She goes quiet and opens the file. I made sure that there is a photograph on the first page, a reality check. My mother holds up my arms above my head, her black eye can be seen if you look, and bruises run down the left side of my ribcage. The right side had been against the wall so it was protected.
My leg is in a cast already and my tiny six-year-old cheeks are stained with tears that leak from my swollen eyes. There was no police report, no child services, or even a record, because my father is a Calligaris. He’s above the law.
Her hand covers her mouth as she stifles her cries.
“I’m going to stay at the house to try and keep you safe, but Chelsey, I think you need to reconsider that ring on your finger. Does he call you Bunny? Chase you until you can’t breathe? Put his fingers around your throat? It’s all fun until he’s high and forgets that you aren’t made of steel. You made a very stupid mistake.” I want her to be scared. I need her to understand what she has done. Maybe if she’s afraid she’ll run, because she should run. “He still hits me, and now he’s using again so things are going to get ugly.”
“He’s not on drugs. Rain said the same thing. I would know.”
“Chelsey, he’s good at hiding things. I bet you didn’t even know his full name until you had his baby in you. Sal is excellent at making people believe things that aren’t true. He was high when I came home the other night. He was high after church and he’s probably high right now. My father has a problem. That, and he’s up to some shady shit with the Russians that will probably get him killed.”
“You know what, Rat, you are just jealous that it’s him and not you.” She closes the file without even moving off the photo in the front. “Get over it. I’m marrying Sal. I’m going to be your step-mommy and I would like a little respect. I don’t need to be your best friend, but trying to chase me away isn’t fair. This baby needs a family and that’s all I’m trying to do. So, fuck you.”
“Your choice, Chelsey. But when, not if, it all turns to shit, remember I told you so. Everyone told you so.”
We pull up outside the house and I snatch the folder back from her. She’s running up the front steps before I get it back in my bag.
Sal isn’t home. He’s in a panic over this morning’s meeting and I have a feeling he won’t be here until very late tonight. She will have some time alone to think about it.
Sixteen
Dark Ash Blonde
CHELSEY
That picture is burned into my eyelids, and every time I close them I see little Rat, naked, bruised and bleeding. I understand him now, his cautious nature and the way he speaks about family.
They broke him, ruined his spirit, but that doesn’t mean what he said is true. I don’t want it to be true, I need it to be a jealous lie. I sniff and wipe my nose.
The house is so quiet. He left ages ago and Sal hasn’t come home. The need to just run is present. Maybe I should go home to check on my sisters. Maybe I should stay there tonight. But, Sal said I should come here and wait for him.
I take a shower and put on my pj’s. There is dinner in the refrigerator with my name on it, so I warm it up and eat alone in the big kitchen. My feet hurt and I have a headache from crying.
After washing my plate and cleaning the sink, I go upstairs and curl under the covers in Sal’s bed. I don’t stay awake long. The baby sucks the life from me every day, and I am exhausted.
The bang of a door wakes me up and I glance over to the clock on Sal’s side of the bed. It’s 01h02 in the morning.
He’s not in bed, that must be him.
I sit up and try to tame my bed-hair into a topknot, fix my tank top because my ever growing boobs keep escaping it, before I step onto the hardwood to go and greet him. Butterflies, nerves, and unease after today, fly around in my stomach making me feel queasy and lightheaded.
At the bottom of the stairs I look around to see where he went. My heart sinks, I can hear the thud as it hits a new low. Sal isn’t home, Rat is and he has company. More precisely he has her slammed up against the door where he is peeling away her clothes and sucking her face off.
I turn around and jog back up to my little safe place upstairs, and try my damnedest not to cry. This is so stupid. Why do I feel like he’s cheating on me? I’m engaged to his father, get it together. It must be hormones, or my stupid heart, but fuck it I’m being ridiculous.
I text Sal. It’s late, and I know they work odd hours but I usually hear from him at least.
In bed missing you <3 How long are you going to be?
The desolation of being here alone is making me crazy. I strain my ears to eavesdrop on what Rat is doing, trying to discern where they are in this enormous house.
I scroll through my phone and check to see if Sal read my message. It’s read, but there’s no reply. I check Facebook, Twitter, and stalk Rat on all of them before I fall asleep with the phone in my hand.
Morning comes too quickly and my alarm wakes me up, alone. My throat feels thick when a wave of uncontrollable crying overtakes me on the way to the bathroom. The shower drowns my loud sobbing while I sit on the floor under the spray and weep.
I have no reason to be crying. I know that, but can’t stop. Fucking hormones. When I eventually pull myself together and get out of the shower, I am confronted by my ‘new’ body in the mirror and the tears are replaced with embarrassment and shame. I get dressed quickly in the other room where there isn’t a full length mirror around.
There is just enough time to grab a cup of tea – just the thought makes me gag – and some cereal before I go to work. My black ballet flats are quiet down the wooden stairs as I rush around like a mad person. I am somehow always almost late.
My stomach grumbles with hunger and probably morning sickness, but hopefully just hunger. The puking has subsided a little over the past fortnight. Rounding the corner into the kitchen I run smack into the girl from the door last night, nearly fall on my ass, and grab my boob that got mashed in the collision.
“Shit, sorry,” I mutter, trying to get air in my lungs past the winded sensation.
“Are you okay?” Rat appears from nowhere, checking on me.
“I’m fine,” I growl, holding my chest and shoving my way past both of them to the kettle, fill it up and turn it on.
I loathe tea, but this no coffee shit is killing me so I’m trying to make it work. They both look at me, and then thankfully leave the room. Rat walks behind her, his hands on her hips and his dick grinding against her ass. I want to throw my teacup at his head, but restrain myself.
Shoveling some Captain Crunch down my gullet I page through the newspaper which is on the table, it’s open on a story about a body found on the shore. Instantly off my breakfast I dump it and leave.
It takes a little longer to get to work from here.
The stairs up to the new salon kill me. The energy I had mustered is all gone by the time I get to the top.
Alistair’s morning chirpiness is annoying and inappropriate for the way I feel. I just snarl at him and stalk off to the staffroom. I growled at a coworker. I have reached a new low in my life, but in the staffroom I am quickly distracted and sucked into the day’s gossip and chatter. The shiny news of my engagement is yesterday’s headline and I’m glad for it.