I snort and glance in Étienne’s direction. Impossible. He and Asa would never go along with this farce. The expression of guilt on my brother shows me my presumption was one more thing I was wrong about.
Serene steps away and looks down at her clipboard. “You’re really dickin’ with my bachelor spirit. You know that, right? Go stand by your brother and mumble over there.”
Étienne takes that moment to walk over. He dips his head and whispers into his wife’s ear although his voice carries. “Serene, I love you. I truly do. But are the cards necessary?”
She looks at him with wide eyes. “It’s absolutely necessary.”
I give the men a closer inspection to figure out what my brother is referring to. Sure enough, each bachelor has a tag with a number around their neck as though they’re livestock at an auction. “Wait … why do they have those?”
Rainey clears her throat and walks toward the three of us. “If I may explain?”
“Please do,” I say.
“Upon entering the ballroom, Serene made the bachelors put on tags. The numbers are linked to a certain bachelor to keep track of him.”
“I made the suggestion,” Étienne cut in.
I turn to him as though he’s gone mad. He has been spending far too much time with his wife.
“I fashioned the tags with Alex’s nanny late into the night,” Serene chimes in excitedly. “And in fine print, beneath the numbers, you’ll find the bachelor’s name, likes, dislikes, location, and current employment status.”
“I did not tell her to do that,” Étienne heavily emphasizes.
Serene turns to him. “I know, but I really felt we were playing off each other, you know?”
By now, the men are all staring at the four of us and the spectacle we’re creating. I regret coming here. The high spirits I had this morning have vanished now. There will never be any reasoning with Serene.
While defeat rocks through me, Étienne and Serene continue their debate about who had the better ideas. I wave a hand between them, attracting their attention. “Will the two of you stop? The details of the tag system are not important. Just say what you need to say to these men so they can all leave because right now they’re all starin’.”
Serene stands tall and looks at the bachelors as if she forgot they were here. Holding a fist to her mouth, she clears her throat. “Sorry for the brief interruption. I want to start by saying thank you for showing up.” Serene looks at Rainey. “Rainey and I haven’t been lifelong friends, yet it certainly feels like it. When she told me she was ready to find Mr. Right, I wanted to waste no time, and that’s why you men are here. The thirty of you are easily the most eligible bachelors in the South, no?”
The men rapidly nod.
“Let’s place everyone throughout the room so Rainey has the chance to speak with all of you. Bachelors one through five can go over there.” Serene points to one corner of the ballroom. “Bachelors six through ten you can go there.” She goes through her list until six groups of five are split up around the ballroom. Feeling satisfied that everyone followed directions, Serene continues, “Rainey will spend ten minutes with each group and converse with the bachelors. At the end, Rainey will choose her top fifteen.”
My gaze shifts to Rainey. The entire time Serene speaks, she stares at the floor, avoiding the eyes of the bachelors before her. Doesn’t Rainey realize this does not need to happen? I’ve begun looking at her family’s ledgers!
“Before we begin, are there any questions?”
A bachelor raises his hand. In unison, all heads shift in his direction. He slowly lowers his hand and looks around as though he’s having second thoughts. “There’s been talk Miss Pleasonton’s family is … destitute, and that’s the reason she’s in search of a husband.”
Rainey’s shoulders stiffen. As do mine. I don’t know what stuns me more, that word has begun to spread about the Pleasonton’s financial ruin or that this man had the gall to ask about it in front of everybody.
There’s a heavy silence in the ballroom as we all wait for his question to be addressed. Serene narrows her eyes, trying to get a better look at his tag.
“A Southern lady never discusses such horrendous gossip,” my sister-in-law says. I swear on all the money to my name she creates an accent that’s almost as thick as mine. “But to alleviate everybody’s worries, the Pleasonton family has no money issues. Rainey’s intentions are pure.” Serene smiles and slaps a hand against her clipboard. “Now you can keep talking to me, or you all can speak with this beautiful lady.” Serene gestures to Rainey and holds Étienne’s pocket watch in front of her, concentrating on the time. I wouldn’t be surprised if she pickpocketed him while they were talking about the tags. “Round one of conversations starts … now.”
“Que dieu nous aide,” I mutter beneath my breath. To say she was taking this seriously would be an understatement.
Everyone looks at Rainey expectantly. This can’t start without her. Serene walks over to her with a tense smile. “Rainey, why do you look as if you’re facing a firing squad? There are thirty handsome, rich young men in front of you. Did I mention they’re rich? You would want for nothing. Hell, you could wipe your ass with a fifty-dollar bill for the rest of your life if you wanted. Go speak to them.” Serene all but shoves her toward the first group of men.
Rainey walks forward but not before she looks over her shoulder with a frown. “I’m goin’.”
Watching Rainey approach the men feels wrong. I have to stop myself from stepping forward and telling Rainey to come with me because then she’ll stay just to make me furious.
I merely stand beside my brother and his wife, who looks particularly pleased with her work.
Étienne crosses his arms and looks at the men. “From thirty men to fifteen?” He glances at Serene from the corner of his eye. “I understand you want to move quickly but is all of this necessary?”
She rears back slightly and looks at him. “Does a bear take a shit in the woods? Yes, it’s necessary! Rainey is finding her soulmate, and there’s nothing greater.” A steely determination enters her eyes. “However, this is a game. And. I. Play. To. Win.”
“All right,” Étienne draws out. “But you understand you cannot win because you’re already married, correct?”
Serene reaches out and brushes her hand across Étienne’s cheek. “Of course, I do.” She steps back and looks in Rainey’s direction. “This is so exciting. It’s like I’m living my favorite show, The Bachelorette, through her.”
“What show?” I ask.
Next to me, Étienne groans and rubs his temples. Serene has made tremendous progress to keep information about her time to herself. However, when she becomes excited, she can’t help herself, and the words flow out. I’ve always said her tongue works faster than her brain, but that’s the most endearing quality about her.
“Uhh … nothing. Forget what I said and stop distracting me.” Serene turns her attention to the pocket watch. “I have to watch the time.”
Étienne sighs. “We might as well go about our day. This will take a while.”