She didn’t turn around or argue with him; she just left because there was a small part of her that was scared he might be right.
36
Gabe pressed the number three on the intercom and ordered up a special dinner from Phyllis. He wanted to take Julie out someplace nice. Like Sakura. Maybe it would be good for her. But he didn’t quite trust yet that she wouldn’t call attention and try to get help. Besides, at the moment he also still worried about running into someone from Dmitri’s house. Brian and Mina needed to dismantle their operation and all the people inside his organization. Then Gabe might feel safe to take Julie out into the real world again.
Of course, if they killed everyone in Dmitri’s organization, what further noble excuse would he have to keep Julie prisoner? For the moment, he could still see it as some kind of twisted protective custody. Maybe after Dmitri and his guys were gone, Gabe could convince himself he was keeping her because she was a threat to his house and would put them all in danger. But he wasn’t sure he believed that. Yes, he worried she might still seek help if given an opportunity, but if he let her go—once Dmitri was taken care of—Gabe didn’t really believe she’d go to the police.
Even after one day here, he knew she wouldn’t betray him. She already felt the pull to him. Maybe it was a stupid thing to worry about. The way she was going, she’d be in his collar well before the hit on Dmitri’s house went down. Then there would be nothing to consider.
Now more than ever he regretted not sticking around. He could have dated her. He could have given her a chance. She’d been so innocent. Of course she didn’t know what she wanted. But he’d been afraid he was only seeing what he wanted to see because he wanted her so much. Not every woman was like this. Plenty fantasized occasionally but most didn’t actually want this life.
And those who did tended to have some fucked-up fantasies from a pretty early age. The fact that she’d seemed so innocent made it seem impossible she would want this, that she could want it. But he hadn’t been mistaken in the dungeon. Something had happened down there. And now he was convinced.
If she wasn’t like him, she would have begged and screamed once he got started. Or she would have frozen up in fear. But she wouldn’t have fallen under that almost hypnotic wave. She wouldn’t have surrendered pieces of herself to him. She wouldn’t have trusted him. She shouldn’t have anyway. Kinky or not, after the stuff with Dmitri, Gabe couldn’t imagine how she’d found a space to trust him. But he was grateful for it.
He’d mentally berated himself the entire way down to the dungeons, and Mina’s speech hadn’t helped. He felt like a monster punishing this girl one day after she got here, when he’d told her he’d protect her and keep her safe, but he couldn’t let her get away with things like that.
Gabe crossed to a mirror on the wall and lifted the sleeve of his shirt. A bruise was already forming. The girl could throw. On some level, he had to admit it was pretty funny, even if he was the one who’d gotten hit with it. Mina was right about that much. He didn’t want to kill the thing inside Julie that gave her that kind of bravery. He just didn’t want her using it against him and undermining him in the house.
Gabe sat out on the balcony. The table had been set: a nice white linen tablecloth with a thin white-on-white pinstripe, candles, flowers, Italian food. He stood when Julie stepped outside in a backless black dress like he’d requested. He wanted to see the marks he’d left on her. He’d wanted everyone in the house to see them as well. It was part of why he’d wanted Annette to help her get ready—so she’d have to walk through the house with those marks on display.
She might not be wearing his collar yet, but she was wearing something of his at least.
Gabe pulled her chair out and she sat.
“Gabe?”
“Hmmm?”
“I-is this a date?”
“Yes, this is a date. I asked you to dinner. You said yes. Did you think it was just a friends thing?”
“N-no. But I didn’t know it was a… date.”
“Does that bother you?”
She shrugged. “I already told you… I… I can’t be who you want me to be. I’m not…”
“You’re not what?”
“I can’t happily fall down at your feet and be your slave. Don’t you get that?”
Gabe poured her some wine and pulled the silver lids off the food. “Eat. Before it gets cold.”
She took several bites, as did he, and he started the second interview. “Why can’t you be my slave?”
Julie looked up, startled. “What do you mean why? Do you want the list?”
“Yes. Give me the list. Don’t leave anything out.”
“There’s what happened at Dmitri’s for starters. I don’t know if I can ever get past that and I’m afraid any kind of sexual relationship with a man will be tainted by what happened to me. And that’s not even getting into all the weird shit you’re into.”
Gabe nearly choked on his food and took a sip of wine. It wasn’t that he wasn’t glad she felt so free to be that honest, he was just surprised.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
He smiled. “Fine. Continue your list.”
“Well, I mean… and you don’t like to share, well I don’t like to share either. If I was with you, I don’t know if I could watch you be with other women. Though maybe I could because it might mean less weird stuff for me. I… I can’t wrap my mind around this stuff and don’t think I could...”
Gabe put his fork down and interrupted while she floundered adorably for more words. “Every time I tell you to do something, you do it. It’s like you can’t help yourself. You like obeying me.”
Her face blanched. Maybe a little too much too soon. But it was true. She had to know she was doing it.
“I don’t think… no… I… I don’t know why I do that. I-I’m not usually like that with people.”
Gabe nodded. “And then down in the dungeon. That reaction is not the reaction of a truly vanilla soul, you know.”
She started to cry. Oh shit. He hadn’t meant to make her cry. He’d just wanted her to see that yes, this could work. They could be happy, if she’d give it half a chance and stop second guessing and judging herself.
“I know. Something’s wrong with me. From Dmitri’s. I don’t know what. I don’t… I don’t know why I reacted that way, but it’s got to be something wrong with me. It’s not… it’s not normal. And I don’t think I ever would have… if…”
“You’re not broken. You reacted to me before Dmitri.”
“I know… but not… to… you didn’t hit me!”
“You make it sound like I punched you or threw a dildo at your head.”
Julie laughed. “Sorry. I’m still upset about the cameras. I’m still changing in the bathroom. I don’t want you to… even though you saw in the dungeon...”
Gabe held up a hand to stop her before she tripped all over herself again. “I know. Julie, listen. I never expected something like this to happen. I didn’t think I needed or wanted anything deeper with anyone than what I already had with the girls at the house. Then I met you and I thought I’d do normal with you, and kinky with them. But after months of trying to convince myself otherwise and trying to forget you, I found that was impossible. I can’t lie to myself anymore. I want it all with you. I always thought that if I did have something like that, there would be no question that the woman I was with was a hundred percent into it as well. I didn’t imagine I would pretty much buy someone or that I would rescue-kidnap them. I didn’t think it would be someone who didn’t even know if she was kinky. I want you. I know you wanted me. I think you still want me. And I think you’re far kinkier than you think you are. I’m not sure how to navigate what you’ve gone through, but I can’t pretend that I’m not going to keep trying to win you over to my side.”