“Now I know why Chris loves the single life. Women make you batshit crazy.”
Caleb laughs. “You might want to keep that bit of information to yourself, bro.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m going to do a workout session first. I can’t go over there feeling wired like this. It will only make things worse because she’s as stubborn as I am.”
“You’re well matched, Clay. Anyone can see that. Just don’t screw it up.”
I nod and walk away from my brother. Maybe knocking shit out of a punchbag will help relieve some of my bad mood and tension.
***
I’m wiping the towel across my neck when Carrick wheels Shay into the gym. I stop what I’m doing because I really wanted to talk to her before the lunchtime therapy session started. Now, I’m not so sure. Her face still looks murderous, and I’ve been on the end of that murderous look more times than I want to count.
“Good luck, Clay. Princess here isn’t in the best of moods,” says Carrick.
“That’s probably all my fault. I’ll take it from here.”
Carrick leaves us without a sarcastic word. It’s times like this that I wish he would carry on being a comedian. Something, anything, just to lighten the mood.
Shay crosses her arms over her chest and stares at a spot on the faraway wall past me. She never once lets her eyes drift across me.
“I’m not going to apologize for caring, Shay. I’m also not going to apologize for trying to make that decision about the army ceremony for you. However, I will apologize for throwing the past at you. It was wrong. I hate myself for it. I’m terrified of losing you again. And…” I take in a big deep breath and let it out slowly. “…I don’t think I could live without you again.”
Silence falls all around us, and it’s eerily quiet. We could probably hear a pin drop it’s that still. I want to scream at her to just talk to me. Christ, she can scream, yell, or throw things if she so desires. I just don’t like the silent treatment at all.
“Please, Shay, say something… anything.”
She shrugs. “I don’t know what to say. I’m tired. No, I’m fucking exhausted. I don’t want to fight with you, but you need to remember that I’m still the same person I always was. I’m a big girl. I’m capable of making my own decisions.”
“I know.”
“And I don’t need you to be my protector, Clay. I want you to be my friend. My everything. My reason for breathing. I’m not your mission.”
And as much as I want to tell her she was my mission for so long, I keep that to myself and take her hand in mine. I need to learn to shut up and just keep the peace.
“I won’t promise anything, but I will try to be anything you want me to be.”
“Good. Now, Chris isn’t here yet. He’s late. Will you help me over to the walking bars?”
“Chris doesn’t have army or police background, babe. You’ll need to kick his time keeping into touch.”
“That can be arranged.” She smiles at me.
I click on the brake of the chair and hold out my hands for her to take. I was going to push her over to the bars, but I’m going to be Chris, and stop mollycoddling her. She seems to like it, because she nods, bites her lip in concentration, and pushes off the chair. Her eyes lock with mine, and her hands squeeze mine. I can see the determination in her face; she’s making it to those bars, even if it kills her.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Yes,” she grinds out. “I can do this. I won’t be a burden with that chair for much longer.”
“Hey, whether it takes you two weeks, two months, or two years, you could never be a burden, do you understand?”
“The wounded puppy look doesn’t suit me, Clay. It isn’t me. The quicker I can get back on my feet, the better. I want to walk at the army award ceremony. I want everyone to see that I’m not laying down for anything. I won’t be bullied. And it will take a lot more to crucify me than that camp.”
“That’s only a few days away.”
“I know.”
“And she can do it if she puts her mind to it,” says Chris from the door.
Shay’s head shoots up at the sound of Chris’s voice. I want to chastise him for not taking my side, but I can tell that Shay is going to rip him a new asshole. She’s saved me a job.
“Chris, come here.”
And my baby brother trots over to us casually, drinking a can of soda on his way. He stops beside Shay and me and smiles at her.
“Good progress,” he says.
“Good progress.” She laughs. “What time is it?”
Chris looks down at his watch. “12.15. why?”
“So, you can tell the time. You’re late. Fifteen minutes late. Lunchtime, you said. Lunchtime is twelve o’clock.”
“Not another time freak in the family.” Chris turns and shakes his head.
“Time freak. It’s called being punctual. Good time keeping is everything. Will you be late to your own wedding?”
“I won’t be late to my own wedding, because there won’t be a wedding. I’m happy and single, princess. Now, I’m supposed to be kicking your ass into training, not the other way around.” Chris turns back toward us as we reach the bars. “Clay, get out of here.”
“Okay. Play nice.” I bend down and kiss Shay’s cheek. “Give me a shout when you’re done,” I call over to my brother.
I’d love to be a fly on the wall with these two, they’re both hot heads. Both have the need to control situations. And they both sure as hell like to get the last word. It would be very entertaining to watch. Blood, sweat, and tears will be shed.
***
I’ve walked around all day like someone stole my morning coffee. I’m angry, I’m frustrated, and I’m pissed off with the world.
“I’ve confirmed Shay’s presence on Monday. We’ve got six days to create a tight schedule. Security will be as tight as possible,” says Caleb.
I sit down in my home office and lean my head back on the chair. If I didn’t, I think I’d bang my head off the table until I pass out. A blackout seems very appealing.
“I have a bad feeling about this, bro.”
Caleb nods and holds up his hands. “We just have to be there, Clay. Nothing is going to happen when we’re there. We don’t let Shay or her family out of our sight. There are four of them. I’ll see if I can rope in some ex-colleagues for backup. Stop stressing.”
“Easier said than done.”
“It is, but worrying about it is only going to weaken you. We need your strength.”
I know Caleb is right. I’m just being a pussy. I need to get my act together. Too many lives are on the line if I fail this protection detail.
“I’ll draw up a plan. That will let you spend as much time here with Shay.”
“Thanks.” I stand up and grab my coffee cup. “I trust you, bro. Just tell me where to be and what you need of me.”
“Good.” Caleb pats my shoulder. “Get some rest.”
We walk through my house. It’s quiet apart from a few pots banging around in my kitchen.
“Give me a call if you need anything,” Caleb says before leaving my house.