I always fucking saw her.
“Listen to the lyrics and I’m sure you can figure it out.” I shrugged nonchalantly.
“So it is about a woman? Because if it is, hearts will be breaking all over the country today.”
“Don’t worry, Kinney,” her name rolled off my tongue seductively, “there’s plenty of me to go around.”
She clutched her heart, gasping dramatically. “Oof, there you have it, folks. Black Hearts Still Beats new track Drown maybe or may not be a love song.”
The word slammed into me.
It was about Phoebe, yeah. But a love song?
No fucking way.
I didn’t know how to love.
I wasn’t worthy of love.
I just knew I felt something for her, something I hadn’t ever felt before.
I’d thought I’d felt it with Eva at one point, but I could see that for what it was now. She was the first person in a long time to see past all the darkness shrouding me. Eva dug herself in and refused to leave, and her light—fuck, her light and purity and soul-deep goodness—was addictive.
“Thank you for talking the time to talk to us, Levi. It’s always a pleasure.” I nodded and she went on, “Friends, fans, and listeners, please welcome on stage Levi Hunter and Evangeline Walker with their new track, Drown.”
The camera panned to Eva sitting on a lonely stool. I got up and made my way over, giving her a sly wink. Her lips curved as I took my place in front of the mic stand. The guys stood in the small audience, watching. I saw the pride in my brother’s eyes, the raw unfiltered love he felt for Eva as he watched her intently. She was his Starshine, his redemption. And although I was so jealous some days that I wanted to gouge out my own eyes, I was also so fucking happy for them.
Silence ushered over the room as Eva gave me a questioning nod. I returned it and she strummed the open notes of the song. The second the music hit me, all the tension melted away. I clutched the mic stand like it was my lifeline, my oxygen, bleeding my words into the mic.
I felt Phoebe watching me and I couldn’t resist meeting her awed expression. Our eyes locked, intense and unwavering as I revealed my truths, caressing every lyric like it was the soft curves of her skin.
She said we were a mistake. That we needed to keep things strictly professional, but I didn’t like the rules. I liked to live free. Wild and recklessly. Because when the chaos stopped and everything was still, that’s when the monsters found me.
Eva’s soft voice took over as she sang the new lyrics. Phoebe looked away and I was almost sure I saw a tear roll down her cheek. I didn’t want to make her sad, I wanted her to realize what she meant to me. What our limited time together meant.
The bridge came and I belted out the words, my gravelly tones softened by Eva’s pitch. It was a fucking perfect performance. The audience’s applause filled the room as people began moving, eager to jump into their next tasks. But one person remained.
Phoebe.
She was watching me again, her thumb pressed to her plump bottom lip. Fuck. I wanted to run my tongue over it and drag it between my teeth. I wanted to make it hurt and then soothe the sting with my tongue.
“You should try and talk to her.” Eva moved behind me.
“Nah, that ship has sailed, Angel.”
“I might not know much about relationships, Levi, but I know longing when I see it.”
Was Eva right?
Could Phoebe be longing for me even though she’d pushed me away?
Women were fucking confusing creatures. Usually, I picked a girl, fucked her into oblivion, and moved on with my life.
But not her.
Not the girl with braids in her hair and ink on her skin.
She’d latched onto my soul and buried herself deep in my chest.
Eva gave a little sigh of resignation before patting me on the shoulder. I knew she was only trying to help, but this wasn’t something she could just fix.
It wasn’t something anyone could fix.
Some things just were. Like the sky being blue or the grass being green. I’d gotten off my face and fucked Riley. I’d done that.
Me.
I couldn’t take it back or erase it or slap a Band-Aid over it.
So no matter how much I wanted Phoebe to give me another chance, for the first time in my life, I could see the other side of the coin. And I didn’t blame her.
I was a fuck-up.
An addict.
A selfish asshole.
I probably always would be.
Phoebe
“What’s up, N’awlins. You’re looking sexy tonight.”
The crowd roared, the noise reverberating deep inside me as I watched from the wings. Levi strutted across the stage as if he was made for it, and the fans lapped it up.
The exclusive with The Rock Report has been a huge success. In the last twenty-four hours, Drown had already been streamed almost five million times, with a unanimously positive reception. Levi’s fans were all over social media, supporting their tortured idol, stamping out every piece of negative press. It was the perfect storm to cover up his mistake. People were no longer talking about the sex tape; they were taking about the song.
They were talking about my song.
Deep down, I think I’d known the first time he’d sung Drown, at Damon’s birthday party, that it was about me. But I hadn’t wanted to believe it then. I still hadn’t wanted to believe it when I heard him sing it in the studio a few days ago. But hearing him yesterday, after the interview, I’d had no choice but to face the truth.
Levi had been performing for the show, for the hundreds of thousands of fans that tuned into Kinney’s interviews. But he’d been singing to me.
I’d felt every lyric right down to my soul. There had been a moment the words had hit me so deeply, so profoundly, that a tear had rolled down my cheek.
The truth of it was, Levi Hunter had the power to wreck me with a single word. Imagine what he could do if I gave him my heart?
No, I had to be strong. I had to resist the connection I felt to him. I’d tried to fix one addict, I couldn’t do it again. Because when you gave so much of yourself to a person, eventually there was nothing left.
I was in a good place. I had my job at Razorsharp Records. I had new friends. Direction. I had focus.
“He seems better,” Letty said from beside me, just as the band broke into their opening song.
“Yeah,” I murmured, my hand drifting to my neck. Levi looked the part. He carried himself with poise and power, owning all twenty-thousand hearts here tonight. But I knew it was the mask he made himself wear. That’s how it was for addicts. They showed the world one thing while hiding their truths beneath fake smirks and smiles that didn’t quite reach their eyes.
“The guys want to celebrate tonight on their bus. Nothing crazy, just a few drinks.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“You should be there. You’re a part of this team, Phoebe. Besides, he’ll want you there.”
I inhaled a deep breath, unable to tear my eyes off Levi as he screeched into the mic. Most of their lyrics were so dark and haunting, watching him was like witnessing an exorcism. A purging of sins. My body hummed with awareness, of something otherworldly unfolding before me.
“I’ll think about it,” I said quietly, more to myself than Letty.