Only the fact that I’d promised I wouldn’t stop whenever the going got tough here in therapy kept me in my chair. West had begged me to stick it out. At first, I’d thought Dr. Edwards was helping, but right now? Fuck him. He was fine when all we were talking about was the grief I felt about Carter dying, and my drinking, but this was the first time we were getting deep into my family situation, and he seemed… well… out of touch.
“My parents aren’t supportive of our relationship,” I said furiously. West reached over and swiped my hand into his. His support calmed me enough that I could stop jittering, but not to make me feel even remotely close to normal. “Mom thinks West is some villain, like the men on those bad daytime shows she watches. She thinks I’ve been brainwashed. She refuses to have any conversation when I answer the phone, just starts blabbering and telling me to come home, even though Dad was the reason I left—that hasn’t changed.”
Dr. Edwards’ eyes lit up. “Yes, your father. Have you spoken with him?”
“He hasn’t said a word about anything. My parents kicked me out when I was sixteen and came out.” I talked so much and fast I had to gasp for air. “I know I told you that.”
Dr. Edwards chuckled in that way adults sometimes did when they thought you were being stupid, and West’s grip bit into my hand. I clutched his palm right back until I was sure we’d both be bruised. “Teenagers frequently have a discolored view of the past. Surely you can see their reaction comes from pain? They still love you, deep down. You will regret allowing this breakup of the nuclear family later.” The way he said family, and the look he gave me, like I was actually the one causing trouble, made me super fucking glad I’d never told him West was my Daddy. My insides crawled in discomfort.
West snorted and sat up straight in his chair. “Excuse me. Their pain? Oh yes, I’m sure his mother does love him, but she has a hell of a way of showing it. And his father?” A flush traveled past the collar of the work shirt West had on—he’d gone into the office this morning till lunchtime—rose over his chin and turned him a bright red, all the way to his hair. “They’re not good people, in my book. They never treated Carter right at the end, when he was dying, and there was no time for his fucking father to fix the mess he’d made of their relationship. The bastard never told him goodbye. He was there, but he never did anything but… arrive.”
Dr. Edwards pursed his lips. “These aren’t your parents we’re talking about. And your boyfriend is no longer part of the equation… er… your deceased boyfriend. You are here in a support capacity only.”
West’s lips twisted and his eyes narrowed behind his glasses. He must have forgotten to take them off when he left work, and I loved the way they made him look—serious and mature.
My heart hammered and I wanted to hurl the stupid little cactus sitting on the corner of the desk right against the wall. “What good could it do me to see them?”
Dr. Edwards gave me a relieved, coaxing smile and got up to walk around his desk. There were two empty chairs to my right that hadn’t been in the room for my last appointment, and he sat down in the one directly beside me. I hated it when he leaned over to rest his hand on my shoulder, and it sent me tilting my chair away from him when he stared directly into my eyes with his clear blue ones. “This is a good pain, Shane. Like aching after a workout. You would be allowing yourself closure and give them the opportunity to mend fences in a nonstressful situation.”
“Any situation where I see them will be stressful. That’s what you’re not getting.” My chair cracked against the hardwood floor when I sent it crashing back down on all four legs.
“Fine, then, a manageable situation. I’ll be here to mediate, and West is here as well. He’s your rock, as I understand things. You’re not alone.” Dr. Edwards’ smile turned wise and all-knowing, and that had my brain writhing like ants were crawling on the inside of my skull. No, this is not fucking okay.
“How did my parents know I had an appointment today?”
“As I said before, the health insurance you gave us was paid for by them. They called. We spoke.” He waved his hands around. “See, they love you enough to keep you on their insurance, that’s another indication that they care. They want you healthy.”
“That’s invasive. And just because they’re doing something that isn’t completely horrible, doesn’t make them good people.” West glared at Dr. Edwards over my head. “Isn’t there something in the privacy laws against this sort of thing?”
Dr. Edwards cringed. “I’m here to help Shane put his life back together. I can see where you might interpret the events as invasive—”
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter,” West spat. “You’re way out of bounds. This is an ethics code violation.”
“They’re already out there, so whatever. Let them come in,” I grumbled. “Allow the shitshow to begin.”
Dr. Edwards smiled at me, and West cradled my hand between both of his. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to give me extra good vibes, or if he wanted to make sure he didn’t have a free hand to clock Dr. Edwards, but either way, I liked how I felt grounded when he did that.
Dr. Edwards got up and went to his office door. He opened it and made a large “come in” gesture. He stood aside, and Mom entered first, dabbing at her tear-streaked makeup with a soggy wad of tissues. My father followed. They looked like they could be getting ready for an afternoon of boating, and who knew, maybe they were going to do that after they left here. They were always so put together, and today was no exception. I felt like the outsider in my T-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops, but then, I always had. Carter was the one who dressed right and told stories that made everyone laugh. My father sighed and stared at the pictures on the wall rather than rest even one eyeball on us. He was as tall as I remembered, but grayer, and his shoulders weren’t as muscled as they used to be. He’d aged this summer.
Mom narrowed her eyes on West. “Do not touch my son.”
“Mom, stop,” I mumbled. “You have to stop. You’re not getting your way on this.”
She grabbed my shoulder, and I flinched as her sharp nails dug in. “You don’t need him. He’s taking advantage of you.” I wanted to get up and sit entirely in West’s lap, but she’d really lose her shit, then.
“He’s not.”
Mom screwed her face up and more tears plopped down her cheeks. “How can I make you understand?”
“Enough,” my father barked at her. She ripped her hand away from me and sat down at my side.
“Dad?” It felt… weird to say any part of a name I called West to my father, but hope swelled inside me that he would finally say something. Maybe apologize for the way he’d acted several years ago, or how he’d ignored me since. He could say he was sorry for the shitty way he acted when Carter was dying. Worse than yelling, he continued staring around the room—silent. “Why did you even come here if you weren’t going to talk to me?”
“What do you want me to say, Shane?” He turned toward me, and I noticed the single button on his polo shirt was missing. He was sunburned, and he didn’t look anything like the man I remembered playing ball with as a kid. He was a stranger. “Your brother embarrassed me, but he was always an overachiever. People like that can be forgiven a lot. He went to school on scholarships. He got the type of job that eventually leads to a high-powered career, with the right drive, and he had that in spades. He wrote a book. He was going to go places.” My father scowled at West, and I held his hand tighter when I felt a jolt rock through him. “Those positives made Carter’s… bedroom activities seem less like a problem, and we still had you, our normal son, who would do all the right things. We were okay as a family. A family can survive one black sheep.”