“But why are you telling me this now?”
“You’re trying so hard to put your life back together. I didn’t know if telling you would only make things harder for you. But no. You love him, and you have a right to see the whole picture.”
June explained that his father had coasted through a life of privilege and entitlement on his family’s money and good name. He was hardly a father to Colin. It was his grandmother, Grace Song, who had raised him.
But as he grew older, Colin was desperate to make his name and succeed on his own outside the shadow of Hansol. He didn’t want to be anything like his father. In order to become a self-made man, he closely guarded his identity from the public. He refused to benefit from his connections. But in order to stand on his own, he had to disappoint his grandmother and refuse to join Hansol.
“I know this doesn’t excuse him from not telling you he was Garrett Song’s cousin, but everything in him must have rebelled against revealing his secret. He didn’t even know if he could trust you to keep his identity a secret, so he had gone with his default. Just like in any situation, he would have wanted to be judged based on the merits rather than his connections and his family name.”
Jihae didn’t need to hear this right now. She didn’t want to know that he was an honest, honorable man. That he had to bear the guilt of disappointing the person who’d raised him to be true to himself. When the opportunity arose to allow him to help his family, how could he refuse? No. She couldn’t do this right now. She couldn’t feel her heart wrench for the little boy Colin was, and for the man he became. She didn’t want to feel the tears streaking down her cheeks.
“I’m not telling you this to hurt you, Jihae. You are fierce and amazing, and I’m so proud of you. But I don’t want you to have any regrets. His motivations don’t make his actions right, but maybe it’ll help you look at what happened in a less punishing light. Maybe it’ll help you hurt less to know that what he did wasn’t a coldhearted scheme.”
Jihae abruptly stood from her seat, and wiped her tears away with both hands. “June, thank you for rushing here to tell me all this. You’re a good friend, and I love you for it.”
“But?”
“But I’m going to kick you out now because I have a premiere to get ready for and I don’t want my face to be a swollen mess. I can’t deal with this right now.”
“You know he’ll be there tonight.”
“Of course, I know. All the more reason I can’t show up with puffy, red eyes. I don’t want him to think that I’m still crying over him. Let me keep a scrap of dignity in all this. I won’t have to see him ever again after this.”
“That. I just needed to make sure that was what you still wanted after learning the full story.” June gathered her jacket and got on her feet. “I think my work here is done, and I will bid you adieu.”
“Thank you, June.”
“Have a wonderful night. You earned this, and Best Placed Bets is going to blow everyone away.”
After one last hug, June left Jihae to her thoughts. But she kept her mind carefully blank even as her heart pumped and churned inside her, water raining down from her heart as the ice around it melted.
* * *
Jihae arrived near the end of the line for the red carpet. The stylist had chastised her repeatedly for her tears, and it had taken ages to make her look presentable. When she stepped out of the car, flash bulbs burst around her, and she gave them her real smile, rather than her signature Princess Jihae half smile. Despite everything, she was proud to be there, and proud of the film she’d produced.
She heard the expected chatter over the color of her dress and her free-flowing hair. Even her makeup was warm and stormy, unlike her former icy, elegant looks. Appearing before the public as herself was incredible. It freed something inside her. The insecurities and resentment she carried deep within unchained themselves and flew away. She was here as her own person, and she was fiercely proud of who she was.
She stopped and smiled for the cameras for what seemed like the hundredth time when she heard a commotion behind her. From her perch on the stairs, she saw a small group of people walking toward her and the crowd parted like red curtains to allow them through. At that moment, she spotted the tall, broad-shouldered man wearing a velvet, royal blue tuxedo. She thought anyone would have been able to single him out of the crowd, even the Hollywood red-carpet crowd.
He looked exquisitely handsome with his slightly unruly hair slicked back from his forehead. He was even thinner than when she’d last seen him, but he looked sharp and sophisticated...and full of determination. Colin had always been a confident man with an air of authority about him even as his usual, lighthearted self. But the man who stood on the carpet looked like he was ready to take on the world, exuding power from every part of him.
When he came to stand at the bottom of the short staircase, Jihae realized she’d been holding her breath. She let it out in a rush and stretched out her hand to steady herself on the rail.
“Jihae.” His voice was low and tense, but hearing her name from his lips sent a thrill down her spine. “You look so beautiful.”
“Colin, what are you doing?” she said, glancing around at the gathering crowd.
“I just wanted you to know how much I love you.” His voice broke. “I know I’ve hurt you—so much—because of my guilty conscience and hang-ups. I’ve betrayed—”
“Stop that.” Jihae rushed down the steps and tugged him to the side until they were a few feet away from the red carpet. It didn’t exactly give them privacy, but the reporters had now turned to the next celebrity walking down the carpet.
“I’ve betrayed your trust,” he continued as though there was no interruption. “I’ve invaded your privacy by eavesdropping on you. And most of all, I should’ve believed in you and trusted you with my truth.”
“Colin, we’re done. You’ve apologized already and I’ve declined to accept.” She tried to sound aloof and disinterested, but her voice shook.
The thought of him as a little boy without a father he could look up to, and of him as a young man, disappointing the woman who raised him to become the man he was today... It tore at her heart.
“I love you so much and I was so afraid of losing you that I was slowly losing my mind. I fooled myself into thinking that I could let you go when the time came. I tried to convince myself that what we had was a brief affair and no one would get hurt. I told myself to cherish every day with you because it was bound to end. That telling you the truth was only bound to hurt you.”
His confession made her realize how she had tried to fool herself in the same way. She’d told herself she could keep herself from falling in love with him. She had always planned on leaving him. Foolishly believed that she would be able to leave him. She lied to herself to protect her heart, but Colin had still given his heart to her. He had loved her all along, and had fought with the fear and guilt inside him.