It’s meant to be a rhetorical question, but the answer rings clear in my head. He did something bad. Something that he needed an alibi for. That’s enough of a reason to change everything at once.
I stare at the dark red liquid. Sue’s voice turns to white noise as she tells a story about something that makes the other girls laugh and I laugh too, when they do. I don’t know if it’s the first time he’s needed an alibi. Or the second or the third. But it’s the first time he changed. I knew something was off before the article. Before he told me anything. Before the lies.
I knew something was different.
And I didn’t even bother to ask him what he’d done.
Evan
There’s a slow prick of irritation crawling down my spine as I sit in the chair across from James. Every limb feels the need to move, like a spider is climbing its way down my back. My fingers dig into the hard wood of the armrests as I stay perfectly still, staring down my former boss. Former friend. Now enemy.
“You aren’t the best at listening,” he says from across the room as he closes a drawer. The city lights creep in through the window behind him, casting shadows over the large desk.
“I don’t follow orders,” I grit out from between clenched teeth. My words come out menacing, but I don’t mean for them to. One more meeting, and this is over. I’m done with him. He’s yet to get that message or to tell me what the hell is going on.
James leans forward, clasping his hands together and his perfectly tailored suit wrinkles beneath his arms, making the fabric look cheap. He’s always looked just a bit cheap. Regardless of the brand or how expensive his tastes are. Some assholes will always look like a knockoff.
He taps his fingers on the desk, but my eyes don’t leave his. “The reason I called you in here is simple, Evan. The new client we have likes to live on the reckless side, and I’m concerned about drug abuse.”
A gruff exhale leaves me from deep down in my chest. “I quit.” I ignore the fact that he’s hinting around what happened with Tony. My skin tingles and that feeling of a spider crawling on me comes back. I can’t help but think he’s recording this conversation. Everything in my gut has been telling me there’s a setup and that I’m going to take the fall for what happened.
It was my fault, so I should be taking the blame regardless. On my terms, not this prick’s and he’s responsible for the way it went down. Some of the blame rests on his shoulders.
“I know what you said, but I assumed you’d come to your senses,” he says, waving off my curt response. “Like I said, the new client has been known to behave a bit recklessly and I just want to make sure the policy we had in place remains the same.”
The policy. I smirk at him, my grip on the arms getting tighter although my fingers are all that move.
The policy where the clients get what they want, but we don’t say it out loud to anyone. The one where we’re given clean stashes of the best drugs in the rec rooms. That’s the policy. Instead of clarifying the policy, I answer, “After what happened with Tony I would think it’s more than clear that we should advise our clients against anything too reckless.”
James’s eyes narrow. He knows I know that he’s recording this. I’m not a fool. The only question I have is why. Why record it? More blackmail? Or evidence? What’s he after?
I stare him in the eyes as I ask, “What is it you really want? You know you’ve provided drugs to clients before.” I cock my head to the side as I ask, “Are we changing the policy?”
“I’ve never given anyone anything illegal,” he states and I notice how he stiffens slightly but still tries to act casual as he shrugs and adds, “There’s no change to the policy.”
My wife has this thing she does. It’s a smile I hate. A smirk really. I hate it when she gives it to me. It’s one that tells me she knows I’m full of shit. While I sit here, staring at this asshole, I can feel the corner of my lips tug up into that sarcastic smirk. It doesn’t stay there for long, though.
“Did you know the coke was laced?” James asks me and it takes a moment for the question to register.
The coke I gave Tony.
That doesn’t make sense. Our shit is clean and pure and the best there is.
It’s also provided to us in the recreation room by the company.
“I wouldn’t know a thing about that.” It’s the only answer I can force out. Keeping a hard stare on my face even as my blood heats hotter and hotter.
Is he serious? It was laced?
I know the laws in and out. I can’t admit to any knowledge that could lead back to me. I can accuse him, but not admit to participation or any foresight of drugs being gifted so freely when asked.
I raise my hand as if I’m the one in the wrong. The one who misspoke. “None of it matters anyway. I told you, I quit.”
“And I told you, that you—”
“I’m done,” I say and my words come out hard as I stand up and tower over the desk. James is quick to get up, tugging at one sleeve and then the other on his suit. “I thought you had something to tell me. Something useful and not some delusion that you could use to blackmail me.”
His eyes glint with a darkness at my words. “It’s not blackmail. I haven’t—”
“Fuck you, James,” I say, cutting him off as I turn my back to him to stalk out of the room. It’ll be the last time I come here.
“You know what I can do to you,” James says the threat to my back.
“I’m calling your bluff,” I respond out of anger and instantly regret it, but I don’t stop. All the weeks of not knowing if him or Samantha would tell the cops what happened, all the guilt and denial rise up in my chest and cause the next words come out without my consent. “Tell them what happened.”
Just the thought of the truth getting out lifts a weight off of me.
“Tell them I gave him the coke. Tell them I set him up to get high and came back to him dead. Tell the press. Tell everyone,” I say and my heart beats faster and faster as my hands ball into white-knuckled fists. I realize what I’ve just done. I realize I’ve said it out loud. But I don’t care. It doesn’t change anything. None of it matters anymore.
“It’s murder, Evan, and you know it,” James says as I face the door to leave. Not bothering to acknowledge him in the least.
Yes, it’s murder. And it’s not the first time something’s happened under my watch. But it’s the last. I’m done with this shit and this life.
I didn’t lace a damn thing. If that stash was messed with, it wasn’t me and I’m not going down for a crime I didn’t commit. I’ll own up to everything else.
I want to pay for my sins and chase what truly matters to me.
A love I took for granted. A love I don’t know if I can salvage.
Kat
Pulled in every direction,
Too dizzy to stay still.
My feet stumble beneath me,
My body frozen from the chill.
No more of being numb and weak,
No more of waiting, left in vain.
I’ve had enough of lies,