“Daddy… please. Please let me suck you off.”
As tempting as it was, I had to remind myself I wanted to punish him, and the alcohol hadn’t left his system yet. I shook my head. “No, baby boy.”
He pouted again. “But Daddy, I’ll be good. I swear.”
A loud, shrill noise broke the quietness of the room, and I glared at his phone. It better not be David. As much as I was happy Shane finally went out with a friend around his age, I still wasn’t sure what to make of him, and the idea of sharing Shane’s time.
Shane grabbed his phone and frowned at the number. He answered it with, “Hello, Shane speaking.” I watched as his face paled and his mouth parted in horror, before he mumbled, “Yes, sir. I’ll be there.” When he disconnected the call, he looked at me with pure terror, and his eyes watered.
My heart raced, fear clamping down on my chest. “What happened?”
“I need to go into the clinic for random alcohol and drug testing.” His shoulders trembled. “I’ll fail, West.”
Fuck! I took a deep breath. This time, Shane needed me to be the strong one, his daddy. “Stay calm. It’ll be fine.”
“It won’t be. With the amount I drank last night… I’m going to jail for real. I’ll have an actual record. I’ll never be a psych. The professors warned us anything serious could destroy our career. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I either won’t be able to practice because I can’t be licensed, or I’ll have a limit to research.” Tears slid down his flushed cheeks and he leaned into my chest. “I’ve fucked up my life.”
“You haven’t fucked up your life, Shane. I need you to stay calm.” I petted his hair, tamping down my own anxiety. We could do this. “One step at a time. Let’s go to the clinic.”
“But Daddy—”
“No arguments. Get dressed. If we don’t go, they’ll throw you in lockup. Most probation officers are too overloaded with cases to play games.”
I helped him stand, and we had a shower together. He trembled through the entire process of getting dressed, and when I had him in the car, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. He’d only been called to the clinic near the time of his initial arrest, but he’d passed with flying colors then. I knew this time would be different.
When we got inside the small clinic near the grocery store, his probation officer waited beside the reception desk. Johnny was someone I knew well, a handsome, heavy-jawed man who looked every inch the kind of badass who could go into a house behind the police to scrape someone off the ground. I would have normally bullshitted with him, but I couldn’t bring myself to even say hello. He nodded at us with a smile, but it dwindled when he saw our grave expressions.
“He drank, didn’t he?” Johnny quietly asked.
I’d known Johnny for over fifteen years. We had some classes together in college, and while I’d gone the lawyer route, he became a probation officer instead. He wasn’t a bad guy, but he had a job to do, just like I did.
There was no use in lying, so I nodded, gripping Shane’s hand tighter. “He went out with a friend last night.”
Johnny sighed loudly. “You know the rules.” He turned his attention on Shane. His eyes narrowed behind his round gold glasses, and he crossed his tattooed arms over his chest. He certainly wasn’t the type of person you’d expect sympathy from, but he obviously cared. When I’d heard Shane had gotten him, I couldn’t have been happier. Now I wasn’t so sure.
“I made a friend,” Shane protested. He sounded defeated as he dropped his head. “I’m allowed to make friends.”
“You can make friends without drinking. Come on. Let’s get this over with.” Johnny opened a bag and handed Shane a plastic cup. “You know the drill. I need you to pee into this.”
Shane shot me a terrified look and held the cup tightly in his hands as he headed to the bathroom. Johnny walked behind him, but I stayed where I was. I knew how it worked, and Johnny wanted to make sure Shane didn’t give the cup to someone else to pee into.
Five minutes passed and they both came back out, Shane with watery eyes. I hugged him close to me and kissed his cheek. I didn’t care that we were in public, or that it looked weird for a man my age to be with someone as young as him. My only concern was my boy.
Johnny put the cup back into a bag, away from curious eyes. “I’ll need you both to come to my office tomorrow for the results.”
Usually he just told Shane over the phone, but because we already had an idea what it would be, Johnny probably wanted us there to give us the bad news… and maybe have Shane taken to county. Goddamn it.
We thanked him, and I guided Shane out of the clinic. He stopped abruptly outside and fell onto a low brick wall that lined a flourishing garden outside the front doors. Dropping his head onto his knees, he mumbled, “I’m such an idiot.”
I crouched in front of him, placing my hands on his knees. He looked like a kicked puppy, and if I could fix the world for him, I would have. All I could do right now was offer my presence. It was just another time that I wished Carter was here, telling me what to say to make it all better. But I had to learn to live without him, to have faith in myself, and how much Shane needed me in that moment.
It didn’t matter that we looked strange to people passing by us, I hugged him against me and kissed his forehead. “You’re not an idiot. You’re eighteen.”
“Carter would have known better at my age,” he said, dropping his face onto my chest. He hooked his arms under my shoulders and held on tightly.
“You’re not Carter, Shane. You need to stop comparing yourself to him.” I tugged him back and cupped his face, thumb stroking over the soft, clean skin of his cheek and jaw. “You’re Shane Pegoraro and you’re fucking gorgeous, and smart, and brave. Whatever happens, we’ll get through this.”
“I can’t lose this career, Daddy. I just can’t. I’ve never wanted anything so much. I didn’t think I did at first, but… now I do.” His chin shook, and I stole a kiss from him, crushing my lips against his and teasing my tongue over his mouth. He let me in, moaning, his entire body relaxing under my touch.
The sounds of the birds and bustling crowd reminded me of where we were, and I broke the kiss. “I haven’t punished you yet, have I, Boy?”
He whimpered, eyes dazed and full of need. “No, Daddy.”
“Come on, let’s go. Daddy needs to take his boy in hand.” I dragged him up and toward the car, ignoring the glares we got from some of the people who’d seen us kiss. I opened the door for him, and he pressed his lips against mine in a thank-you. I savored the taste of the richness of his mouth before he got in and I shut the door.
The drive home was relatively quiet. Shane pressed his forehead against the glass of the window, his eyes fluttering like he wanted to fall asleep but wouldn’t let himself. My own fear weighed down in the pit of my stomach, and I’d already tossed around ideas in my head on how to fix this.
My own solution at this point was Johnny. He had a heart of gold, and if the test came back positive for alcohol like I knew it would, I needed to convince him to scrap it.
When I pulled the car into the driveway, Shane startled. He smiled gently at me, but sadness emanated from him. He slipped out of the car and I followed him into the house, locking the door behind us. He’d stopped in the hallway, shoulders slumped, and head dropped.