Ryan felt dumb.
“Come on.”
“Hey, guys!” Kenzie greeted them with a smile. “What can I get you?”
“Another round for the table, if you would,” said Manny.
“Your server …” Kenzie began, but stopped with a smile. “Sorry. You’d think I’d have learned by now that you do that when you want to escape the table for a few.” She glanced over at the others. “What’s going on over there?”
Ryan had to smile. Kenzie was a tough cookie, and smart, too, but she obviously hadn’t picked up on what was going on tonight.
Manny shook his head. “It’s business as usual over there.” He tilted his head toward Leanne who was standing with her back to him.
“Ah!” Kenzie’s eyes grew wide as she looked at Ryan. “You … You two used to …” She glanced at Leanne and the guy with her, then raised her eyebrows. “This isn’t trouble, is it?”
“No.” He wouldn’t make trouble here. Hell, he hadn’t made any trouble outside of work in years. He looked at Leanne’s back. She still had the greatest ass, even though that was the last thing he should be thinking about.
He remembered how they’d parted yesterday. She was still angry with him. That gave him pause. Was her reason for being angry the same as his? Dan had pointed out that if he didn’t still care, it wouldn’t matter to him. Was that the case for her, too? He looked at Manny, then at Kenzie. They were both waiting to see if he’d make a move. What the fuck, now or never.
He put his hand on her shoulder and closed his eyes as an electric shock shot up his arm. He was gratified to see her bare skin break out in goose bumps even before he spoke. She knew it was him. The way she didn’t immediately turn around proved it.
He moved closer and spoke next to her ear. “Hey, Lee. I didn’t know you were going to be here tonight. Could I have a word?”
She spun around to face him, her eyes flashing, she opened her mouth and he just knew she was about to bitch him out, but she looked at Manny and stopped short.
“Hi, Leanne.”
Her smile looked pained. “Manny.”
The guy came to stand beside her. He didn’t touch her, thank God. But he still gave off that same protective vibe. Ryan’s fingernails drew blood in his palms. Manny was right, though. The guy wasn’t an issue. Not really.
Leanne finally met his gaze, but she didn’t speak. When he looked into those big, blue eyes, what he saw shocked him. He’d expected to see anger but what he saw there was pain. Pain that he’d caused. No, he hadn’t done what she believed. But he had determinedly carved himself a place in her heart—a place that she hadn’t wanted to give him, but that he’d taken anyway.
The silence seemed to be going on forever. He raised an eyebrow.
“What?” she spat the word at him.
“A word? … In private.” He gestured for her to walk ahead of him and was stunned when she went.
He hurried after her as she made her way out to the back deck. “What do you want, Ryan?” she asked without stopping.
He waited until they were outside. He didn’t know yet what he was going to say, but he wanted to be alone with her when he said it.
She went all the way around the corner before she stopped suddenly and turned to face him. “Well? What do you want?”
“You.” He stepped toward her, and she stepped back.
Her eyes widened in surprise. “What?!”
“You heard me, Lee. I want you. I’ve always wanted you. You’re mine. I’m yours. That never changed.”
Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times as she stared back at him.
His heart hammered in his chest when he saw her eyes fill with tears, but she didn’t allow them to fall.
“You’ve got to be kidding me?”
“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”
That familiar little crease appeared in her brow. “Damn, you, Ryan! Why? Why do this to me? We both know what you did. I can’t even …” She shook her head. “How can you say that you’re mine after that? How could you think that I would ever want to be yours?”
He caught hold of her wrist. It was a risky move, and he knew it, but he had to try. He tugged on it gently, needing her to take just one step toward him. She froze and looked up into his eyes. Hers were wide with something that looked a lot like fear, but she didn’t pull away.
“What are you afraid of, Lee?”
She shook her head but didn’t speak.
“I didn’t do it, you know.”
She closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. “Please don’t. Don’t say that; don’t go there. We proved yesterday that there’s no point going there.”
“Okay. I’ll drop it, for now. But I’m going to prove it to you.”
She shook her head sadly. “Honestly, Ryan. I wish you could. But we both know you can’t.”
His heart leaped in his chest. “Why do you wish I could?”
She met his gaze but didn’t speak.
“If I could prove it to you …”
“You can’t!”
“If I could …” He was still holding her wrist. She hadn’t pulled away yet. He tugged gently and she took a step toward him. His heart clenched in his chest. It probably meant nothing in her mind, but in his, it was the sign that he’d needed. He looked deep into her eyes. “You asked how I could think that you’d ever want to be mine again. I’ll tell you. You still want to be mine because in my arms is the only place you’ve ever belonged. By my side is the only place you’ve ever felt safe. You want to hate me. You say you hate me, but you don’t. You miss me. You’ve missed me all these years, just like I’ve missed you.”
Her face softened as he spoke. For a moment, he thought that she was going to admit it. But she pulled herself up, stood up straight, chin up, shoulders back … he couldn’t let his attention drop to her breasts, not now. “I’m not a liar. You could be right. But you’re also the only person on earth who knows, who truly understands why I can’t let any of that matter.”
He nodded sadly. That was the worst of it. He was the only one she’d given her trust to. And, as far as she was concerned, he’d broken it. “It does matter, though, doesn’t it? All of it.”
She shook her head. “It can’t.”
“You said you’re not a liar. Tell me you don’t want me.” Her eyes widened, but he didn’t mean sexually, at least, not just that. “Tell me you don’t want me, in your life, in your bed … in your heart.”
Her eyes shimmered with tears as she looked up at him. She opened her mouth to speak. But no words came.
He tugged her wrist, and she came closer. He put his hands on her hips and drew her to him. His senses filled up with the feel, the scent, the memory of her. He sank his fingers into her long, silky hair, cupping the back of her neck. Her arms came up around his shoulders and he was lost. He claimed her mouth savagely, and she kissed him back more like an adversary than a lover. His hands moved over her; her body so familiar as he crushed her to his chest. He was lost in her and wondering how he’d survived this long without her when she suddenly put her hands in the middle of his chest and pushed him away.