“So you’re saying you’re catching feelings for Griffin?” Hadley asked, leaning toward me.
I bit my lip. “Yeah. I think so. I look forward to his calls. I want to see him.”
“Why do you seem so freaked out by that?” Hadley asked.
I wanted to argue with her but I couldn’t. I was freaked out. “I’ve never put myself out there. I don’t want to get hurt.”
“Who says you’re going to get hurt?” Hadley asked.
“Someone always does. It’s not like every relationship is a fairy tale.”
“I wouldn’t say it’s a fairy tale, but things with Cade have been great,” Hadley said.
Things had been great so far with Griffin, but Declan usually acted as a buffer. This was the first time we were going out alone. “I’m not like you. I’m not sure I’m capable of a relationship.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit. Just because you haven’t done it before, doesn’t mean you can’t,” Hadley said.
“Yeah, maybe.” There were higher stakes in this relationship because Declan was involved. I didn’t want to hurt him either. What if he got attached, but things didn’t work out? Or I bolted when things got too serious? That wasn’t fair to him.
“I think you’re overthinking things. Go with what you feel,” Hadley said.
Could I do that when I’d never allowed myself to feel much of anything since the shame and humiliation of high school? If I numbed myself, nothing could get to me. If I opened up, anything was possible. That was the scariest thing of all.
Chapter Seventeen
Griffin
I’d planned a low key touring day because I was taking her to the yacht club this evening. It was fancy, maybe a little pretentious, but Cade texted this morning telling me Hadley wanted me to know that Avery planned to wear an evening gown. I’d seen her at the Kids Speak fundraiser in a fancy dress but this was different. This time she was dressing for me.
I wanted to take her somewhere worthy of her. I wanted to impress her even when I knew she didn’t care about my money or status. She wanted me.
I texted her to meet Declan and me at a historical mansion and gardens a little north of downtown. We leaned against the brick wall surrounding the building waiting for her. I saw her the moment she turned the corner, walking toward us, a smile brightening her face.
A sense of contentment flowed through me as I pushed off the wall to greet her. “Good morning.”
She stopped a foot away from me. “’Morning. Hi, Declan.”
He looked up from his gaming console. “Hey.”
“Put that away.”
He grumbled but placed it in his bookbag. He wasn’t excited about touring a historical building but my original plans of driving to the Eastern Shore would be too much with our dinner plans.
I held out my hand to Avery, breathing a sigh of relief when she took it. We listened to the tour guide as she led us around the home, but I had trouble focusing. I wanted to hurry up through the tour so I could be alone with Avery. The tour guide finally let us loose in the gardens. Declan ran ahead of us to explore. We followed at a leisurely pace. Grounds people assembled a tent for a wedding scheduled for this evening.
Avery picked up one of the potted flowers for sale on the way out.
I liked to think it would always remind her of this day. I took it from her, paying for it.
Declan had wandered into the gift shop, so we were alone.
“I know this wasn’t an exciting day for you and Declan, but thanks for joining me. Things are better when you experience them with someone.” Her eyes widened at her admission.
My thumb coasted over her lips. “I like doing things with you. It’s like seeing my hometown all over again for the first time.”
I leaned down, kissing her lightly on the lips. It was a promise for more. “I can’t wait for tonight.”
“Me neither.”
“I have this weird feeling when I’m with you, like I’m falling off a cliff.”
A weird sinking sensation settled in my stomach. This was real. Her words were proof she was as into this as I was. “That’s a good thing.”
“I hope so.”
Avery
I tried texting Griffin several times to call off tonight but each time I pulled up his contact reading his last text see you tonight, I couldn’t do it. I saw Declan and Griffin’s disappointed faces. I was in too deep.
I was panicking, wanting to claw back up the cliff to safety where no one had a hold over my life, their words didn’t matter, their actions didn’t faze me. Back to the life I lived before Declan and Griffin. The one that was also devoid of light and happiness.
If I wanted something more, if I wanted to be happy, I needed to take a risk. I needed to trust Griffin wouldn’t betray me like Wes had.
I pulled half of my hair into a small bun, curling the ends of the hair that was down. The color of my hair contrasted nicely against the sapphire color of my dress. I tried to steady my hand as I used the mascara wand on my lashes, trying to remember Dylan’s tutorial from last night. Finished, I stared at the woman in the mirror, unrecognizable.
I wasn’t hiding anymore. I wasn’t living half a life. I was vibrant. I was a woman who saw what she wanted and went after it. I closed my eyes. I wanted Griffin, but how long would he want me? What would happen when he found out I was cold inside? I tried to push out the doubts, the fears, the worries that he’d decide I wasn’t worth the trouble.
The worries of leaving myself unprotected, giving someone else power to hurt me crept in, making my hands shake, my stomach tighten. The knock sounded on the door, startling me from reverie.
He was here. I’d left my clutch and heels by the door, so I headed that way, taking steadying breaths as I walked. I pulled open the door, not feeling any more settled.
My knees felt loose. I kept my eyes on his face even when I wanted to slowly peruse down his body, taking in his trim form in the suit. I knew without looking he was achingly handsome.
His eyes filled with appreciation at the sight of me. “You look gorgeous.”
Not hot. Not sexy. Gorgeous. “Thank you.”
He stepped in the doorway, his hand on my neck, tilting my chin up. “I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful.” His voice was full of admiration.
I wanted to say thank you, say something, but I couldn’t. I could only nod slightly, parting my lips in invitation.
He stepped closer, his feet on either side of mine, his hands on the back of my neck, lips touching mine. There was nothing tentative about it. It was demanding. When he finally lifted his head, taking a step back, my lips felt swollen, my skin warm and tingling.
His eyes crinkled at the corners, his lips twitched. “Are you ready to go to dinner?”
“Yes.” I grabbed my clutch, checking my compact for smeared lipstick before slipping into my shoes, then taking his offered hand.
We walked down the narrow steps of my building onto the heat of the sidewalk. “I’ve never felt this nervous on a date before.”
Griffin smiled. “That means I’m doing something right.”