She laughs at how I say it, her face lifts slightly and her smile reaches her eyes. “Deal, but make it chocolate, whatever it is.”
“So do you have some sort of a plan for this complicated mess?” I can’t explain my concern, it’s not my problem. Yet, I have this need to know she’s okay.
“I did, before I got pregnant. Now I’m going with denial and prayers to all the Gods I don’t even believe in. So help me stick to that plan and tell me about your complicated.”
Edmond appears right then, placing a bowl of pasta between us and two empty plates so we can share.
“Can I have a beer, man?”
“Make it two.” I raise my eyebrows at Chelsey’s request, but nod to Edmund.
As he walks away, I turn back to her and try to continue the conversation. “I work for Rain, it’s a family business. So I never do the same thing for very long. I’m currently taking orders from your BFF, while he keeps me away from my dad who is in some sort of shit that I don’t understand. My mother drinks, a lot, and when she’s not drinking she’s fighting with my dad. Oh, I’m the son of a gangster, so there is no normal for us. Ever.”
“You can keep my drink. You need it.”
She tops up her water and shoves the beer Edmond placed on the end of the table towards me. It makes me smile. Her sarcasm isn’t lost on me. If I could just erase the fact she has a boyfriend and a baby on the way, she’d be perfect; all I ever wanted.
“I like you, Chelsey.”
I do like her, and I don’t think I can stay away from her.
I shouldn’t have taken her to dinner. I shouldn’t have asked her questions or tried to get to know her. Now, now I’m fucked.
I can’t think of anything else. I cannot focus. My mind drifts to the things she said, the way she seemed so unfazed by her crumbling world. Her resilience and strength is astounding. How she still keeps going every day with that stunning smile on her face shows just how strong she is.
I’ve been told to meet for drinks tonight, but all I can think of is last night’s dinner. My father had better not be there. I am not in the mood for his criticism, but when you are told to show up, you go.
Although caught up in the renovation project I know that bigger things are going on, and that at some point I will go back to that. Late nights and seedy dealings, checking on hookers and shifting drugs is my reality.
This has just been a nice break from it. I have almost forgotten that I do terrible things for a living. I got lost in her and now the reality that it won’t last has settled in as I open the door, letting the noise escape into the street.
The laughter and music are like a drug, they pull you in and roll you around until you don’t know which way is up. Uncles and cousins surround me and I’m hugged and shoulder slapped until I get to the bar, where I am conned into buying a round for everyone.
Scanning the place, my eyes running over all the heads, I don’t see my father, and when my eyes catch Rain sitting with his father and my other two uncles, he shakes his head. He knows who I’m looking for, and he’s not here – thank God.
Immediately I relax, knowing I can enjoy the company of family and friends.
Rain calls me over to the table where all the important men sit. Not a place I’m normally invited to. “Ciao, Zio.” I greet my uncles with the respect that they demand.
The men nod and return my greeting as Rain makes room for me to sit. He was always the chosen one. He was born to be next in line, while I was born to the brother everyone hates and no one trusts. There is always that one asshole in the family – my dad is that one.
“Salvi.” My cousin slaps me on the back. “You have made my wife a very happy lady today. Good job, man.”
His praise is like manna from heaven. I have never been the one to receive praise. The older men all look at me and give me compliments; it’s as if they’d expected me to fail.
“Thanks, Rain. It was good to be in charge of something. I’m enjoying it.”
It’s no lie. I have enjoyed it and I know it won’t be forever, I’ll go back to normal soon.
“Ailee said you took one of the girls out.” Rain sips his water. “Is that why you’re enjoying it?” He’s making fun of me now, but in a good way.
“I went to dinner with Chelsey, but she’s dating someone and is pregnant, so you can stop. I like her, but I don’t think I like anyone that much.”
His expression falls, and I can see the dark cloud that usually precedes one of his outbursts floating over his head.
“You went out with Chelsey?”
I’m sure I just said that, so I nod. She’s his wife’s best friend, and I’m sure she would have told him that too.
“And she told you she’s pregnant?”
Again, I nod my head, raising my eyebrows looking at his glass, wondering if it’s vodka not water, and that the old Rain may be back. “Yes, that’s what I just said. I thought Ailee would have told you all this already?” I find it odd he’s so surprised.
“Rat.” His voice drops an octave and he leans into me. “Leave Chelsey alone, she’s off limits. Do you understand me? You stay far, far away from her.”
That’s the end of the discussion. He picks up his phone and starts typing an angry text.
My uncles pull me into a conversation about soccer and who is going to win the Italian league this season. The three of them all support different teams and the fights are funny to listen to and watch. They are fiercely competitive and yet they are the foundation of an empire that has spanned generations. How it all stays together I do not know.
By the time I stagger out the front door I have overindulged in booze. I’m irrational and thoughts are swimming in my head.
Who does Rain think he is telling me who I can date, she’s not his wife, she’s her best friend – fuck it, fuck him.
Leaning against my car, which I really shouldn’t drive home, I drunk text a woman for the first time in my life.
I can’t stop thinking about you. I don’t care about complicated, I care about you.
The regrets start the minute I click send.
Thank the good Lord above it’s Saturday and I am not working, because I can feel every drink I had last night churning in my stomach. The sound of my father yelling at what sounds like a million decibels rings through the house, waking me from my drunken slumber.
“Fuck.”
I groan out loud as I roll over, making the nausea worse, the bed floats like a boat on the water, making me want to put my feet on the ground. Moving my body is hard, as the regrets of last night weigh it down like there’s a concrete block on my legs.
When I eventually get myself upright and my feet planted on the carpet beneath me, the room sways gently for a few minutes before I stand to go find out what my father is yelling at.
Halfway down the hall I stop, the sound of glass shattering against the wall carrying upstairs. It’s a familiar sound, only it’s usually my mother hurling shit around, not him
“You are my fucking nephew, I’m your elder, show me some respect, Rainieri, or you’ll regret this little witch hunt.”
His deep voice growls, making the air move. The fact that his nephew has more power than him burns my father. He feels as if he has been robbed of something.