“I love you, Ryan.”
He nodded, and she knew he wanted her to say that she trusted him—that she would trust him no matter what. She wanted to. But she wasn’t sure she could promise him that.
~ ~ ~
“Okay,” said Smoke. “So, you guys got engaged when he came to San Francisco. What went wrong?”
Leanne sighed. “It turned out that all those women who claimed that they’d been with him weren’t lying after all.”
Smoke frowned. “How do you know that? I mean, how do you know for certain? You said that he and his boss had both warned you that people might mess with your head. Why do you think it wasn’t just that?”
She made a face at him and then looked at Laura.
Laura blew out a sigh. “It’s one thing not to believe what people tell you. It’s another thing not to believe what you see with your own eyes, right, Lee?”
Leanne blinked. She couldn’t believe she had tears in her eyes. She swiped at them angrily. “Jesus! What’s wrong with me? I gave up crying over that bastard years ago.”
“You might have given up crying over him, but it looks to me like you didn’t stop caring.”
“Of course, I stopped caring!” she snapped. “Sorry, Smoke. That wasn’t aimed at you. Not really. I’m angry at myself for getting like this.” She wiped at her eyes again. “I made myself stop caring. I admit that he broke my heart, but no way was I going to let him break me.”
“You’re tougher than that, right?” asked Smoke.
“Sure am.”
He smiled. “I know that feeling. I was tougher than all the shit I went through. But being tough doesn’t mean the same as being hard. I was tough, but I wasn’t hard enough to keep my family out forever. I wasn’t hard enough to stop myself from falling in love.” He smiled at Laura and then turned back to Leanne. “That was my problem with you. I thought you were hard. You’re tough, but you’re not hard; not really.”
She sucked in a deep breath and put her shoulders back. She had to be tough—had to be hard.
To her surprise, Smoke laughed. “Yeah. That. Exactly that. Chin up, tits … err, chest out. That’s the front. But it’s not real, is it? It’s just a hard shell.”
She blew out a sigh. “Yeah, and it usually works.” She gave Laura a rueful smile. “Doesn’t it?”
“It does. On most people. It didn’t work on me. It won’t work on Smoke now that he wants to see the real you, but it worked pretty well when he wanted to see you as … that way.”
Leanne laughed. “It’s okay. You can say it. We all know what you’re thinking. He saw me as a cold, hard bitch because I trained myself to be one.”
Smoke nodded. “Yeah. But I think you made a mistake doing that. Just like I made a mistake shutting everyone out.”
“You might have. You had a whole family who loved you. You needed to let them back in. I don’t have that. Ryan … he became that for me. He became family to me—all the family I had. And then …”
“Then what?” asked Smoke. “What was it that you saw with your own two eyes? I may as well admit that Ryan told me himself that you believed lies about him—that whatever it was wasn’t true.”
“See, that just pisses me off. And it confirms for me that he is an asshole. There’s no need for him to lie to you. He could be honest with you, if he weren’t such an asshole.”
“Maybe he’s not lying? What if he were telling the truth?”
Leanne stared at him. What if he were? What if, by some miracle, Ryan really was the guy she’d believed him to be? No. She couldn’t let herself go there. That would mean thinking about the life that they’d lost—and maybe even considering a future that could still be. “He isn’t.”
“Okay. It’s obvious you believe that. So, tell me what went down.”
She nodded and drained the rest of her coffee.
Laura poured her a fresh one and brought her a box of tissues. Leanne gave a sad laugh. “Thanks, girlfriend.” She turned to Smoke. “Laura’s heard it before. She knows it gets messy.”
Smoke nodded. “I’m hoping that this time it gets resolved.”
“Not much chance of that.”
Chapter Eighteen
Ryan’s phone rang as he and Manny were leaving the Boathouse. He pulled it out and checked the display.
“I’ll let you get that,” said Manny. “And remember. If you don’t come out tonight, I’m coming to get you—and bringing Nina to make sure you come.”
Ryan smiled. “You still play dirty. But don’t go yet. This is Callahan.”
Manny raised his eyebrows. “Damn. I haven’t spoken to him in years. Answer it.”
Ryan grinned as he answered. “Yes, boss?”
Callahan laughed. “Glad to see you still remember who is.”
“How could I ever forget? What’s up?”
“Nothing much. If you want to know the truth, I’m bored. I was thinking about taking a trip.”
Ryan’s heart raced, wondering if he meant a work kind of trip—an assignment. Ryan had been out for six months now and he had no plans of going back in. But if Callahan said he needed him, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to refuse.
Callahan’s laugh rang down the line. “Don’t worry. I mean it innocently. I mean a real trip, like maybe visiting this lake you moved to. I heard Manny’s there, too?”
Ryan laughed. “He is. In fact, he’s right here.” He handed the phone to Manny.
“Cal! How are you, you old devil?”
Ryan smiled to himself as he listened to them talk for a few minutes, then Manny handed the phone back.
“That sealed it. I’m going to head out your way … unless you don’t want me around?”
“You know I do.” Ryan smiled as a thought struck him. “Are you talking about a quick visit or …?”
“I’m thinking about the or option. I knew you were working with Dan Benson now you were out. I wouldn’t have asked if you wanted a dinosaur on board with you younger guys. But if Manny’s on the team …”
Ryan laughed. “You want in, too?”
“Possibly? Just as a part-time whatever you guys might need me as. I can’t face another Minnesota winter. California sounds good, even if you and Dan don’t want me.”
“Yeah. Winter’s much easier here than your frozen north. I love the idea of bringing you in. And I’m sure Dan will.” Ryan winked at Manny. “If nothing else, you old codgers can sit in the corner and reminisce about old times.”
Manny rolled his eyes, and Callahan’s laughter rang down the line. “Yeah, right. Listen. I won’t keep you since you’re with Manny, but I’ll give you a call when I put a plan together.”
“I’ll look forward to it.”