“Please, Daddy. Fuck!” His hips bucked upward. I loved it when he was out of control. “Please fuck me.”
Loud rapping on the living room window had my gaze shooting to it. My gut dropped when I saw Shelly Pegoraro standing there in the bushes, a furious expression crossing her face. Well, fuck.
Shane sat up and glanced there too, and his eyes widened. “Mom?”
She pointed at the door, and Shane bounded to it, slamming it open. Shelly came storming in, her high heels clicking on the tile near the door. She turned to Shane, jaw tight. “What the hell is happening here?”
Shane glanced at me and then back to her. They looked so alike it made my head spin. “What are you doing here?”
“I asked you a question first.” She spun, rushing toward me. “How dare you?”
I should have been expecting the slap, but when her palm met my face, the shock of it still froze me. I took a few steps back, hand touching the heated part of my cheek.
“Mom!” Shane came rushing forward, putting himself between me and Shelly. “What the hell?”
“How could you?” she screamed, ignoring Shane, as though he wasn’t there. “He’s a boy! A young boy! You pervert!”
“Mom, stop!”
“Shelly….” I stepped forward and laid my hands on Shane’s shoulders, gently moving him aside. “If you’d let us explain—”
“What is there to explain?” she shouted, tears furiously running down her pale cheeks. “He’s eighteen, and you’re taking advantage of him. He’s grieving his brother, and you used that against him. My poor baby.” She grabbed Shane’s arm. “Come on. We’re going home, away from this degenerate.”
My gut dropped and I glanced at Shane, but he’d put on the brakes, not moving an inch, no matter how hard she tugged him. “Stop it, Mom. What the hell? You can’t come here and call West names and try to drag me to your house.”
“Can’t you see what he’s doing to you? He’s using you. He lost your brother, and now you’re the substitute,” she said, wiping at her tears with the back of her hand.
“I’m not,” Shane argued. “I’m nothing like Carter. West loves me, don’t you?” He turned to me, gaze pleading, and I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. Of course I cared about Shane, but love was such a huge commitment. We’d only just agreed to be boyfriends and now he was asking if I loved him?
Panic squeezed at my chest, and I glanced from Shelly’s accusing glare to Shane’s pleading one. “Shane—”
“Don’t you love me?” Shane asked again, eyes watery, and fuck if this didn’t hurt.
“Pack up your things, Shane. We’re leaving.” This time when Shelly tugged at his arm, Shane moved, but his eyes never left mine.
All I had to do was tell him that I loved him, but things were moving too quickly, and the lump in my throat prevented me from saying anything.
“Please,” he begged.
“Shane, I can’t,” I finally said, taking a step back. “I’m sorry. It’s too quick. I can’t breathe.”
I turned away from them and stumbled into the kitchen and out the back door to the backyard. I fell onto the stoop, sucking in as much clean, fresh air as I could, but it didn’t work. My shallow breathing made the feelings worse, and I thought I was going to die.
Hands touched my shoulders. “Breathe.”
I couldn’t. It wasn’t working.
“Breathe,” Shane whispered, kissing my cheek. “I need you to focus on your senses, Daddy. Touch. Smell. Sound. What can you hear?”
“Your voice,” I managed to gasp. The soft lull of his deep voice made dragging in air a little easier.
“And what can you smell?”
I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath. Shane’s cologne—spicy and sweet at the same time—filled my nose. “You. I can smell you.”
“And touch?” He slid his hand down my chest and grabbed my hand. “Can you feel me, Daddy?”
I gripped at his fingers like a lifeline. Breathing became easier every second. “Yes, Boy. I can feel you.”
“Open your eyes, tell me what you see.”
I forced open my eyes, and Shane moved, crouching in front of me. He smiled, tender and sweet, and my chest relaxed. Breathing wasn’t as difficult anymore. “You. I see you.”
“And I’m not going anywhere with her. I’m sorry for pushing you. It’s just… I love you, West. I’m sorry, but I do. I’ve never been happier than what I am with you, and I do feel guilty about you being Carter’s, and maybe I’m selfish, but I want you, Daddy.”
I shook my head. “I’m double your age, Shane, and look at me. I’m weak.”
He slapped my knee, startling me. “You had a panic attack. You’re not weak.”
I cupped his cheek and stroked his skin with my thumb. “What kind of Daddy has panic attacks?”
“The kind who have struggled for a very long time. I’m here now, and your boy isn’t going anywhere. You need me as much as I need you.”
“I do,” I admitted. “I’m sorry that I can’t say I love you, but I swear, one day I will. Just not yet.”
“I know.” He pushed himself to his feet and laid a kiss on my lips. “And I’m willing to wait.”
“Where’s your mom?”
He sighed. “She left when I told her to get out. She had no right calling you names or hitting you.”
I dropped my head. “She came to my office a few months ago.”
“I know, she told me. Thank you for protecting me.” He rested his forehead against mine. “I think I want to talk to them both someday, though. Tell them how I feel about you, and how happy I am with you.”
“If your mother doesn’t accept it, your father definitely won’t,” I said, tugging him onto my lap.
“Then they’ve lost two sons. That choice is theirs because I’m not giving you up, West. I found you and I’m not letting you go.” He carded his fingers through my hair and gripped the strands, tugging my head back so I stared up at him. “You’re mine as much as I’m yours.”
I smiled. “I’m glad.”
“And I think… I think I want to go to Carter’s grave this weekend. Can we do that?”
My heart thumped harder. “Yes, baby boy, we can do that.”
He slanted his mouth over mine, and I accepted the gentle kiss. “Will you come with me when I decide to see my parents?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“It’s what I want.”
“Then we’ll do this together.” I held him closer. “We’ll do it all together.”
Chapter 15
Shane
My phone buzzed and I picked it up while still staring at my laptop screen. My ass and left foot were tingly and numb from sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table for so long. The class schedule I’d selected was more credits than I figured West would agree with—nineteen. They were less than the insanity of last semester, but two classes over what I had been informed, by my very serious Daddy, was a reasonable schedule when we sat down to discuss school together. He’d had that look in his eye, the one that said he’d spank me and fuck me until I agreed if I didn’t listen.