“You actually spied on me? You listened in on a conversation I was having with my father? Which conversation was this? Since you discovered I didn’t know who Yami Corp. was then...that was my first conversation with my father about Yami and the whole mess. That was the night we first made love.” She gasped and speared him with a look of such accusation and heartbreak that he had to look away. “Did you make love to me—have this relationship with me—to earn my trust? Was all this your way of using me to get information out of me? Or was it your plan to break my heart all along? To avenge your precious family?”
“Jihae, no. God, no.” He took a step toward her and she flinched, turning her head away as though his proximity would hurt her. He stopped. “I made love to you because I couldn’t hold back anymore. No matter how hard I fought it, I wanted you more than my next breath. Not being with you would have burned me into ashes.”
“So the part where you had sex with me was just to satiate your lust then.”
“No. Please. I knew in the depths of my soul that you were innocent, and by relaying Sylvia Taylor’s move to Hansol’s PI, my involvement in the investigation was over. I didn’t know then, but I was already so deeply in love with you. I fooled myself into thinking that I would be happy with whatever you gave me. I didn’t deserve forever with you, but I thought we could have a short time together without you getting hurt. I was an idiot and none of it makes sense now.”
“No, it doesn’t. You were selfish, and you were cowardly.”
“I was, but I will make it up to you if you would only give me a chance. I will become the man you deserve. I love you with every cell in my body—more than life itself. I’d made up my mind to tell you, but I was waiting for the right time. Again, that was my cowardice. But I wanted to tell you everything and beg for your forgiveness. I never meant to hurt you. Please give me another chance.”
“You broke my heart, Colin. I have no forgiveness or hope left in me, because you ruined me. You stole my chance to choose you, and I’ll never forgive you for that.”
“I love you, Jihae. I’ll never stop loving you.”
Even if she didn’t believe him, he had to try to convince her that she was loved and cherished by a foolish man. A fool’s love was still love, and he hoped that it could provide her with a little salve for her pain. Colin got down on his knees in front of her, pulled out the ring from his pocket and held it out to her without opening the box.
“I won’t insult you by even dreaming that you could accept my proposal, but once I told you everything, I was going to propose to you so I could spend the rest of my life loving you and making you happy. My love wasn’t planned, but it’s the greatest truth I know. And even if you can’t accept me, please know that you are loved most deeply. Truly. Your father betrayed you, and I added to that hurt on the same day. My past mistakes are unforgivable, but causing you such pain today is beyond reprehensible. Please forget about me. Don’t let your memory of me cause you any further pain. I’m not worth it.”
Jihae didn’t say a word, but tears were streaming down her face again, every drop like blood seeping from her heart. He got to his feet and placed the engagement ring on the counter.
“This is yours. There is no one else who will wear it. Do with it what you will.” He turned from her then and took his first step toward the door and out of her life. But the burning pain in his heart made him turn around and look at her one last time. “I love you so very much. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the man you deserve to be with.”
It was only when he put his shaking hand on the doorknob that he heard her first broken sob. He held back the tears that rose to his eyes. He didn’t deserve even a speck of relief from his anguish.
Thirteen
Time had passed. The cut on her palm had faded away into a thin white line, and Princes Jihae was able to pour herself into work without feeling much of anything. The production of Best Placed Bets was running toward the finish line. She was damn proud of what Rotelle Entertainment, CS Productions and the staff, crew and talent had accomplished.
Rule Two—they must finish the film no matter what—remained firmly in place, because she always kept her word. While she avoided Colin as much as humanly possible, her team continued to work with his to make the most of their partnership.
Every day she went to work and pushed herself to exhaustion, then came home and collapsed into a restless sleep. Every day. That was how she had survived the last few months.
In the rare moments that her guard came down and she remembered she’d lost Colin, pain too monstrous to describe came crashing into her, paralyzing her. But that just motivated her to fall deeper into character and become Princess Jihae down to her soul. It was a good thing. Everything she was—her face, body, hands and heart—all felt numb from the cold. She was frozen solid, and her true self remained locked behind the thick, icy walls.
The old Jihae had trusted, hoped and loved, but Princess Jihae knew better. Trust, hope and love only led to heartbreak. Her childish hope that her parents loved her despite their distance, censure and neglect... It was so stupid of her. Her dream that she could belong to someone and have that someone belong to her. To love and be loved. A complete joke. She was alone. She had always been and always would be. Alone.
“Hey, girlfriend. Do you have a minute?” June asked as she stepped into the office.
“For you. Anytime.” Jihae did her best to smile for her friend. Her confidante. But it felt foreign and awkward on her face. “Come have a sit.”
June held out a bag she had been hiding behind her back. “Ta-da.”
A rusty, unnatural laugh rattled from her. “What is it?”
“Nigiri, baby. One of the staff went to Little Tokyo for lunch and was sweet enough to bring some sushi back for us.”
Jihae’s stomach roiled, but she smiled her distant, stiff smile again. “How nice of them.”
“Jihae-ya,” June said, switching to Korean. “You really need to eat. You’re going to make yourself sick pushing yourself like this.”
“And since when do I not push myself?”
“I know. You always ask a lot of yourself, but not like this. I could tell you’re not sleeping well, and you’re wasting away. I hardly ever see you eat.”
“I eat.” When she remembered, which was seldom. “Okay, okay. Give me those nigiri. I’ll eat them.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty, for condescending to eat the gourmet sushi presented right in front of your face.”
June’s trademark sarcasm pulled free a real smile from Jihae. “Thank you for the sushi. And thank you for taking care of me.”
“You’re very welcome.” She smiled back, relief shining on her face.