I hesitate at the threshold of Belgrave. I grew up here, and I’m questioning whether I should enter or knock. At the last second, I decide to knock. Rainey might be here and as badly as I want to see her, I don’t want to see any more pain in her eyes.
Surprisingly, the person who greets me on the other side is Serene. Her eyes widen momentarily before they narrow. She stares at me as though I’m the bane of her existence.
“Oh, it’s you,” Serene states with no emotion.
“Yes.”
With my nephew held tightly in her arms, I swear he’s grown since I’ve seen him last. They’ve even begun to call him by his middle name, too. It suits him.
Serene peeks around me as though she’s searching for someone. “You’re by yourself.”
“Yes,” I repeat.
Serene pats my nephew’s back in repeated, motherly gestures, while maintaining the blaze of fury in her eyes. “A smarter man would have showed up with support. You know … witnesses.”
“Well, I never claimed to be smart.”
At that, Serene snorts, and looks me up and down. “What did you do to Rainey?”
The color drains from my face. One day. Just one day is all it took for Serene to get the truth from Rainey. But how much of the truth was she able to get? As angry and hurt as Rainey might be with me, I can’t see her telling Serene everything because if she did, I wouldn’t be alive and Serene would be feasting on my insides for betraying her friend.
I feign indifference and brush past my sister-in-law. “I was a gentleman, and escorted Mrs. Pleasonton and Rainey, so I’m baffled as to why you’re askin’ if I did anythin’.”
Serene snorts and follows me. “Yeah right. And I’m a wilting wallflower.”
Her sarcasm isn’t lost on me. “Has it ever occurred to you that Rainey’s the dangerous one?” I ask without bothering to look at Serene.
She scoffs at my question. “Impossible. You did something, and you need to fess up.”
I lift a brow and look over my shoulder. “What did Rainey tell you?”
“That the two of you had a difficult conversation in Savannah. But it’s obvious you upset her.”
My eyes briefly close. If Serene wanted to drive the knife deeper into my chest, she succeeded. It’s agony not speaking with Rainey. Even when I was in France I wrote to her, and she always wrote back. Without fail.
Rainey was loyal, fearless, and beautiful. To have something so firm and solid ripped out of my life so abruptly makes me feel as if I’m drowning.
“Now talk to me, or I’ll make you change Trace’s next diaper,” Serene continues, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I once changed Alex’s diaper and nearly passed out from the smell. The fear of encountering something like that ever again makes me speak. “Rainey told me she loved me while we were in Savannah. I didn’t say it back.”
“You said nothing?”
“Well, she might have overheard me tell Nat that I could never love someone like her, and that was a lie. I didn’t mean it! But I didn’t tell Rainey that.”
Serene is ominously silent, staring at me as though I’ve spoken a different language. Then, she springs into action and whacks me upside the head. “You idiot!”
“I realize that! That’s why I’m here!”
Sighing, Serene steps back and shakes her head. The frustration drains from her features, but I’d prefer if it didn’t. This means she’s running out of hope. “Oh, Livingston.”
“What do I do to make this better?”
“Oh, no, no, no, no.” Serene laughs and shakes her head. “This is something you need to figure out yourself. And didn’t you once tell me to remind you to never listen to my ideas?”
“I was a fool. Now, help me.”
Serene’s smile fades. “Livingston, I can’t,” she says gently. “And neither can Étienne. Listen, contrary to what you exhibit to the world, and your party boy ways, you’re a pretty smart guy, and I believe if you thought over this carefully, you’d figure it out.” Serene bites down on her lower lip and looks away, as though she’s knows something.
Apprehension fills me. “What?”
“I know I shouldn’t tell you this, but you should know the bachelors have been relentless since she came back from Savannah.”
“When have they not been relentless?”
“True,” she slowly concedes. “But this time it’s different. It’s as if they know you and Rainey aren’t spending time together anymore.” My heart quickens with alarm for what she’s about to say. “And there’s one bachelor Rainey’s expressed interest in since your return.”
“Who?”
“I cannot tell you.”
“Why not?” I demand.
“Because it’s none of your business. Because you hurt her and maybe this man can make her happy.”
Perhaps truer words have never been spoken but they’re lost on me because the thought of Rainey with another man sends me into a blind rage. Things are in utter shambles there’s no denying that. But Rainey is connected to me.
With my hands on my hips I begin to pace. All the faces of the men I saw the first day Rainey brought them to Belgrave flash through my head. “No, no, no. It’s none of my concern. I don’t care,” I say aloud.
Abruptly, I turn to Serene and snap my fingers. “It’s Beau Legare isn’t it?”
Serene quirks a brow. “He’s not one of the final men.”
Dammit, I should know this. I saw them at the blasted picnic. But I wasn’t speaking to them, I was staring at Rainey, and playing a war of words with her. “Hiscock!” I blurt.
Serene tilts her head. “Who?”
“Taylor,” I amend.
“The dude who doesn’t want his wife farting? We crossed him off the list.”
I rub my fingers against my lower lip and remain in deep concentration. For the next several minutes, I deliver a barrage of names Serene’s way. Serene shakes her head, chuckling at a number of the names.
Soon, I give up the fight and throw my hands in the air. “I don’t care,” I repeat not for the first time.
“Clearly,” Serene murmurs. And then she leans in with an excited smile, and whispers, “I think we may have a love match.”
I rear back as though I’ve been punched in the stomach. “Like hell,” I mutter.
Turning on my heels I walk out of Belgrave. I realize then that this obsession will never fade. She could dance with every eligible bachelor she desires and have dinner with them all until she could eat no more. She could even decide to marry one of the many men at her disposal. But I would destroy this Earth looking for her. I would rip every house from The Battery to Ashley River inside out trying to find a way to be with her.
Just to have a moment with her.
She is the phantom echo of the heart I once had before everything changed.
The amount of love she has for me is irrelevant because every part of me beats for her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Rainey
“Of all the things I thought that would interest you, I didn’t think this would be it.”