To Rory’s surprise, his father appeared suitably ashamed. “I’m processing.”
Rory rolled his eyes. “I’ve got somewhere to be too, Dad. I landed the role as host for Australia’s next biggest reality show. I’m on set in Queensland for the next three weeks, and I’m leaving shortly.”
Garth’s eyebrows rose. “You’re full of surprises today.”
Rory hadn’t expected his father to congratulate him, but a small part of him still hoped that one day Garth would actually acknowledge his successes.
“What’s all this about you becoming a father?”
“The woman I’m seeing, Samira, is pregnant.”
A frown furrowed Garth’s brow. “Is this what you want?”
“Like how you didn’t want me, you mean?”
Garth’s gaze shifted away, and the old, familiar hurt of being unwanted tightened Rory’s chest.
“What makes you say that?”
Rory shook his head. “Where should I start, Dad? The fact you barely tolerated me when I was a kid. How you got this pained look on your face every time I had to talk to you. How your impatience made you finish every sentence I ever uttered. How you never spent time with me.” He held his hands out. “Should I continue?”
Pain contorted his father’s face before he finally raised his eyes to meet his. “I always wanted you,” he said. “But I harbored a lot of guilt, and it manifested in a way I couldn’t control.”
Confusion made Rory chuckle when it was the last thing he felt like doing. “You’re a control freak, so I’m pretty damn sure you could get a handle on this so-called guilt.”
If his dad wanted him to ask what he felt guilty for, he’d be waiting a long time. Rory didn’t want to hear his excuses. He wanted to learn more about his mother.
Folding his arms, Rory sat back and raised an eyebrow in a silent challenge. Finally, Garth gave a small nod, as if coming to a decision.
“Your mother had a minor stutter, hardly noticeable at all. But she was very self-conscious, and when my career started to take off, we had to attend a lot of legal functions. She made an effort, but she hated them because of her irrational fear of slipping up and making me look bad.”
Rory knew that fear of slipping up, and it sucked. He felt for his mom and wished she’d been around so he’d had someone who understood what he’d gone through growing up.
“I did everything to reassure her that she could never make me look bad, that I loved her wholeheartedly, but the more successful I became, the more she withdrew . . .”
Sorrow darkened his dad’s eyes. “We grew apart, and I had no idea how to fix it, so I focused on my work. She was busy with you, and we muddled along, until the day I came home after a major criminal case wrapped up to celebrate with her and she’d left. Left a note saying she didn’t want to hold me back any longer, I deserved someone I could proudly parade at functions, that she was failing as a mother because you were copying her speech and stuttering . . .”
Rory didn’t know what shocked him more, his dad opening up like this or the sheen of tears in his eyes.
“I was devastated initially, but then the anger set in. Even if she didn’t love me, how could she abandon you?” Gruffness deepened Garth’s tone, and he cleared his throat. “I couldn’t forgive her for that. I wanted to. I could’ve found her if I wanted to, but I let my anger consume me, and by the time I’d calmed down enough, it was too late.” Garth blew out a long, slow breath. “She died in a car accident about two months after she left.”
Pain, swift and unrelenting, stabbed at Rory’s chest. “And you never told me?”
Garth shrugged, regret evident in the slump of his shoulders. “What would’ve been the point? She’d left, regardless, and you were struggling enough. I didn’t want to add to your burden.”
“Dad, I’m twenty-seven. Did it ever enter your head to tell me this at some point when I grew up?”
Garth shrugged again, and it infuriated him.
“You stopped asking about her after a while, so I figured you didn’t care . . . You were so young when she left, you wouldn’t have remembered her.”
Damn his father for being right. He could’ve pushed for answers when he was older, but he’d settled for nursing his resentment toward his father.
“You should’ve told me.”
He’d never seen his father look so grave as he nodded. “You’re probably right, but it’s yet another mistake in a long list of mistakes I’ve made with you.”
Rory resisted the urge to glance at the floor. Had hell just frozen over?
“I’ve been a crap father.” His mouth turned down. “After your mother died, I spent a lot of time second-guessing myself. Had I done enough? Had I pushed her away unwittingly? Should I have seen the signs of her wanting to leave earlier? Should I have gone after her sooner? Would she have come back if I’d gone to her and begged? I neglected you, and when I tried to rectify that, it was too late; you stared at me like I was a stranger.” He shook his head. “And when you spoke, you reminded me so much of her it killed me.”
When his father eyeballed him, Rory could hardly believe the depth of pain he glimpsed.
“So I stupidly treated you the same way I had her. I missed her so much, and you were a constant reminder of how I’d screwed up, so I withdrew from you too, and let you down in the same way I did your mother.”
Regret clogged Rory’s throat for all the wasted years. Why hadn’t his father opened up to him about all this in the past?
“I—I don’t know what to say.”
Not that he wanted to speak, because whenever he was overemotional, he stuttered, and this was one of those times.
“It’s a lot to take in, Son, but I want you to know I’m sorry for being a lousy dad. I hope you’ll do a better job than me.”
They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, but for the first time in forever, Rory didn’t feel bitter or angry or resentful. His father may have screwed up in so many ways, but the past couldn’t be undone. The best he could hope for was a better relationship moving forward. And he had to admit, a huge part of him was relieved his father hadn’t looked down on him because of his stutter but had withdrawn from him out of love for his mother.
“I appreciate you telling me the truth,” Rory finally said to break the silence.
“Long overdue.” Garth cleared his throat again. “Anyway, let’s leave all this sentimentality alone and tell me about your new job. Landing a hosting role is a big step up for you. Uh . . . it would involve a lot of speaking?”