“So transactions were bein’ undisclosed.”
Étienne nods. “And not very well.”
“I miss Pleas dearly, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why he allowed this.”
“I don’t think we’ll ever know.”
“Have you explained this to Rainey?”
“To the full extent? No. Besides, she and Serene have been runnin’ about the house speakin’ of nothin’ but the ball.”
I tilt my head to the side. “That so?”
Étienne nods. “If I hear about Rainey’s gown for this ball one more time, I might lock myself in my office and not come out until all of this is over.”
I’ve never cared much for women’s clothing. Just what was underneath. But it was torture not knowing what she’d be wearing simply because I knew whatever it was it’d be to entice and put all eyes on her. And any color on her would be flattering. Red would accentuate her cheeks when she inevitably becomes miffed by one of the bachelor’s opinions. If she would be bold enough—and I wouldn’t put it past her—to wear black, it would blend with her dark hair and highlight her creamy skin. The color blue merely brings attention to her beautiful eyes. Dear Lord, am I truly losing my mind over the color of her gown?
“If I was a bettin’ man,” my brother continues, “I’d say they’re at Belgrave havin’ another fittin’ or Serene is helpin’ Rainey prepare for her next date with one of her bachelors.”
Inaudibly, I swallow. “Pardon?
“The bachelors,” my brother repeats with zero enthusiasm. His eyes flick in my direction. “Surely, you didn’t think Rainey would cease seein’ the bachelors because you’re not speakin’ to her? If anythin’, the men have been circlin’ her even more.” Étienne is watching my every move. I need to appear indifferent, but his words are making that remarkably difficult.
Breathing deep through my nose, I look in the direction of the window and count to ten.
“In fact, last night Serene said she had a pleasant time with one of the bachelors. Somethin’ about a love match.” He suppresses a sigh and shakes his head.
All I hear is love match. Serene said nearly the same thing when I was visiting with her. “Who is the bachelor?”
Étienne’s gaze veers toward the corner of the ceiling as he thinks of the name. For being such a smart man, he’s taking a remarkably long time to answer. “I don’t recall. Aidan, Beau, or Conrad, perhaps? The name started with one of the beginnin’ letters of the alphabet.” My brother shrugs. It’s of no importance to him.
Sixty days ago, my response would’ve been vastly different. Relief is the first word that comes to mind. Being Rainey’s executor wouldn’t be looming over my head. That would be cause to celebrate.
Right now, the sixty days seemed to have gone far too quickly. A part of me expected for it to never get this far. Either Étienne or I would find an inconsistency in her family’s ledgers and discover money hidden somewhere. All we discovered was they were deeper in debt. And when I try to think which bachelor it could possibly be that is a love match, none of them have a perfect place beside Rainey.
“Everythin’ all right?”
“Absolutely,” I bite out.
“Because you look furious.”
“I’m not,” I lie.
“Well, you should be.”
I arch a brow. “If my family could tell me how to appropriately respond with anythin’ pertainin’ to Rainey, I would greatly appreciate it. When the bachelors first came about, I wasn’t open enough to the idea, and now I’m not furious enough?”
Étienne gives me a sardonic smirk. “Which, I might add, you came to Serene for help. She didn’t embed herself into what this bachelor debacle has become.”
He had a valid point. “Do I regret includin’ Serene? Yes. Do I wish I had a more effective plan for Rainey? Absolutely. But the truth is, I didn’t.”
“Don’t ask yourself easy questions you already know the answers to.” Étienne sighs before he continues. “It’s unmistakable to anyone with a pair of eyes that you care for Rainey.”
“Of course, I care for her.” My pulse thrums beneath my skin because I know we’re getting far too close to the truth.
“But what’s preventin’ you from bein’ with her?”
Dragging a hand down my face, I sigh. War has woven its way into my soul, but so has this woman. The two can’t inhabit the same space. It just isn’t possible. They both are too demanding. All for different reasons. And the very idea of Rainey encountering that side makes me shudder. I’ve opened up to her about a select amount of stories, but those were only just the beginning.
Tired of the constant internal push and pull, I slap my palms on my knees. “I love her. That’s the truth!” Worn down, I sag against the chair. “Are you pleased with yourself? I love her.”
To my brother’s credit, he doesn’t look satisfied with my misery. Just continues to solemnly watch me. “Have you told her this?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because it seems as though everyone I love, I lose!”
Spoken out into the world, my fears don’t seem so big. They’re small and inadequate and are impossible to get back. Between the two of them, this one is my biggest fear. The way I see it, when it comes to people I love, I’m simply not unlucky, just born without luck. Slowly, but surely, people passed. Always unexpected and no less devastating. It seemed short-lived to love her with everything inside me when she was bound to be ripped away from me.
I know my fears are foolish, but my confession has been told to the right person. No one knows better how I feel than my brother.
Étienne becomes quiet. He leans back in his chair, thoughtfully rubbing his stubble on his jaw.
“You’re right. I’m not goin’ to say you’re wrong. You’re right. But can I be honest with you?”
I hold my hands out in front of me. “Please do. That’s why I’m here.”
“Maybe our loss allows us to love with more intention. The truth is, the most dangerous love is the one that causes you to be vulnerable. And that’s all love. In the end, it’s the most profound. I promise you. If you refuse to believe me and be stubborn like most Lacroix men, that’s all right. Live in the purgatory you’ve created for yourself or accept the love this woman has and wants to give to you.” Étienne takes a breath and lifts his shoulders. His somber expression never wavers. “And besides, this is Rainey. She’s awfully similar to my own wife. I don’t picture her comin’ back and professin’ her love to you once again.”
He leans in and holds his index finger up. “You have one opportunity.”
I straighten in my seat and feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand. Because that opportunity came and went in Savannah in the pouring rain.
Swallowing, I look away. “I know that.”
“Good. Now, what’s in the folder?”
It was only a matter of time before Étienne noticed the folder. I’m simply surprised it took this long. I wave the folder in the air before I place it on the desk. “I’m here for two things. The first is that I’ve come to a decision, and it requires your help.”