirsty?” Dominic crosses his arms over his chest, and I can’t tell which way he wants my answer to go.
“After,” I admit. “Like just moments ago. But when I looked at her while her lips were pressed to mine, she had her eyes squeezed shut, and tears were spilling from her eyes.”
“What were you doing?” Shadow asks, the topic of conversation interesting enough to finally make him pull his eyes from his computer screen.
“At first, I kissed her back, but I put an end to it when I saw how upset it was making her. I know I shouldn’t have—”
Kincaid holds his hand up to silence me. “He means what were you doing right before she kissed you.”
“Nothing,” I answer, but I let the memory play through my head. “No, I was angry. I wasn’t yelling, but I know she knew I was pissed that she put herself in danger.”
“And that explains the kiss,” Dominic says, leaning back in his chair.
I stare at him, more confused than ever. “That explains it? Could you please explain it to me because, apparently, I’m too ignorant to read between the lines?”
“We’ve been doing this for a long time,” Kincaid begins. “We’ve seen the gamut of reactions of how women behave after being abducted. We’ve had suicides by women who just couldn’t handle what happened. Hell, we had two girls go back to their captives within days of being rescued. One girl we rescued a few years ago is now living with one of the most sadistic MCs in Massachusetts.”
I narrow my eyes. “Which MC?”
“The Ravens Ruin out of Sutton. Several women have gone on to join convents. My point is that we’ve seen a lot, but one of the most common things for one of these women to do is to protect herself. She kissed you when you were angry because she either found out that worked while she was abducted, or she saw it work for others. She was trying to calm you down. She’s trying to appease her master,” Kincaid finishes.
“That’s fucked up,” I mutter. “I’d never hurt her, and I’m not her fucking master. Owning a woman isn’t something that turns me on.”
“We know that. You know that, but she’s still living in a different reality,” Snatch says, giving me a sad smile. “I imagine it started with the phone call and then seeing the guys argue made things worse. She either didn’t feel safe here any longer, or she’s got it in her head that she’s interrupting your life.”
“I don’t think she feels unsafe,” Dominic interjects. “I was in the SUV with him when we found her. She didn’t hesitate to cling to him when he picked her up.”
“Then she’s feeling like a burden, and she felt like leaving was the best for everyone involved, excluding herself,” Shadow says. “And the kiss was her way to keep you from being mad or hating her or some other fear she’s concocted in her head.”
“And what do I do now?” I feel helpless, just like I do every time she cries in the shower, and her nudity prevents me from going to her. It kills me when I can’t comfort her and make things better.
“Talk to her,” Itchy says.
“I talk to her all the time. That woman has heard more stories about my life than I’ve ever told a soul.”
“She knows your fears? How you feel about this entire situation? How you feel about her?”
I lower my head, unable to look Kincaid in the eyes. He already knows the answers to that. I haven’t been forthcoming with her. I haven’t delved deep and gotten emotional. All of that was shit I didn’t think she’d care about. I don’t want to tell her that even though she’s been terrified to leave my room that the last week or so has been the most relaxed I’ve felt in years. I don’t want to force my own emotions and feelings on to her in fear that she won’t feel the same or worse, that she’ll act in the way she thinks I want her to rather than being her own person.
“You need to be real with her, Scooter.” Dom’s the master of sage advice.
“And as far as owning a woman not being your thing,” Kincaid begins, “there’s a difference in forcing someone to pretend to care for you. I own Emmalyn. Dom owns Makayla. Shadow owns Misty. Snatch and Itchy own each other. But our possession was earned through love and dedication, moral support and care. We own them, and they own us back, and that proprietorship is what every single person walking this earth should work toward.”
Well, when you put it that way…
“After you have a real talk with her, I think she would benefit from an appointment with Dr. Alverez. Griffin saw her for a while before he moved to Rhode Island. She’s excellent in dealing with PTSD.”
I nod at Shadow in agreement, but I know getting her to leave the property will be a challenge, especially after her failed attempt tonight.
Chapter 10
Mia
As if I’m still standing outside in the frigid air, I can’t seem to get warm. Ryan walking away left me colder than the wind did when it pushed right against my skin as if I weren’t wearing clothes at all.
I wanted a hot bath but couldn’t convince myself I’d be okay without Ryan standing near the door or in the other room. That would leave only two doors between the outside world and me, so I changed clothes and climbed into his bed. Sinking into the middle of the mattress, wrapped in the sheets and blanket, surrounded by a half dozen pillows, still didn’t bring enough warmth to keep my teeth from chattering.
He isn’t gone long, maybe an hour at most, but when he returns, my cheeks heat in the darkness. I fully expected him to be out all night, meeting up with Kirsty or sleeping in the other room since he hated my kiss so much.