“I’m not, Blake. Besides, you can’t have it both ways, one minute I’m still in love with Trevor, and the next, I love you? Get this through your head. I don’t have feelings in this. Like you said, we agreed to have fun and enjoy it while it lasted. Clearly, we want different things. I appreciate your apology, but if you could please leave, I need to finish packing.”
The look in her eyes is so cold, and her jaw is stiff and unwavering. It feels like a million daggers just plunged into my heart, and I can’t believe how much this hurts. How did she manage to worm her way into my heart and life so deeply and so quickly? I don’t even know how long I stand there, but my heartache quickly morphs into anger, and I say the only thing I can think of that will save my dignity.
“Good luck with Trevor. At least you kept it in the family.” I turn and slam the bedroom door, not stopping to say goodbye to her mother as I storm out of the house and get in my truck and drive.
Is she going there to be with Trevor? There’s no way he’d do that to me. I know my feelings are fucked up right now, but nothing makes sense. I don’t know where I’m going, but I don’t want to think or feel. I blast the radio and roll the windows down. I need to hit the road by Sunday morning to get to the build site and be ready to break ground on Monday, but to hell with that. I’ll head up early. I have no reason to stick around here anymore.
Fifteen
Pearl
It’s been one long miserable two weeks. I’ve done nothing but cry in bed, walk to the kitchen to eat a pint of ice cream, cry in the shower, in the tub, and in my car right now at The Place.
I pull down the visor and flip open the mirror, patting beneath my eyes to dry the tears and wipe away any smudged mascara. I take a few deep breaths and close my eyes, willing myself to get it together before I go inside to meet Jade.
“Heeeey!” I say with the fakest amount of happiness I can muster. I give her a hug before taking a seat on the stool next to her.
“So, how are you doing?” She gives me that head tilt, the damn head tilt everyone always does when they see you as a fragile mess. In her defense, she isn’t wrong.
“I’m actually really good.” I can hear how high my voice is, and I know she’s going to call me on my bullshit. “I...okay, I’m not great. Jade, I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh, sweetie. I wish I knew what to say. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Well, the interview went well in Chicago. They called yesterday and offered me the job. The pay is amazing, the office is gorgeous, and they’d pay to relocate me.”
“But?” She knows me too well.
“Chicago is beautiful, but my God, it’s so big. I missed it here when I was there. I had a great time catching up with Trevor and meeting his fiancée. They worked things out and are doing great. He and I went out for a drink, and I explained it all to him. He wasn’t much help,” I say, thanking Will for my beer and taking a long drink.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, he basically told me I’m in love with Blake and that’s the problem.”
“Are you?”
I can feel the tears spring up, “Yes,” I say as I let my head hang and the tears start to flow.
“Oh, Pearl. Why are you sad about it?” She asks, rubbing my back.
“Because I ruined it, Jade! You should have heard how mean I was to him! He hates me now.” I wipe away the snot from my nose. I know I must look like one helluva hot mess.
“I can pretty much guarandamntee you that man is up in Montana feeling the same way you are right now. I bet you anything he feels hurt and broken and confused. Imagine the look on his face if you showed up there.”
I snap my head up. “What? Go to Montana? That doesn’t solve the issue, though, Jade. I—I don’t know how to make it work.”
“Do you want the job in Chicago?” She asks.
“Yes, but I want to be here and with Blake. I did consider…Well, I asked them for a few days to think things over—and what if I counteroffer? What if I tell them if they let me work remotely here in Colorado, it will save them the relocation money and I can fly back to Chicago once a quarter?” I jump off my stool at my brilliant idea.
“It can’t hurt, babe. I say go for it,” she replies, raising her beer.
I pack throw my bag in my car and turn around to give my mom a hug. “Am I making a huge mistake?”
“You know that boy loves you. I’ve never seen a man get so worked up over a woman. You have to follow your heart, sweetie. You don’t want a life of regrets.” She returns my embrace before turning around and heading for the porch. “Call me when you get there, Pearl. I love you.” She stands on the porch and waves me off as I head off toward Montana.
Before I left, I reached out to Blake’s mom to get the info on where he was living in Bozeman. Adele was more than happy to give me the address where Blake is staying. She told me she’d keep it quiet and was beyond giddy that I finally admitted I was in love with him. She pulled me into a hug and cried for a solid three minutes.
It’s not a quick trip. Eleven long hours of me doubting myself, my feelings, and this entire situation. He could very well turn me away. I was a complete miserable asshole to him. I lied to his face about my feelings and let him believe I was in love with his brother. My stomach starts to turn as I realize more and more how horrible me behavior has been.
Since I left Colorado early and drove as fast as I could with barely any stops, it’s nearing eight thirty by the time I arrive in Bozeman. I feel like my stomach is doing backflips as I pull into the local hotel where Blake is staying. I touch up my makeup, put on a fresh spray of deodorant, and slick on my lip gloss. “Here goes nothing,” I say as I make my way toward the hotel lobby.
I have no idea if he’ll even be here. Oh God, what if he has another woman with him? My body flushes a little at the thought of a repeat of the Tracey situation. I make my way to the elevator and press the floor his room is on. I look at the numbers as I walk down the hall, stopping when I find his door. I take in a shaky breath and raise my hand to knock when the door swings open.
Blake blinks rapidly. He looks as if he’s trying to understand if I’m really standing in front of him. I’m frozen. I don’t know what to say. The shock in his face melts when I start to cry uncontrollably. Without a word, he pulls me into the room and into a hug.
“Why are you being nice to me?” I say, muffled against his chest. So much for the makeup I touched up, which I’m sure is smeared all over my face and his shirt now. Neither of say anything for another moment before I slowly pull away.
“I love you,” I say. His eyes never leave mine, but he doesn’t say anything. “I’m sorry. I can’t express how sorry I am. I was so cruel to you, and you didn’t deserve it at all. I was cold and mean and someone I don’t want to be.” He opens his mouth, but I hold up my hand, “Just let me get this all out, please.
“I am not in love with Trevor, at all. I am sorry I wasn’t honest with you or myself about my feelings for you. I was scared. I am scared—terrified, really. I thought running away would make me forget about it, but it made it worse. These last two weeks have been hell, Blake. All I wanted to do was come home to you every night and—and you weren’t there.” I can’t hold back the tears any longer. I hiccup as the sobs take over. “You have every right to hate me.”