Crossing the distance, I sit behind her on the couch, wrapping my arms around her and kissing the crook of her neck. She releases a content sigh at my touch.
“What’s wrong?” I murmur as her body sinks further into mine. She gives a shrug and a noise that I take it to mean I don’t know. “Talk to me,” I plead.
“Just a little sad I guess.” She traces her finger over my wrist bone. “It’s my third Christmas without my mom—fourth,” she hastily corrects herself, letting out a self-deprecating laugh. “Four years,” she repeats. “I barely remember the first Christmas, I was still so out of it from pain meds and everything going on that I didn’t really notice. Isn’t that horrible?”
“It’s not horrible. Your whole life changed. You were in the hospital, coping as best you could while navigating uncharted waters.”
A lone tear snakes down her cheek. Neither she nor I make a move to wipe it away. More quickly follow.
“I don’t know why I’m crying,” she says a minute later, her cheeks damp.
“Because you need to.”
“She’s never coming back and it sucks.”
“I’m so sorry.” I kiss her cheek.
Grief is a horrible thing. It never truly goes away and in vulnerable moments, like now for her, it catches up with you.
Dani tilts her head back to look at me. “She’ll never see us get married or have babies.”
My throat gets tight. “You’re going to marry me one day? Have my babies?”
She smiles, reaching up to smooth her hand over my jaw. “Absolutely.”
We’ve talked in the last few months about the future, but hearing her say again that she wants to marry me, make a family together, is the best Christmas present she could ever give me and it’s not even Christmas day yet.
“Did I wake you?” She eventually asks.
“Nah.” I shake my head, my chin brushing back and forth over the top of her head. “I woke up on my own and noticed you weren’t in bed.”
She leans over, setting her mug on the coffee table. “And you came to find me,” she surmises. “You’re always my knight in shining armor.”
I let out a gruff laugh. “I try to be.” She settles her body back against mine. “What do you need?”
I want to let her have her moment. To think about her mom, the past, the trauma. It’s better than when she was trying to suppress it.
“You,” she whispers, pulling my arms tighter around her. “Just you, here holding me.”
“That’s enough?” I ask in surprise.
“It’s everything.”
I feel the truth ringing in her words. Sometimes all we need is someone we love to hold us close and remind us that despite the chaos in the world we’re not alone.
“Tally, no!” Dani scolds the young cat for once again playing with the Christmas tree, her tiny paw batting at a silver ornament.
I lift my eyes from the book I’m reading. “She’s a cat, it’s what they do.”
Dani looks at me over her shoulder, her hazel eyes clear and shining. There’s no trace left of her crying episode early this morning.
“But Tally is well-behaved. She’s better than this.”
I chuckle in amusement. “Good luck getting her not to mess with it.”
“No!” She scoops up Tally into her arms. “No,” she repeats. “That’s the Christmas tree. Be nice to it so Santa Paws will bring you presents.”
I disguise my laugh with a cough. Amazon packages have been showing up to my house for days and my gut tells me they’re not filled with things for me, but the cat and dog instead. I wouldn’t expect any less from Dani, of course she’d spoil them.
“I need to go to the grocery store today.” I’ve been making a list of everything I need to get for the meal I’m making for Christmas day.
“I’ll come too,” she volunteers. “Could we get some ingredients for cookies? Ooh! Or maybe a pie? If you’re willing to teach me.” She smiles sheepishly, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth.
I set my book aside. “How about a cake? I’ve never made a pie, and I leave cookies to my mom. I always burn them.” I’m a far better cook than I am a baker. Baking is far more technical and I usually mess at least one step up, but cakes I can handle.
Dani nods eagerly. “Cake sounds good.”
A couple hours later, Dani and I walk up and down the aisles of the local grocery store, located a convenient ten minutes from my house.
I toss ingredients inside the cart as she walks along beside me, humming softly under her breath. Christmas music plays over the speakers, someone singing about having a holly jolly time. But most of the shoppers look like they’re feeling the furthest thing from holly or jolly. The majority look stressed and harried as they bustle about the store.
“What else do we need?” Her words cut into my thoughts.
Looking down at the handwritten list I made I name of the items, hoping that they’re not sold out with it only being days before Christmas. So far we’ve lucked out.
Normally I wouldn’t leave grocery shopping for a meal like this so close to the event, but I got busy and let time slip away.
Once we have the last few items on the list, thankfully in stock, we head to the checkout. The lines are massively long and the cashiers look exhausted.
“I’m going to grab a coffee and be right back. Do you want anything?” Dani nods to the café at the front of the store.
“Get a coffee for me too.”
I start to pull my wallet out and she waves me off.
“I’ve got this.”
Before I can retort she’s already walking away. I shake my head, fighting a smile.
I love that girl. For so many reasons and I swear I discover even more every day.
The line moves up gradually and by the time Dani returns with two lattes in hand I only have two more people in front of me.
Walking out of the store, the snow we walked in with has now turned into a mix of snow and rain.
“Ugh, I hate this wintry mix,” she complains as I unlock my car, popping the trunk open. “It makes the roads so unsafe.”
“You’re only complaining because the last time it did this you ate shit walking to the mailbox.”
She glares at me. “I thought we said we were never going to mention that ever again.”
I throw my head back with laughter, reaching for one of the paper bags filled with goods. “You threatened me if I ever brought it up, but I didn’t promise a thing.”
She makes a tiny growling sound that shouldn’t be as adorable as it is.
“I’m getting in the car. You’re on your own now.”
I chuckle in amusement as her as she slips inside the car with the coffees and I finish loading.
Heading across the parking lot I return the cart to one of the various stalls before turning around to walk back.
That’s when my feet go out from under me on the slippery asphalt.
My arms windmill at my sides but it does no good. I’m down on my ass in the middle of the parking lot.
Looking up, I spot Dani sitting in the passenger seat of the car laughing her ass off. I can’t help but laugh too at the irony of it. With a groan, I gather myself to my feet, dusting the wet snow off my coat.