And there’s the panic I’ve been waiting for.
“Of course not.” I open his desk drawer and grab a pair of scissors. I set them on his lap and go about packing up my bag again, putting the duct tape back on his project table where I found it.
“Lavender, come on.” He yanks against his arm restraints.
“Just a second.” I zip up my backpack and slip my arms through. Once I’m ready to leave, I slide the scissors carefully between the tape and his right wrist. I tap the tip of the dildo still taped between his legs. “You can give that back to me tomorrow, after you’ve talked to Maverick.” I set the scissors on the desk behind him. “Good luck with the game.” I kiss him on the cheek and leave before he can free himself and stop me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Balance
Kodiak
Present day
PREGAME ANXIETY IS magnified today. I sit on the bench in the locker room and focus on breathing. My stomach is a fucking mess. My head is almost as bad. The whole scene with Lavender coming into my room last night keeps playing on an endless loop, and my half-hard cock is bent at an uncomfortable angle behind my cup. Guilt weighs heavy on my shoulders for all the things I’ve done this semester when it comes to Lavender.
But I try to push through it and clear my head. I may not have the control I need, but Lavender isn’t the same girl she once was. She’s stronger and much more self-assured. We’ll never be like we were before because she doesn’t need me the way she once did. But I’m lucky as hell that she still seems to want me, despite me being an asshole to her. It’s hard to reconcile my memory of her with this new, empowered version, so comfortable in her own skin, so very much a woman and not a meek, uncertain girl anymore.
“You all right, K?” Maverick asks.
I nod and still my jittery legs so I can tighten my laces again. For the third time. When the anxiety is particularly bad, my rituals amplify. I go over the same thing until it’s nearly maddening—like making sure my laces are tied tight enough.
“We’re not going to lose. We watched all the videos. We know their tricks. Stay on Bender’s left side as much as you can ’cause that’s where his shot is the weakest.” He pats my back. “We got this.”
“We got this,” I repeat.
I compartmentalize the guilt and worries, box them up and set them aside so I can perform on the ice. I pop a watermelon Jolly Rancher and finish getting dressed. Tonight is a big one. My dad told me scouts might be here, and since this is the team we’ve struggled to beat in the past, I need to have my head fully in the game.
The arena is packed, and I spot my parents and Maverick’s in the stands. They do that sometimes—show up at games just because they can. My dad is talking to some guy in a suit. My stomach rolls again, but it’s empty, since I already tossed my cookies. It doesn’t happen as much as it used to, but before big games, it’s a thing.
In the first three minutes, Bender scores a goal, putting us at an immediate disadvantage. But instead of rocking our game, it pushes us to play smarter, and by the end of the first period, Maverick has tied it up.
At the beginning of the second period, Mav and I are sitting on the bench, watching our teammates dominate, waiting to get back on the ice.
“What is my sister doing here?”
I follow his gaze, noting Lavender, Lovey, Lacey, and BJ sitting in the stands behind our parents. I don’t know when they arrived, or if they’ve been there the entire time, but this is definitely a first for Lavender. Lovey and Lacey come to the occasional game, and BJ does too, when he isn’t busy napping or practicing.
“Dunno. Maybe she has plans with the twins tonight.” I hope not, though. I sort of had it in my head that tonight I’d get to put my hands on her. Finally.
I shift my focus back to the ice, but I can feel Mav’s eyes on me. He chuckles quietly. I fight not to glance his way and fail.
“Looks like you finally got your head out of your ass, then.”
I don’t have a chance to respond to that, because we’re called back out on the ice. The rest of the game is a blur, but I score two goals to their one at the beginning of the third, and we manage to keep the lead, giving us the win. Coach is happy with our performance, and I have to say, I am too.
Our parents don’t stick around long after the game since it’s late, and they have to drive home. My mom gives me a hug, despite my being sweaty and disgusting, and murmurs something about calling later in the week and being safe. Lavender’s dad wears an expression that makes my balls want to crawl up inside my body, and her mom is smirking, like she knows every single thought in my head.
Lavender hangs back with Lovey, Lacey, and BJ, her cheeks flushing every time one of them leans in to whisper something to her. She’s always been a different person behind closed doors, but now I’m learning exactly how different she is.
BJ says they’re going out for something to eat because he’s starving, which is always the case, so we wave goodbye for now.
The locker room is loud and rowdy with excitement over the win, and a bunch of the guys want to hit the bar and get their party on.
Mav pulls his shirt over his head and runs his fingers through his wet hair. “When were you planning to tell me?” He doesn’t sound angry, just conversational.
“Tonight. After the game.”
“How long has this been going on?” He chuckles. “I guess that’s actually a pretty pointless question, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?” I button my jeans.
He gives me a look. “Come on, Kody. You’ve been in love with Lavender since before you understood the concept. We all knew it, our parents knew it, and then they got paranoid and shit about it and messed things up for all of us. We’ve all been waiting for the two of you to figure it out and deal with it.”
I’m a little stunned, since he’s never once brought this up. “Why didn’t you say anything before now?”
“Conflict of interest, man. She’s my little sister; you’re my best friend. And I didn’t want to get in the middle of whatever it was, so I chose to stay out of it altogether. Not that it was easy, because you have to be the two most stubborn, obtuse people I’ve ever met in my damn life. Besides, everyone’s always been up in Lavender’s business, interfering when they shouldn’t, and I wasn’t about to be another one of those people. She’s fully capable of managing herself and has been for a long time.”
His expression turns serious. “I was never worried about her being able to handle you. It was you being able to handle you when you’re with her that was always the issue. Just find the balance, Kody. And stop torturing yourself for the past. It doesn’t help either of you move forward.”
We finish getting changed and head out to the car. We drove in together, so the awkward ratchets up a couple of notches when I check my messages and find one from Lavender letting me know which diner they’re at.
“You want me to drop you off at home, or . . .” I let it hang.
“And miss this epic moment in all of our lives? Hell to the fuck no.”
“You really don’t have to come,” I tell him.
Mav slides into the passenger seat. “Like you’re getting off that easy. Besides, I’m available. After that date-night fiasco, I called things off with Carly. I don’t want her to think it’s going to turn into something when it’s not. I don’t need the clinginess or the headache, especially with this being my last year.”