“So what now?” I kept my tone light, uncaring. I wouldn’t let this man hurt me, reject me. I never allowed that.
He sighed, removing his hand from my chest. “I wish you’d let me in.”
I almost said I was here. I stayed after you said no, but I didn’t. I was in unchartered territory. I didn’t know how to settle into his arms, resting my head on his chest, soaking up his warmth. Not when he’d said no. I was the problem. It was always me.
“Come here.”
I closed my eyes against the warmth of his voice, his pleading tone. With each soft touch and word, I was softening, wanting more than my solitary existence.
“Please, Avery.”
My gaze settled on his eyes, judging his sincerity. His arms were wide open, inviting me, his eyes filled with care. The pull to move toward him overcame any doubts or insecurities. I wanted his arms around me. As soon as I settled my head on his chest, his body relaxed as first one arm then a second wrapped around me. I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent, listening to the thud of his heart against my ear.
He kissed the top of my head.
Tears formed behind my lids. His words echoed in my head. I want you. What’s inside.
Would he want me when he found out what was inside? A heart incapable of love, affection, or care. I’d been described as cold and indifferent for a reason. That’s who I was. I couldn’t forget that even when the warmth of his body heated my soul.
He shifted, lifting me easily into his lap.
I was cradled in his arms like a child, my head tucked into his neck. The position took my breath away as if I’d been punched in the gut. I struggled to catch my breath. I watched his steady pulse in his neck as I tried to calm mine, knowing I’d never be able to push him away. He had a hold of me. When I pushed, he caught me.
“I do want you.” His voice was so low I almost didn’t hear him. “More than anyone I’ve ever met. You’re important. You’re special. I don’t want to screw this up.”
He had it all wrong. “I’m the one who’s going to screw this up. I don’t deserve you.”
He moved his arm so it was no longer around my back, his hand cupped my cheek as he pulled away to see my face. “You aren’t going to screw this up because you’re going to be real and honest with me.”
I swallowed, his confidence shaking me to my core. What if I screwed up the best thing I’d ever had? “I’ll try.”
He kissed me then, seemingly accepting my response. I quickly gave in to the sensation of his fingers in my hair, his hand gripping my hip, his lips on mine. I wanted more. I wanted to shift on his lap to straddle him, but I let him take the lead.
Griffin pulled away slightly, a hand in my hair. “I don’t want easy. I want you. I want to work for your affection, your love, your trust. Can you wait?”
.
Chapter Fourteen
Avery
When I left Griffin’s house Saturday night, I felt raw, but at the same time, there was this glow left over from the sensation of his arms around me. I craved more. I spent Sunday trying to regroup, going about my regular routine of coffee on the balcony, a walk around town, and reading, trying to push back all of the emotions that Griffin raised to the surface the night before.
Nothing worked. I still felt unsettled, uncertain, yet strangely hopeful. I didn’t allow anyone to take up space inside my head, except Griffin. He was different.
He’d seen right through me last night. I should have been running as fast as I could away from him, but I wasn’t.
When I finally went to bed, I propped myself up, scrolling mindlessly through my phone for a distraction from the running trail of thoughts that had been going through my head all day when a text came through.
Griffin: Are you still up?
A smile tugged at my lips. Yes.
The video call rang a second later. I scanned my body, smoothing my hair, sitting up straighter before I hit accept.
“Hey.” His voice rumbled through my chest, shaking things up, knocking things loose.
“Hey.” I licked my lips, wishing I had some water for my suddenly very dry throat.
“What did you do today?”
“The usual.” I didn’t want him to know how deeply his question affected me. Since Wes, I kept things with men light and easy, but things were already different with Griffin.
His lips twitched. “I don’t know what the usual is.”
And I wanted to tell him. Give him a glimpse of my life. “Well, I like to drink my morning coffee on my balcony watching people walk their dogs. I did a yoga video.”
He considered me. “Yoga. I didn’t take you for a yoga person.”
“Why is that?” I raise my brow, hoping for insight into how he viewed me.
He tapped his chin with his finger. “You seem a little—”
“Strung tight?” I kept my voice light even though I worried he thought of me this way.
“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
“I try to clear my mind when I do yoga, but it’s tough. I walked around town, came home, and finished my book. What did you do?” My tone was light, playful, hiding how desperately I wanted a glimpse into his day. I was inviting him in when I should have been shutting him down.
“I’d say that sounds like my life before Declan but it wasn’t the same. I never took the time to walk through town or drink my coffee without working simultaneously, either on my phone or computer.”
I could picture him like that. When we first talked on the phone about the lease, he was gruff and impatient, giving me the impression he was a busy man. I didn’t think I’d be attracted to that version of him. “Your old life doesn’t sound healthy or sustainable.”
“It wasn’t.”
We were both quiet for a few seconds, taking each other in. A sense of contentment washed over me, the feeling I sought during yoga but never attained.
“What did you and Declan do today?”
He tipped his head back as if thinking. “We visited a rescue shelter.”
“You did? I didn’t know you wanted a dog.”
“Declan does and his counselor thinks it’s a good idea. A distraction for him if you will.” His tone was cautious, as if he wasn’t sure.
“Oh. Yeah. That makes sense.” I’d always wanted a pet but whenever I’d mentioned it growing up, Mom discouraged me.
“We were just looking, doing research. If we get one, I want to make sure Declan helps out. I mentioned to him he’d have to help feed the dog, walk it, make sure it goes outside periodically.”
“That’s a good idea.” I was impressed he was willing to take on the added responsibility of a dog.
He chuckled. “It only took a few months, but I already feel like a dad.” The pleasure on his face turned to wistfulness. “Even though he’s not mine.”
The longing on his face dislodged something else in my chest. “He is yours. Julian entrusted him with you. You’re looking out for him, making decisions that affect him, working with his counselor. You’re a great dad.”
“It’s funny because I never wanted to have children or at least I never thought about it.”