For a second I want to reach out and stop him from leaving; I don’t want to go back to what’s waiting for me. I don’t want to face what I have to do.
But my fingers grip the edge of the foyer doorway as Jacob turns away and heads to the front door.
“I’ll talk to you later then?”
I should say no. I should cut off whatever this is. It’s dangerous and I can feel myself heading toward an edge where I won’t be able to balance. I can see myself falling. And that’s why I give him a small smile and nod my head. “Later,” I say, the word slipping from my lips like a sin.
Evan
The radio in the car is silenced as I turn off the ignition. It’s not often I get a parking spot so close to the townhouse. It was a sacrifice we made when we bought the place a few years ago.
My head falls back against the leather headrest and I stare up at the building, at the top two floors on the right side, knowing that Kat’s in there. So close, but so damn far away just the same.
My phone pings just as I open the door to get out and drag my sorry ass up to tell her everything. To lay it all out there, beg for her forgiveness, her understanding. But most importantly for her to stay with me. I’ll give her space and time. I’ll give her everything she asks. All I need is a deadline or something to work toward. I need her.
If she can still love me, after all I put her through and everything ahead of us, then we can get through anything.
I expect it to be Kat who messaged, but it’s not her that texted me. It’s Samantha.
I heard you quit.
News travels fast, I respond quickly and then debate on how to tell her I won’t be responding anymore to her. It’s not fair to my wife and now that I’ve left the company, there’s no reason to have any type of relationship with her.
What about what happened?
I stare at the text on my phone as the lights in my car dim, signaling me to leave. She follows up the question with another that makes my stomach churn. He knows about what happened and you know he won’t let it go. He’ll hang this over your head until he gets what he wants.
My brow knits as I read the message. I don’t give a shit what he knows or what he wants. For a moment, I think maybe she’s messaging the wrong person. I settle on my response.
I have nothing to give him.
He knows about us, Evan.
I stare at the text message, letting it sink in.
You told him? I ask her, my gaze shifting from the phone to the lit townhouse building off the busy city street. The lights are on in her office and the living room. So close. She’s so close.
My phone vibrates in my hand and I look back down to see her response. He’s known for years.
My hand clenches tight as I realize he’s been playing me. He’s never let on that he knew I fucked his wife.
My first instinct is to blame Sam. You didn’t tell me you told him, I text and then hate myself for it. I didn’t know she was married; we were both high and I wanted any excuse to end things with Kat.
I didn’t think he cared.
It was years ago. So now what? I swallow the ball of heat rising in my throat. It doesn’t change anything. If he wants to be pissed, he can be pissed.
I don’t see him letting this go. Not when he can get back at you. You need to be careful.
A frustrated groan travels up my throat.
Fuck him. He can do what he wants, but I’m not his bitch.
My phone immediately vibrates as I slip it into my pocket, and I cuss as I take it back out. Not to read her response, only to shut it off, silencing it and ignoring all the problems that wait for me. I’m done with both of them. I’m done with it all.
I swallow thickly and step out into the cool night, the city traffic surrounding me as I shut the car door and leave it all behind.
Everything is crumbling around me, but the only thing I care about is losing Kat. I don’t see how I can hold on to her when I don’t have a plan and I’ve lost control.
She needs a better man, and I swear I can be one. We’ll start over and do it right this time.
I run my hand down my face. Hitting the lock, the car beeps and the bright headlights flash in the dark of the night. The sounds of the city streets are loud as I walk up the sidewalk, past men and women who carry on with their busy lives and don’t have a clue how mine is being ripped apart.
I’ll confess and then pack a box, and let her know it’s only a separation and that even after I’ll still love her and want her. That I’ll do anything. I’ll keep coming back, fighting for her. I’m not saying goodbye, I’m only doing what she asks because I love her and I know she needs time.
The keys jingle in my hand as I make my way home. Every second I’m trying to think of the best way to come clean about everything to Kat. She deserves to know, even if she hates me once she finds out. I have to tell her first.
A heavy breath leaves me as I turn the lock and walk into the building, running a hand over my hair and trying to block the image of her disappointment from my mind.
I can imagine how her deep green eyes will widen, how her lips will part and how she’ll think I’m lying at first. I already know how she’ll look at me, how she’ll question who I am and why or if, she loves me.
My footsteps are heavy as I grip the iron railing and head to the top of the stairwell, to our home we’ve built together, the one she’s kicked me out of. My gut feels heavy, churning with a sickness that rises to my chest as I hear her voice and recall the memory of her telling me to get out. My fingers wrap tighter around the rail, keeping me upright as I force myself to continue. I need to confess and come clean.
I want Kat back and the life we once had. It’s all I need to live.
Every thought is lost at the sight in front of me. My blood turns ice cold when I stop at the top of the stairs where Kat’s talking to that asshole from the café. Her voice is kind and nurturing and the way she offers him a sad smile … fuck no.
My legs feel like they’re trembling; my body’s shaking from the sight of him. Jacob, the supposed client Kat said was no one. No one. Yet he stands only feet away from the front door.
Anger rises quickly as I watch them. I knew there was something between them. I could tell. I know my wife and I know men like this prick.
“You motherfucker,” I sneer the words without thinking twice. The door to my townhouse is still cracked when this dumb fuck looks up at me.
“What are you doing?” Kat calls out with shock as she stands in the doorway.
Kat
I’d recognize Evan’s voice anywhere, but the anger is terrifyingly new. The second I grip the cold handle and open the door, my body freezes and the shock makes my mouth hang open and my eyes go wide. My heart beats in what feels like slow motion.
“Stop it!” I scream at him. My words echo in my head as he slams his fist against Jacob’s jaw. It’s instantly red and swollen and Evan’s already got his other fist up.
Holy shit!
“Evan!” I scream as I run out of the foyer and into the hallway. “Stop it!” I yell and grip onto his arm. I slam both of my hands into Evan’s chest, managing to separate the two men as Jacob grabs his jaw.
“You fucked my wife,” Evan yells over me, screaming at Jacob and this time I want to smack Evan straight across his face. I don’t. I don’t give him any reaction except to turn toward Jacob to apologize.