Her mouth falls open and a gasp escapes. “I didn’t. I swear I didn’t know. I never asked for your name. You are just Rat. That’s what they call you. I swear …”
“Don’t swear, because I don’t believe you. I even told myself I was willing to overlook the fact that you were knocked up, that it wasn’t mine. I could deal with it, maybe even embrace it if you just showed me you felt like I did. And I know you know how I felt. I didn’t hide it from you. So don’t swear, don’t say anything.”
I step right up to her, reach over her shoulder and close the door. Forcing her against it, my body pushed up against hers, I finally do what I’ve wanted to do since I first saw her. I kiss her, with every ounce of anger, lust, and hatred I’m feeling. I kiss it all into her, and she kisses me back, breaking my stupid heart.
There is a knock at the door.
“Rat, open.”
It’s Rain.
I pull away from her and we just look at each other as I open the door. Rain pushes it slightly back so no one can see in.
“Did you say what you had to?” he asks me.
“Yes.” I still glare at her.
“Good. You,” and he points at her, “get out and don’t say a fucking word. You act like you went to the toilet.”
She scurries out of the room like she can’t wait to escape me.
“You, go wipe her lipstick off your fucking face, you idiot. Then come join us outside. Don’t do this to yourself, she’s not worth it.”
But she is. That kiss was all I needed to know she is.
All afternoon I sneak glances her way while avoiding the happy couple completely. There was one awkward moment when my father rapidly introduced us – I died a little inside.
I join my other cousins at the opposite side of the table for lunch, putting as much space as I can between us. The conversation on our side is light and fun, but over there it is strained, awkward and tense.
When the table is cleared and the ladies bring trays of espresso out for everyone, and the kids have been banished to watch cartoons and play, my father stands up, clears his throat and calls for attention.
Her eyes get big and I see her embarrassment and shame.
“I have something I want to say.”
His eyes are a little glassy, he’s high, the fucker.
“You have all met Chelsey today, and I know it’s only a week since you heard about my divorce. She is carrying my child and it feels wrong not to …”
Oh, fucking hell, no, he’s not. I can’t do this.
My chair is already flying backwards as he falls to one knee. I’m not having any part of this. I back away, into the kitchen, as I hear him say it.
“Will you marry me?”
No! Say no, please say no.
I watch from the kitchen window as she clutches her chest and tears roll down her cheeks. She smiles and nods her head over and over. He slides a ring onto her finger and makes her his, which means she can never be mine.
Nonna hands me a glass with grappa in it and silently stands by as I let my anger come in waves.
“She won’t marry him. Don’t worry.”
It’s all she says before I walk out the front door and leave. I take Rain’s advice and go stay at Vick’s.
I have no home to go to.
Fourteen
Harvest Gold Blonde
CHELSEY
Sometimes things just happen. You can’t stop them from happening, they just do. When I saw his face, when the penny dropped, it was like a bad dream, and then he kissed me and I knew I had made a mistake.
And then Sal shoved his ring on my finger before I could actually answer, making it impossible to say no. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t get it to come out. And just like that I was engaged and Rat was gone.
This morning everyone at the Salon is fawning over the giant diamond and wanting the details, except Ailee. She gives me a look that means we’ll be having a talk about this later. My child’s future is secured and that’s what’s important. He, or she, will have a family.
I know Rain and Ailee don’t approve, but it’s not their lives or their child. The minute I fell pregnant, my needs and wants fell away. Even if I did want Rat, it doesn’t matter now. I shouldn’t even be thinking that. I should be happy, but he kissed me and poisoned me with regret.
“Ooh, shiny,” Alistair says, holding my hand so he can inspect the ring up close.
He is already obsessing over wedding plans and how fat my ass will be by then. I haven’t thought about weddings and dates; my mind is still stuck on the fact that I’m carrying Rat’s brother or sister in my belly. I’m going to be his stepmother. He is older than me, and it makes me feel uncomfortable just thinking it.
“So have you set a date, oh, what about a venue?” Cleo and Star hover with questions I can’t answer.
“It just happened yesterday. We haven’t thought about any of that … well, I haven’t.” I’m almost certain Sal has a plan. “I don’t know what Sal wants to do.”
I pull my hand away and stalk off to my station. I have a client in twenty minutes. I wish to god she’d arrive early so I can avoid my coworkers and the inevitable chat with Ailee.
The new upstairs is for us hairdressers, and Ailee has set up downstairs for nails, tanning, waxing, and a makeup service. It’s been fun, and also strange getting to know new people. We are so close and they don’t all fit with us. It’s very much us up here and them down there, for now.
After the shuffle Romi is now at the station right next to me, and I’m glad about it. He is the least irritating of my coworkers, he minds his own business.
“That all happened really fast.” He points to my finger as I sit and wait.
“I know, I am still processing it.” I spin on the chair, looking out the window.
Rat chose this spot for me, he said it had a view.
“Don’t look now, but crazy Dawn is your next client.” He snickers and moves over a little.
Dawn is that client, the one no one likes, the one who ends up with whoever isn’t busy on the day.
“Ugh, are you shitting me?” I can think of nothing worse than chatting to her for an hour. “I will literally pay you to take her.”
“No can do. I have a color in twenty minutes.” He tidies his counter.
“Alistair is getting his ass kicked for this,” I say before she gets too close and hears me. “Hi, Dawn, how are you today? Take a seat.”
I fake the friendliest greeting I can manage without coffee. This pregnant list of ‘can’t haves’ is killing me. It may end up killing someone else too. I need coffee.
Two hours of Dawn telling me about the best wedding vendors and I am ready to slit my wrists with my scissors. She, it turns out, has four daughters that all got married in the last eighteen months. Those poor, poor girls.
I have a gents cut booked right after her. Since the barber closed down we seem to have gained all their clientele. I’m not prepared for who I get after Dawn, and when Rain sits down in my chair without a word, I know I’m in shit.
Romi disappears very quickly, leaving us alone in the corner of the salon.