when they are the reason
the wheels of this world stay turning
i want to give my dad
a lifetime of peace
for the lifetime he spent
on the road to feed us
i want him to know
what comfort feels like
i want him to see
he’s done enough
- a lifetime on the road
when the kids at school asked
where my mom worked
i lied and said at the factory
like all the other moms
i was too embarrassed to admit
she didn’t have a “real job”
even though “stay-at-home mom” meant
she was a full-time caregiver
driver
chef
secretary
tutor
cleaner
best friend
of four kids and
the world’s definition of a “real job”
couldn’t begin to cover all that
- value
we were always in survival mode
long after we didn’t need to be
- habit
i’m stuck in
this constant cycle
of running off to build my life
and running back cause
i feel guilty about not
spending enough time with them
- parent-guilt
i thought my brown immigrant body
should always work harder
than everyone else in the room
because that’s what made me valuable
our elders are not disposable
the land sprawled its limbs
and said put your feet up
the trees said we will give you life
the air said breathe me in
the earth said
take care of what takes care of you
and we turned our backs on all of them
- betrayal
we’ve ruined
our only home for
convenience and profit
neither of which will be
useful once the earth
can’t breathe
being the loudest on earth’s playground
doesn’t make us any more important than
the dirt we crush beneath our feet
we are nothing except air
and fire and water and soil
we are a people
who forget what we are made of
a people who talk about the weather
as if it’s mundane and not magic
as if the oceans
are not holy water
as if the sky
is not a vision
as if the animals
are not our siblings
as if nature is not god
and rain is not god’s tears
and we are not god’s children
as if god is not the earth itself
i was trying to fit into a system
that left me empty
- capitalism
i thought i could
accomplish my way
into being happy
but nothing on the outside
fulfilled me in the ways
it had promised
happiness grew old
waiting for me
and i grew old
searching for happiness
in places it did not live
our souls
will not be soothed
by what we achieve
how we look
or all the hard work we do
even if we managed to
make all the money in the world
we’d be left feeling empty for something
our souls ache for community
our deepest being craves one another
we need to be connected
to feel alive
i get so lost
in where i want to go
i forget that the place i’m in
is already quite magical
i miss the days my friends
knew every mundane detail about my life
and i knew every ordinary detail about theirs
adulthood has starved me of that consistency
that us
the walks around the block
the long conversations when we were
too lost in the moment to care what time it was
when we won and celebrated
when we failed and celebrated harder
when we were just kids
now we have our very important jobs
that fill up our very busy schedules
we compare calendars just to plan coffee dates
that one of us eventually cancels
cause adulthood is being too exhausted
to leave our apartments most days
i miss knowing i once belonged
to a group of people bigger than myself
that belonging made life easier to live
- friendship nostalgia
we already have the things that can complete us
they just aren’t things
they are people
and laughter and connection
- irreplaceable
you might have done
the external work
but your mind is starving
for internal attention
- listen
i’m throwing the whole concept of