It was the smell of coffee that woke Jacob the next morning, and he smiled lazily, nearly opening one eye to confirm Ben was kneeling on the rug waiting for him to wake him. Of course, the kneeling didn’t last long. The second Jacob so much as stirred, he would have his arms full of a naked squirming boy. Jacob got quite used to drinking cool coffee.
Then he remembered and rolled onto his back, realizing his new houseguest was already awake and obviously downstairs, and for a second utter fury robbed his breath. It isn’t fair.
And it hadn’t been. They’d had a wonderful two years before Ben had gotten his diagnosis, a crippling year of Ben getting sicker every day, and then another two years when there had been many times Jacob wished he had died as well. It had been Jacob who had found the tiny lump under his sac. Ben hadn’t even noticed, but then Ben admitted he’d been having lower back pain and blood occasionally in his urine, and he’d not said anything because he thought it was bruising from their morning spanking routine which they both adored, and Ben was frightened Jacob would stop.
But finally Ben had told him, and then a scan had started the whole nightmare, and the cancer was everywhere. Ben hadn’t lasted even another year.
Jacob forced the lump down in his throat and sat up, glancing at the time on his phone. A little after seven. He’d slept well and felt rested, and suddenly he was curious. He was also ashamed of running out on Lucas last night when they were talking. Surely he could keep his shit together for a few weeks to give the man a break. He was surprised he hadn’t hightailed it back to Terry. Better the devil you know.
It didn’t take Jacob long to grab a quick shower and pull on some jeans and a long-sleeved tee. He ought to give Lucas a proper tour of the house this morning and maybe run to the store. He’d made toast last night because all he had bought yesterday was coffee, bread and some butter.
Plastering on a polite smile, he pushed open the door to the kitchen and came to a shocked halt. Lucas must have found the cleaning stuff in the garage, and he’d already made a good start on the kitchen, but that wasn’t what had brought Jacob to a stop. It was the sight of Lucas’s ass poking out from where he was head-deep in the cupboard under the sink that gave Jacob pause. For a second—a really long second—he couldn’t seem to drag his eyes away, but then he realized what he was doing and cleared his throat.
Lucas jumped and promptly banged his head. “Shit!”
Jacob lunged forward. “Steady,” he scolded gently and covered the edge of the opening with his hand so Lucas didn’t catch his head a second time as he backed out. Lucas collapsed on the floor, wincing. “Hold still,” Jacob cautioned when Lucas would have scrambled to his feet, but he stilled as Jacob bent and fingered the top of Lucas’s head, combing his fingers gently through the strands, checking for bumps.
It took Jacob another minute to realize what he was doing and drop his hands, only to bend and hook Lucas’s arm and help him to his feet. He could see Lucas’s neck was flushed, and he wouldn’t look up. Jacob cursed silently. “I’m sorry. That was inappropriate of me touching you without permission. The aftereffects of being a D—Dom I’m afraid.” Jacob swallowed quite audibly. He’d nearly said Daddy.
Jacob was silent for another moment but then looked up. “It’s okay. It’s true that last night was the first time I’d ever been in a club other than my interview last week, but I knew a guy in college who was training to be a Dom. He told me a lot.”
Jacob nodded, intending to let the subject drop, but then curiosity got the better of him. “Is it something you’ve ever thought about pursuing? Adrian holds an introductory night once a month when nonmembers are allowed to visit. Of course, you wouldn’t have to wait for that as Adrian knows you, but it would mean you weren’t the only new one there.”
Lucas shook his head and went to the coffee machine. “I can’t really spare the cash right now, and I’m not into a lot of pain.”
Jacob wanted to kick himself. It was on the tip of his tongue to argue that he’d gotten the wrong idea, that D/s wasn’t simply about pain. That there were a million other things about the lifestyle that made it… Then he deflated. “Then I’ll stop putting my foot in it and just get some coffee.” Then his brain finally caught up. “Why are you cleaning?”
Lucas looked blankly at him. “I’m pretty sure it’s my job.”
“Not today,” Jacob stressed. “You cut your finger last night and—”
“I found some gloves.” Lucas waved a pack at him, and Jacob stared at the box, a million nightmares rushing in. He’d thought Isaac had taken all the medical stuff with him.
Lucas turned, not seeming to notice. “Coffee’s made. Sugar, right?”
Jacob nodded, shaking his thoughts off, irrationally pleased Lucas had remembered. “I thought I’d give you a proper tour, but I don’t think I need to if you’ve found the cleaning stash.” Jacob smiled so Lucas didn’t think it was another criticism. “I need to go to the store.” He glanced around helplessly. He didn’t cook, but then neither had Ben. They ate out most of the time or had a meal service deliver two or three times a week. They both worked long hours. “I don’t cook that much, and I don’t eat in a lot either. Or not when I was working.”
“Maybe, unless you hate the idea,” Lucas said cautiously. “You’d let me take care of the cooking?” Jacob hesitated, and Lucas shook his head. “Or not. It’s really—”
“No, that would be great,” Jacob interrupted. “I just don’t want to take advantage of you.”
“I love cooking,” Lucas admitted. “So did my mom, and we used to take turns inventing weird recipes.” He shuddered. “Some of them were spectacular, and some of them were spectacularly awful.”
Jacob’s smile was genuine this time. It was clear Lucas and his mom had been really close. “Then yes, please, if you don’t mind. If you want to get a list together, I’ll run to the store.”
“Do you have any allergies or dislikes?”
Jacob shook his head. “I’ll pretty much eat anything.”
“Great,” Lucas said thoughtfully and dragged a piece of paper over. “Any nights you’re out?”
Jacob shook his head. “What about you? Has Adrian said when you’re working?”
Lucas’s face fell, and he looked disappointed. “He didn’t say last night. I thought I might call in and see if he’s there tonight.”
Jacob hesitated, then managed to not say something stupid and put two and two together. He nodded to the phone in the holder fixed to the wall. “Ben used to work at home on a weekend sometimes. And for whatever reason, he preferred a landline. You’re welcome to use it.”
For a moment Jacob wondered what the expression meant on Lucas’s face, and then he realized what he’d said and resisted the urge to take a knife out of the drawer and stab himself with it. “Ben was my husband.” But the words he died stuck in his throat. Lucas nodded and glanced over.
“Thank you. I know the club doesn’t open until six, so I’ll call later.”