I plated Declan’s food, then Avery’s.
She set the water glasses in front of each plate, she touched my hand before asking softly, “Are you okay?”
I glanced at her quickly, seeing concern, before looking away. I couldn’t handle her pity right now. “Of course.”
“Did you want something else to drink? Another beer?” she asked.
“No. This is fine.”
My forehead beaded with sweat, my stomach churning with nerves. I’d looked forward to this evening with Avery, but one mention of Declan’s mother sent me spiraling with thoughts of how Erin could disrupt Declan’s life, creating turmoil and confusion. The last thing he needed right now was to be reminded his mother abandoned him, or her coming back into his life, only to leave a second time. I wouldn’t let it happen.
Declan kept up a steady stream of talk about school, Legos, and his friends, seemingly unaffected by my change in mood. Avery sent me concerned glances occasionally.
I wish I could go back to the moment before she mentioned Erin.
When we’d finished eating, I cleared the plates while Declan went to grab his overnight bag to go to his friend Ian’s house.
Avery rose to join me by the sink. Her hand on my forearm stilled me. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been off ever since I mentioned Erin.”
“The thought of her coming back—” I shook my head.
“It threw you—”
“Yeah. I don’t know what I’d do. How can I stop her when she’s his biological mother?”
“No. From what you’ve said, she’s never been his mother. She may be the one who birthed him, but a mother is more than that. It’s being there for him, not abandoning him for eight years.
“She hasn’t been here since he was three months old. He doesn’t remember her. He doesn’t know her.”
She leaned a hip on the counter. “Has he asked about her?”
“Not since Julian died. It’s like she doesn’t exist in his mind. It’s only ever been Julian, my parents, and me.”
“You’re his family. If she comes back, we’ll deal with it. A judge might give her visitation or partial, but not full custody. Julian clearly thought you should have Declan, you’re already doing an amazing job of raising him.”
“What about her parents? I’ve never looked into her family. What if they found out they have a grandchild somewhere and they institute proceedings?” I rubbed the back of my neck. I hadn’t even considered this, which could open a whole set of issues.
“There’s no right to grandparent visitation in Maryland. The most important thing is that Julian named you as guardian. The only one who has a valid competing interest is Erin. Maybe it would ease your mind to check? When you have him give an update on Erin, have him investigate her family.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“I’m sorry I brought her up at all. I told you I have a knack for ruining conversations.”
“No. You were right to remind me that none of this is permanent, at least not yet. Until I’m officially named his guardian, or I have Erin’s signed termination parental rights in my hands, he’s not mine. When I found out Julian named me, I thought it was a mistake. That Julian hadn’t really considered the possibility he’d be gone, needing me to raise his son. If he had, he’d never choose me.”
“You don’t know that he didn’t think about it. He had foresight to think of the best choice and he picked you.”
I shook my head to clear the anxiety. “I hope you’re right and I’m worrying for no reason.”
She stepped back, watching me rinse the dishes, arranging them in the dishwasher. “You love him. You want to raise him.”
“I do.” I’d made my decision but the threat of Erin coming back, disrupting our lives solidified it. I wanted to make it official. I wanted him to be mine.
“That’s great, Griffin. I’m so happy for you.” Her eyes were filled with happiness and pride. “I’ll call the court on Monday and ask the clerk to move up the guardianship hearing if they can.”
“That would be good.” My voice was gruff, I didn’t want to give in to all the things I was feeling—satisfaction she thought I was doing a good job, or fear that Erin could rip it all away at any time.
“It’s more than good. You’re exceptional.” She’d moved closer, her voice soft in case Declan came down the steps.
“You make me sound like this—”
“Amazing person? That’s because you are. You’re so much more than I thought when I first met you.” She’d moved closer during the conversation, but still stood a foot away, leaning her hip against the counter.
I chuckled. “To be fair, I yelled at you on the phone. Anything would have been an improvement.”
“True. But even after, when we met in person at my office, you worried if you were the right choice for Declan. You thought someone else could do a better job.”
“I’d do anything for him.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. I’d proven I could provide a stable home for Declan, but was that enough?
The idea that what I’d built in Annapolis could come crumbling down with Erin’s return made me feel desperate as if I didn’t have time to waste. If I wanted Avery, I should make my desires known. Even if it scared her away. I needed to keep pushing, because like Declan, she was worth the effort. I couldn’t face Erin without Avery at my side.
“Come here.”
She arched a brow but moved to stand in front of me. I hooked my fingers in the belt loops at her hips and pulled her into me. “Will you stay?”
She probably thought I wanted to talk more about Erin, but I didn’t. I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to touch her, I wanted to lose myself in her.
Chapter Thirteen
Avery
“Will you stay after Declan goes to Ian’s house? Then we can talk.”
He leaned against the countertop, my hips nestled between his widespread legs, my hands rested on his chest, touching his soft shirt. His desire to keep Declan, to be a father figure to him was attractive. His physical nearness and freshly showered scent sent tingles through my body. Every inch of my skin was alive, my nerves all over the place, wanting to get closer at the same time I wanted to push him away. He held me in place with his fingers in my belt loops. I wanted to be with him, my desire for him overriding my sense of preservation.
“Okay.”
He smiled, satisfied by my answer. He leaned down, kissing my forehead. “I’ll go tell him Ian will be here any minute. Why don’t you get comfortable in the living room? Remotes are on the coffee table.”
“Okay.” I wanted to be here. I wanted to spend more time with him. I wanted him.
His head lowered, his lips met mine, soft, lingering as if he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. I wanted to push up on my tiptoes, wrap a hand around his neck, pulling him down to me, and kiss him like we’d kissed the other night. I wanted to feel his body pressed up against mine, my breasts smashed against his chest, his hands gripping my ass, squeezing, pulling me tighter to his body, but I hesitated, uncomfortable to take it further with Declan upstairs.