I’d seen many sides to Ethan, but this maniacal look on his face was something entirely new. I had never before seen him this angry—this enraged. For the first time, I felt genuinely afraid for my life. Fear slithered over my skin until an all-consuming calamity of terror began pounding in my skull.
“Ethan,” I tried to plead again, my voice barely a whisper.
“Take your clothes off.”
“It doesn’t have to be like this.”
“Having a baby was supposed to be the beginning of our future. You sabotaged that. Don’t you love me, Gia?”
“Of course, I love you,” I lied.
“Then prove it! Take off your clothes. I won’t ask you again.”
With shaking fingers, I began to unfasten the buttons of my silk blouse. Once the blouse fell open, Ethan took the knife and slipped it under the silky edge near my shoulder. Using the blade to push the material from my body, the blouse fell to the floor. Not bothering to wait for me to take off my jeans, he impatiently unzipped them himself and shoved them roughly down my legs. Too afraid to do anything other than comply, I stepped out of them.
Tears spilled down my cheeks, but he was completely immune. He pushed my panties down my thighs next, then unfastened the clasp of my bra. He didn’t skip a beat, even when I whimpered from the violation that came from being so exposed. I could see the vein in his neck throbbing as he appraised my naked body. Even though he had seen me bare more times than I could count, his hungry, savage stare felt different this time.
“Turn around and bend over the counter,” he said gruffly. I hesitated, not wanting to lose sight of him for a single minute. I would rather he told me to drop to my knees and suck him off than turn my back on him.
“Ethan, please. Don’t do this.”
He smiled, the curve of his lips a gleeful sneer as he traced the blade of the knife over my collar bone. I gasped as he slipped it down ever so slowly to my right breast. My nipple pebbled under the cold metal. His grin widened with delight as if he thought I was turned on, rather than experiencing a natural reaction to the cold against my bare skin. My stomach turned, and I had to fight a wave of nausea. After briefly tracing the tip of the knife over my nipple, he continued down. To my horror, he slid the blade against the most intimate part of my body. Although I wasn’t a religious person, I found myself praying to anything or anyone who would listen.
Please…save me from this monster.
“I’m not going to tell you to turn around again,” he warned.
I choked on a sob and did as he wanted. Terrified any sudden movement would inadvertently mutilate me, I slowly turned around and bent at the waist until my torso was pressed against the cool marble kitchen counter. I heard the clanging of his belt buckle, then the thud of his pants as they hit the floor. He grabbed a fistful of my hair once more and turned my head to the side. His free hand brought the knife down on the counter, his fingers still wrapped around the hilt, placing it directly in my line of sight, so I didn’t forget it was there.
“I hold all the cards, Gia. It’s about time you remembered that. I’ve warned you to behave far too many times. I don’t like to hurt you but you don’t know how to just fucking listen to me. Or maybe that’s why you don’t listen. Does my girl like it when I hurt her?”
“No,” I whispered, unable to take my eyes off the razor-sharp edge of the blade mere inches from my face.
“No, what?” He yanked hard on my hair, pulling my head back before slamming it down against the counter. A sob rattled in my chest as I tried to bite back my tears.
“N-no! I-I don’t like it when you hurt me!” I stammered.
“Hmmm… I have a hard time believing that. I think you like pain. Have you ever been fucked in the ass, Gia?” He pushed forward, and I felt his erection press hard against the place no man had ever been. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t get pregnant this way—he didn’t give a flying shit about that—it was all about control, and this was a power play. I tasted my own fear sliding down my throat. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t dare. Instead, I began to beg.
“Ethan, please. No. Don’t do this. You can’t. I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”
“I don’t believe that. You know why? You broke the trust, Gia. You thought you could outsmart me with those pills. For all I know, you have a plan to leave me too. Well, I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen. Like I said, I’ll get you pregnant one way or another. You won’t be able to leave me then. And if you try, well… I guess I’ll just have to kill you.”
He pressed forward, seeking the pathway to satiate his lustful desires. His arousal was thick when he met his mark. The sting of him trying to force his way inside triggered a fight-or-flight response.
No. No, no, no!
I couldn’t think beyond my current situation. All the reasons why I had delayed leaving him fell to the wayside. All that mattered was stopping this from happening. I couldn’t allow him to violate me in the worst, most demeaning way. My mind raced with ways to escape.
With every ounce of strength I possessed, I brought my elbow back to meet his face. I heard a faint crunch but I didn’t think I did much damage. The plan wasn’t to take him out but buy a few precious seconds to get away. I hadn’t fought back since the day he first hit me, so when his hold on me slackened, and the knife went clanging to the floor, I knew my action caught him by surprise.
It was all I needed.
I wrenched myself free from his grasp and kicked the knife across to the other side of the kitchen. However, my actions weren’t fast enough.
“You fucking, bitch!” he roared, his fury seeming to make the walls quake. The monster from my hell had lost all restraint. Grabbing hold of my hair, another favorite method of subduing me, he ripped back with such a force my naked body was sent sprawling to the floor. In an instant, he was on my back.
I screamed as loud as I could. The house was secluded, shrouded by tall pines, our nearest neighbor an eighth of a mile down the road. Nobody would hear me, yet a small part of me desperately clung to the hope, maybe a passing car or a random person walking their dog might hear my cries. I continued to scream and struggled to get him off my back, only to be silenced when his hands wrapped around my throat.
“Stop!” I squeaked, fighting for air as he squeezed tighter and tighter. Air. I needed air. “E…Eth…Ethan, I can’t…”
This was it. Surely, he was going to kill me this time.
He began to laugh as if my grappling and begging pleas were an aphrodisiac to his madness. I clawed at his hands, to no avail. He was too strong. I was helpless as he tried to penetrate my resistant barriers.
“Fuck, Gia! Stay still!” he cursed, squeezing my throat so tight stars dotted my vision. I was afraid I might pass out—but Ethan wasn’t that kind. Pressing his lips close to my ear, he whispered, “For he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer.”
I didn’t have time to question why he was quoting bible scripture yet again. With one ruthless thrust, he invaded the virgin space of my body.
The pain knocked the wind out of me, silencing the weak cries falling from my lips. He repeatedly shoved himself inside the dry, unprepared space, quenching his demonic pleasures. All sense of time ceased to exist. I kept waiting for the pain to stop but it seemed endless. The only thing I could do was lie still and wait for him to tap himself dry.