He watched as Lucas helped Dash with the glue.
“I just can’t work out what sort of little Lucas is.”
“You mean part-time, or something else?” Patrick asked.
“No,” Jacob replied. “He loves cuddles, intimacy, but he doesn’t seem to know what to do with toys, and I can’t work out if that’s because he’s genuinely not interested, or he simply doesn’t trust me to appear that vulnerable.”
“Which is understandable given the short-term nature of your relationship,” Jensen said.
Jacob sighed. It was completely understandable. He just felt he was failing Lucas on some emotional level that went against every instinct he had.
“Actually, in confidence please, do either of you know anyone that publishes children’s books?”
They both shook their heads.
Jacob smiled. “It was a long shot.”
“Why, you getting fed up with designing towns?” Patrick asked.
Jake chuckled but didn’t elaborate and watched the goings-on at the craft table. Other littles and Daddies came and went, but he noticed Lucas, even though he’d started out helping Dash and Charlie, now seemed completely absorbed in what he was doing. He also seemed to be enjoying himself.
And why not? Of all people with the lifestyle he led, he should know that even age play wasn’t one size fits all. Just because they were little boys didn’t mean they should all play with cars and trains. His eyes narrowed carefully as he watched Lucas. Abigail had come to join them and had put her doll down on the table. She tried to sit it on the empty chair, but it kept falling off. After a moment, Lucas stood and rolled a blanket on the chair like a nest and propped the doll on it, and Abigail was delighted, but the important thing, the vital thing, was that he hadn’t missed the way Lucas had smoothed the doll’s dress down, then glanced up furtively to check no one had seen.
Jacob leaned back in utter astonishment, feeling like he’d had a blindfold ripped off. He would bet everything he had that was the problem. Lucas had a double worry. Bad enough with his background and complete bastard of a stepfather he didn’t feel safe enough to regress in the first place, but add that to being expected to become the “norm” of what a little boy would enjoy and he was doubly scared. So much made sense. Even where he’d found Lucas in the supermarket with the stuffed toys. The end of the aisle had been the baby girls’ clothes and toys, and he would bet he had been drawn there without even thinking.
Jacob grinned. He knew exactly how to help Lucas. He turned to see Patrick watching him and opened his mouth to ask for an introduction to Jensen’s sister, when the doors opened and Ho Ho Ho Santa stepped through.
Each little sat on their Mommy or Daddy’s knee while they got their gift and opened it, and then they all sat in a circle and opened the gifts from the other Daddies. Jacob watched as Lucas was polite. He opened the coloring books and beamed his thanks, but the fire engine and the small group of toy soldiers got a polite smile. Jacob couldn’t wait to go home. He wanted to go on the online site he’d found and scroll through all the little girl clothes. He’d have to be careful though. It was one thing Jacob thinking he understood what Lucas wanted, and another entirely having it shoved in his face. He might have buried it so deep, he didn’t even know himself what he wanted.
Which made Jacob worry even more. What if he got a Daddy that was strictly looking for a little boy to spoil? Lucas could be really unhappy if he was made to fit into a role he didn’t want. He glanced around the room. He was pretty sure there weren’t any pangendered littles here, but he needed advice, and he wondered if the therapist he was seeing on Friday could help?
That was actually a good idea. He had no idea whether Lucas’s wants and needs just limited himself to playing with certain toys or if he wanted to go further. Whatever he wanted, Jacob could—
No, you can’t.
Jacob jerked almost as the knowledge he wasn’t going to be here sank in. Lucas’s wishes would take careful and slow exploring by someone who was going to be with him for a long time.
Someone else.
Chapter Fifteen
Three days after the party, Lucas was ostensibly planning some meals but really dying of curiosity because they’d just had a huge delivery, and a pile of boxes was sitting by the door. Then he heard the car in the driveway and gave the kitchen an approving glance a few minutes before Jacob came in. Not that Jacob would have cared what the kitchen looked like. His gorgeous, sexy Daddy had been amazing since the day of the party. Since the disastrous shopping trip where Lucas had safe worded and Lucas thought he would be spending the night on a park bench. The mornings where Daddy helped him get ready were perfect, and the evening bath and movie time were even better.
The only tiny thing was that Daddy still hadn’t let Lucas help him orgasm, and they had never had a proper kiss. One that involved lips and tongues anyway. And it wasn’t for lack of trying on Lucas’s part. He took another look at the large pile of packages that had been delivered an hour ago as he started in surprise at the knock on the door, and he rushed to answer it. He smiled politely at the two men on the doorstep.
“Is Jacob here?” The older man sounded anxious.
“I’m sorry, no.” Lucas tried to place the older man. He definitely reminded him of someone, but he was stuck. He had no idea who they were, and it wasn’t up to him to let people inside Daddy’s house.
“I’m Keith, Jacob’s older brother, and this is my partner, Evan.”
Lucas smiled. Of course. Now Keith had said, the resemblance to Jacob was quite obvious. Lucas stepped back immediately, but surprisingly neither of them took it as an invitation which seemed odd. “I’m expecting him back soon.”
They looked at each other again and nodded. Keith put his hand to Evan’s back to guide him in, and Lucas rushed to take their jackets and brew some more coffee. They all elected to sit at the kitchen table to wait.
“How long have you known my brother?” Keith said curiously after five minutes of polite meaningless exchanges.
Lucas swallowed a mouthful of coffee to give himself the chance to think of something to say. “Not too long,” he deflected after a moment, then breathed a sigh of relief as they all heard another car pull up.
Lucas noticed Evan scoot a little closer to Keith and Keith squeeze his hand, and Lucas was struck once again that something was wrong. A minute later the door swung open and Jacob walked in. His eyes zeroed on Keith immediately. “What are you doing here?” Lucas almost cringed at the furious question.
“I heard you were back in town, and as you won’t answer any of my emails and I think you’ve blocked my number, then I had no other way of seeing you.”
Jacob nodded and stepped away from the door. “Well, you’ve seen me. Now get out.” Evan made a distressed sound in the back of his throat, and Jacob seemed to notice him for the first time.
“This is Evan,” Keith carried on as if Jacob hadn’t just demanded they leave. Evan didn’t put a hand out like he had to Lucas but shrank closer to Keith.
“I didn’t know you had kids,” Jacob said sarcastically, and Lucas gaped. What the hell was wrong with Daddy?